Posts: 11943
From: Pleasanton, CA, USA
Registered: May 2005

posted September 12, 2005 12:14 AM         

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Missed LL.

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Posts: 238
From: MOther & Father GOd
Registered: Feb 2008

posted September 12, 2005 12:16 AM         

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Me too!

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Posts: 5301
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted September 12, 2005 12:55 AM         

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I was super super busy, but then I had time and came here, and then remembered.. Oh yes... Rememberance.
And now I am back and here we are!
I hope you all had a lovely weekend.

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Posts: 11943
From: Pleasanton, CA, USA
Registered: May 2005

posted September 12, 2005 01:13 AM         

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I didn't, but hopefully I'll be able to smooth out what I felt didn't go well yesterday.

I worked for my new boss at his house, and I just felt like there were a string of things that may have made me look bad. Unfortunately, they were matters of perspective, and for some reason I don't speak up in defense of myself for fear of looking defensive or overly sensitive (not wanting to be a whiner or an excuse-maker). It's weird being able to see how someone perceives you, and not being able to adequately express yourself. Anyway, hopefully tomorrow I'll be able to set the record straight.

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Posts: 5301
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted September 12, 2005 01:53 AM         

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I hear you, Ag.. on the not speaking up thing..
My problem is, if I get the opportunity, I will over explain in a self-depreciative way anyway.
I hate apprearing wrong when I know it is a matter of perspective as well.
But then, I can argue semantics and excuses out of a paper bag. So I make sure when I make mistakes, I own up to them and apologize.. then the next time something happens that wasn't really a mistake, I will over rationalize, knowing the other person sees that yes I am accountable as well, when I need to be. I hate accepting blame when it isn't necessary.. and knowing the other person doesn't care for the explanations, as I go through them... I lose verve half way through and immediately appear less confident, even though I feel and know my words and what's right.
I have Saturn in the first house, so I am the first to see critisisms in myself..... but I am also prideful and defensive.

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Posts: 11943
From: Pleasanton, CA, USA
Registered: May 2005

posted September 12, 2005 02:27 AM         

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I've got Saturn in the 1st too.

I try to own my mistakes as well. I try to define myself for others as best I can, so that there is no question in anyone else's mind. In situations like this where it's a person that doesn't know me well it gets difficult presenting a balanced image when things go wrong. There are so many factors subconsciously at play that it might seem weird and confusing to try to tackle them all at once. It feels like the damage control on one perception could give way to another incorrect perception, so I become less confident in pursuing that and remain silent (which can seem like an endorsement of the original perception as I'm not moving to deny it.).

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