posted August 23, 2005 10:22 AM         

A couple that my husband and I are ostensibly friends with invited us out to lunch the other day. I have rampant, seemingly untreatable candida along with all the food allergies that seem to go with it. Certain foods just make me itch all over, give me arthritis-type symptoms such as joint pain, etc. etc., we are talking about sugar, sweeteners such as honey, ALL cow's milk products, anything fermented such as malt, yeast, alcohol, tofu; fruit, caffeine-containing products such as coffee, tea, chocolate. I have positive improvements when I avoid these foods, which indicates that I clearly have a candida problem and DEFINETELY some sort of allergy, as when I try to reintroduce them, the problems come back again, they don't go away.
Now these people think I am "being difficult" and tiresome, and when I ordered hot water (because the bar did not carry herbal tea), it was as if it was SUCH a big deal, and they wouldn't stop going on about it (bloody hell, it's only hot water, for Chrissake!). They KNOW I don't drink and kept asking me if I wanted a lager, or some chocolate.
"Don't you want some of this?"
"No. I don't drink, and I have an allergy."
"Oh, go on. Just try a little bit."
"NO, because I have an allergy." (Dammit, don't these people realize that just a few microgrammes of a certain type of food can provoke a reaction?)
"Sure? We don't want you to feel left out."
"!!!!!"

Then when I looked at the board, the wife said "what can you eat (ha, ha)?"
"It's not FUNNY!" I said. But she wouldn't let up there. "Have you found something you can eat?" she asked with a smirk, when I came to the bar to order.

I explained the symptoms I get VERY emphatically to these people and it was like talking to a brick wall. With all the publicity about nut allergies etc., you'd think people would have some sort of understanding. But no. Not a clue.

They were going to invite us round for dinner one night this week and their son was going to cook a curry. I said I'd email him a list of stuff I was allergic to. This was today, as we were leaving their house (we do gardening for them), and as their cleaners were too. We went round the corner, and I heard one of the cleaners say "like that, is it?" so I guess the wife must have been rolling her eyes at what I had just said. Now in the past I have been called - not by this couple, but by another - "the guest from hell". (We don't see that couple any more - not surprisingly!) What p*sses me off about the wife so much is that SHE HERSELF has had candida problems and SHE HERSELF is very faddy about food. She annoys me a lot in other ways as well, she is one of the dumber types of Taurean, but that's beside the point. What I really dislike is this falseness, saying "oh, don't worry, we'll cook for you", whilst secretly hating the prospect (I have no problem with bringing my own food, believe me, and have SAID so), and having absolutely NO empathy, just seeing it as something tiresome. I HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE it!!! Can I ask - is this the way a true friend should react?

WHAT is their problem - apart from obviously feeling threatened by me, just because I eat different foods? I don't tell them what to eat, and I find their attitude incomprehensible.

posted August 23, 2005 04:22 PM         

Curiousity and a desire for friendship is usually what cures that. Motivation makes people want to make friends from other cultures, learn different languages, and study the stars

At least you know who not to go out to eat with . . .

There's a whole world of people out there! You'll meet them. And soon, you'll be free of your husband and these horrid friends!

London can't wait for ya!

posted August 24, 2005 04:16 AM         

On the surface they originally seemed quite nice people, good hosts and generous, but as I got to know them better...I realized that they were the sort of people that would go to church a lot, and be very generous materially, but that they were ALSO the sort of people that would speak to their "friends" for at least an hour on the phone, then hang up and say, "Oh God, these people are so awful, I dont know why we bother with them" (and I thought, well, why do you?), and they would even take us into the next room, when people were staying with them, and start b*tching about them - whilst putting on a "nice" face all the time, obviously just so that they should be considered as such. The wife is not the stupidest person I've ever met, but she is no great intellectual shakes either - and keeps emphasizing how much more cultured she is than all her contemporaries from the area she comes from. They are also always buying things - tons of "stuff", and the conversation is always about what they bought here, and what they bought there, and let's see what you bought (hang on, I might not want to show them!!) - you get the drift?

But maybe all this is a result of the emotions relating to some of the problems they have had, being deflected on to other things. I don't know. Maybe they feel my allergies are small potatoes compared to what they have had to put up with. Maybe their experiences have biased their views somewhat. Who knows?

They get on better with Mr. Aqua than they do with me, perhaps, I suppose, because like attracts like. As you said, Aphrodite, I shall be moving soon, and I couldn't really care less what they think of me.

posted August 25, 2005 07:03 PM         

im lucky becuase most of my friends/work colleagues help me out in restaurants and generally see how difficult it can be. Im always the one in the restaurant asking the waiter a million questions! The only time i really felt bad was when one of my bosses started rolling his eyes at me when i was ordering. I wanted to throw my drink in his face!

posted August 30, 2005 01:01 PM         

I think your advice is great!!

I stated pretty much what you said in an email to them last week, basically saying, I get xyz symptoms, I am NOT making them up, if it is going to be a problem catering for me, and everyone else wants s/th different, I can bring my own stuff, NO PROBLEM, it is no reflection on yourselves as hosts. BUT I will not stand for eye-rolling!!!!!
I mean, if you say quite clearly that you don't drink, and s/o keeps ON trying to push a drink on you, what does this eventually make you feel about that other person?

Well, I got an email back from the son a couple of days ago, saying they wouldn't be able to do a dinner as he was going to Scotland and his parents were going abroad (they have a place overseas).

Ahem. When I periodically feel I have to "say something" to people, not just about food, I find that people fall into 2 categories. One category will quite happily thrash the issue out, because they are confident in themselves. I don't have a problem with that, because there is no pretence involved. Those from the other category will just "disappear" on me, and I wonder whether what I have said has struck a nerve - whether they hate having been "found out". Because it does seem that way. The slightest hint of unpleasantness and they drop you. Weird.

Ah well - who needs "friends" like that?!