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Author
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Topic: Which is hardest- employment or parenting?
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ListensToTrees
Knowflake Posts: 3844
From: Infinity
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted September 12, 2005 04:31 PM
 
Hello moonbeams.I've had a slightly difficult day. It involved this person who is extremely judgemental of others (and thinks she has a right to be- as she thinks she is more spiritually advanced). But I won't go into that. Just wondered if you people could help life my spirits. She said that I have an easy life because I stay at home all day and look after my toddler. So, I'm asking you knowflakes who have some experience of this situation- working and parenting.
I know it will all depend on what type of work you do....it might even depend on how the temperment of the child/children (active/hyperactive)... Also, is it possible to hold onto a job if your child is still waking up during the night...and to top that you have insomnia...would it be possible to do all that...AND stay sane?!
I'm sure there are many in just that situation who find it extremely difficult....well I say we're only human- we DO have our limitations. We require sleep, we require food, we require love for sustenance. If we do not get enough sleep, for example- we are irritable- in exactly the same way a baby/child would be when he/she feels tired!! So, I do not tend to judge other people. We should worry about ourselves, our own lot- be our own judge- the only other person who has the right to judge would be God....or an enlightened being who can FEEL our soul; our essence, empathically sense our feelings and telepathically read our minds. But I am still human, and if I like someone or have high hopes, then it DOES hurt if they dish out negative critisism. Right now, I just need to try and get back to my equilibrium; my own sense of inner peace and calm- I need to find that again....because no-one has the right to judge me like that (there was a bit more to the story, but I won't go into the details).
One of the wisest souls was a character in a Disney film, the father of a rabbit called 'Thumper' in Bambi, who told Thumper:
"If you don't say somethin' nice.....
...don't say nothing at all" There! I think I've got that out of my system. As George Castanza's father said, on Seinfeld: "SERENITY NOW!"  IP: Logged |
Touchstone
Knowflake Posts: 291
From: Up North
Registered: Apr 2005
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posted September 12, 2005 04:56 PM
Hi, ListenToTrees!Gosh, you sound so similar to me.... what with the looking after a young child and coping with sleep probs and insomnia! Well done for coping  Do you know, it makes me so mad when people think being a stay-at-home mum is easy. Raising a child is one of the most demanding, important and tiring jobs going. Phew, don't get me started. lol. I'd like to say something inspirational to lift your spirits but I can't think of anything right now as my brain is tired. I wish you good spirits though and peaceful nights. I've always been an insomniac, right from being little. Having a son who is similar compacts the situation so for the past 7 years I have been running on empty and just getting on as best I can. If I ever find the cure to insomnia, I'll let you know. I actually work two days a week and have five days at home so I guess I get a bit of both. Having a job is good for social contact and a chance to hang up the 'Mum' apron for a while and be yourself. Sometimes, that little break from the house is good for sanity. However, I wouldn't want to work more than two days as I love being a mum and housewife. My job can be stressful at times but the rest of the week when I'm at home I can just forget about it. Parenting is much more fun and much more demanding but one hundred times more fulfilling. Btw, I love your screen name! Touch IP: Logged |
ListensToTrees
Knowflake Posts: 3844
From: Infinity
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted September 12, 2005 05:16 PM
 Thankyou, Touchstone. Very good to meet you! IP: Logged |
sue g
Knowflake Posts: 8591
From: former land of the leprechaun
Registered: Sep 2004
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posted September 12, 2005 05:45 PM
hi Listen to TreesWell I tell you girl, our son is six and I still wouldnt have the energy to go back and do a regular 9-5 thing. I do work, but it wouldnt be often......I do love spells and readings for people, when I am able.....I cant do normal work....I am not a normal woman LOL !!! That person who you speak of sounds like she/he doesnt have a clue, or a brain which functions in a remotely intelligent fashion. I dont mind telling you girl working is a piece of cake compared to raising a child who doesnt sleep, or eat properly and who pushes you so far, it brings you to your knees..... I have gotten to the stage where I say to God...I dont care about the money....just bring me strength to get thro and raise our child in a loving and supportive way. So what I am saying is ALL my energy has been put into being a Mammy (and a wife/lover of course......) OMG i used to think working outside the home was hard.....I didnt have a clue how challenging being a parent would be.......he is an amazing child......I am a very tired parent......but I know it is worth it.......love is worth it !!!!  xxx IP: Logged |
Svetlana
Knowflake Posts: 254
From: USA
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted September 12, 2005 07:40 PM
Dear ListensToTrees,
I just want to shout so you could hear me,"Please don't doubt that you're doing the harder work!" I was stay at-home- mom for 11 years. And then I started working full time. Work was so-o much easier. Guess what I did? I was a toddler teacher. I had 14 to 16 todds a day to care for. Still easier than the 2 I had at home when they were little. I had moms all the time asking my advice on staying home vs working.
Love to you and your little one. Oh, and wait till he's a teen.  ------------------
We are the ones we've been waiting for. IP: Logged |
diviniT
Knowflake Posts: 94
From: Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Registered: Aug 2005
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posted September 12, 2005 11:23 PM
Hi LTT,First off, I send you healing light to ease your confusion and frustration and pain.
Secondly, I totally can relate to you and the others where parenting is ultimately the most intense job EVER. Furthermore,
I also relate to the sleepless nights/and insomnia. Still waking up 3-6 times a night with my youngest son (15 mos).
However, this all being said, A truly enlightened soul simply does not judge. They let you BE.
You should Never feel you need to Justify
yourSELF!
Let your magnificance shine. It's more than enough. In love and light,
diviniT  IP: Logged |
ListensToTrees
Knowflake Posts: 3844
From: Infinity
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted September 13, 2005 03:34 AM
Dearest knowflakes!Your words have helped me more than words can say! Sueg- I cab relate to a lot of what you wrote  Svetlana- thankyou DviniT- thankyou Touchstone- my brother lives in your town- I've been to visit & like it there. There's also a great cafe I visited twice in Harrogate inside a health store called 'The Greenhouse'...the cafe is called 'Ginger's'....ever heard of it?
Now when I think about this person I mentioned, I canNOT beliEVE how manipulated I've allowed myself to be! By becoming more 'humble', I made mySELF vulnerable. Gosh, its frightening! I'm going back to my former, headstrong self! Oh yes! hehehehe
 
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thirteen
Knowflake Posts: 1107
From: Rochester Hills, MI USA
Registered: May 2004
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posted September 13, 2005 08:18 AM
I think generally people are always looking for ways to be better than everyone else. With that kind of desire you can take just about anything and make it bad. She needs to judge to feel better than you for whatever reason. ( probably mostly subconscience and sometimes jealousy.).
P.S. Im a no kids working person and I think it would be harder to raise a child/children at home. That takes true committment. I can jump jobs anytime I want to.IP: Logged |
Bluemoon
Knowflake Posts: 4456
From: Stafford, VA USA
Registered: Feb 2005
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posted September 13, 2005 08:56 AM
Motherhood is the hardest job you will ever love!! It is a very diffecult job when you are a good mother. It is the most important job in the world. I have a wonderful mother and strive to be all that she is. IP: Logged |
sue g
Knowflake Posts: 8591
From: former land of the leprechaun
Registered: Sep 2004
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posted September 13, 2005 12:24 PM
It is the only job I ever had which can have me laughing my boots off one minute and then have me down on my knees the next..........it is like nothing else on earth !!!!Blue.......ooohh.......you are a sweetie.....love you xxx IP: Logged |
1scorp
Knowflake Posts: 2251
From:
Registered: Feb 2003
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posted September 13, 2005 12:56 PM
Oh, I have to say that being a parent is much harder than an outside job!Last summer I worked full time (8:00 to 5:00 Mon-Fri) then also took on a full time night job bartending (5:30 - 2:00 a.m.). I did this to help make quick cash... for what? My daughter. Well... after a few months of working 80 plus hours a week... I woke up and realized that my daughter was growing and had experienced things all while I was so wrapped up in trying to provide the material. I quit the bartending... now just work the 8:00 to 5:00. I work my regular job because I'm a single parent and that's just part of who "I" am. I don't look at any stay at home parent as having an easy job... I know how it is being a mom. Being a mom is still harder and much more rewarding for me than any paycheck will ever be. I don't think anyone can really look into another person's life and make blanket judgements... but a few will try. As long as what you're doing is fulfilling to you and your children. That's all that matters really. ______________________________________
Scorpio sun, venus, mars, mercury and uranus
Libra moon, pluto and asc. IP: Logged |
geminstone
Knowflake Posts: 1007
From: Golden, CO
Registered: Nov 2004
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posted September 13, 2005 03:57 PM
I'm just testing...
~ geminstone
IP: Logged |
geminstone
Knowflake Posts: 1007
From: Golden, CO
Registered: Nov 2004
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posted September 13, 2005 04:12 PM
Ok, I'm hoping that this will go through, because, my last one went through and, I've been trying to post my reply since last night.... errr... here goes....
Hi All!!
Ok, I work on and off.... *on* = reached breaking point, *off* = regained some semblence of sanity and, working on the ' reaching ' again 
Work, for me, is in the construction field... I am a cut- person on my husband's framing crew... The work is incredibly, physically demanding and, because of the ' husband ' factor, this extends to the mental aspects as well  We are framers; build new homes from the foundation up. I have experienced working outside in such personal extreems, that I have no desire to ever visit hell or, the polar ice caps... I have pushed my body ( at 5' 3" and, tipping in at a buck five ), pushed it SO hard, just to keep up and be productive, on a team consisting of anywhere between 4 and 7 other bodies... each weighing in at approximately 150lbs to 180lbs and standing 5' 10" to 6'!.... Pulling my own weight, is not enough.... I wear the scars of saws and, splintered wood and, wayward hammer swings, trying to hit heads but, on occassion, landing hands instead. All this and more, is what I deal with... it's what I do for work,... for money. It is my choice. This is my release.... because my life I chose to share, to expand and, it encompasses 2 blessings who are of the greatest importance. One a Son, One a Daughter. Not considered ' Work '. Not considered ' Self '. No, in this Son and Daughter, I know more with every day's passing. And, even though each day sees, at least, small ' taken for granted's ',... these 2 keep me grounded,... they save me, even as they sacrifice me. I try my best, and push then more, to teach it, to Live it!
I know how far Love has taken me,... both high and, low... and, I need the ache ,... and the ease. I own, proudly, ' ugly ' scars upon my body.... and yet, scold the same... This body, I shared, for only a brief moment. Now my heart is where I can find healing, even as it seems ever to be tending new inflictions. I live in the most extreem of polarities, simultaeously... everyday. I am Love, learning, teaching, living, dying... but, in awakening... there must come rest.... so, I go to work .......... IP: Logged |
geminstone
Knowflake Posts: 1007
From: Golden, CO
Registered: Nov 2004
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posted September 13, 2005 04:14 PM
I share the belief that you are only judge and jury to your Self. When others seek to judge you, in reality, your aid is what they are trying to ask. In quiet dignity, you can be temporarily, blinded by another's projections. But, if you see your Self in honesty, accepting of it, with the ability to bend, ( patience will gently remind you, that steps of stone do not give to bending ).... you may be given lessons, through what seems to be, painful bullying.... have you ever experienced what it is to BE an Angel? Love is not blind,.... not even temporarily. When strength is yours, in Self, these same blinding projections, will be seen in their truth.... the other's painful Self interrogations. Love is hurt and healing, give and take, teacher's and lessons, acceptence and denial... Experiencing it, is all one's own... from choices. We may All want to be Healer's and, at the same time, unknowingly, we may, actually be the perpatraitor's and, bring forth deep hurts....... I could go on... indefinitly... ... ListenToTrees,... Just Be... at some point, this person may find, that an Angel they had, in their own time of internal confusion. ~ geminstone IP: Logged |
ListensToTrees
Knowflake Posts: 3844
From: Infinity
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted September 13, 2005 04:30 PM
Thankyou, IP: Logged |
geminstone
Knowflake Posts: 1007
From: Golden, CO
Registered: Nov 2004
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posted September 13, 2005 05:58 PM
... and, to You, as well.
~ geminstone
IP: Logged |
Touchstone
Knowflake Posts: 291
From: Up North
Registered: Apr 2005
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posted September 14, 2005 04:52 PM
Hi LTT.
Cool about your brother living close by. I'm not that familiar with Harrogate, though. I've been a few times for specific trips but not au fait with the shops. However, I'm off to a complementary health and new age fair there at the weekend. Can't wait Glad you have made the decision to not be influenced by your friend's superior attitude any longer. Do what's right for you. Listen to your heart and go with it knowing you are doing a great job. Touch IP: Logged |
ListensToTrees
Knowflake Posts: 3844
From: Infinity
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted September 14, 2005 05:02 PM
Thankyou, Touchstone.(I included the details here of the person who upset me and her website, but have decided to edit.....it was a spiritual teacher, author of a book)......
Never NEVER forget to ALWAYS think for youS-ELF! I am shouting this at everyone with such passion!
Always, always listen to your heart. No matter what. No matter how many words and voices seem to bury your own inner voice....whatever you may call it. The Great Spirit, the 'I Am' within...its all One and the same. Love, Light and Blessings to you ALL  IP: Logged |
BloodRedMoon
Knowflake Posts: 932
From: somewhere out there
Registered: Apr 2004
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posted September 17, 2005 09:34 PM
I just started working full time in March. For *ME* it's much much harder to work and parent at the same time PHYSICALLY. There's simply not enough hours in the day.Emotionally - it's much harder for me to be a stay at home parent. I'm not cut out for it. I get depressed and stir crazy. Other people's experiences may or may not be different because everyine IS different
IP: Logged |
ListensToTrees
Knowflake Posts: 3844
From: Infinity
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted September 20, 2005 04:22 PM
I agree with you, BloodRedMoon. Everyone IS different.Love and strength to you sweetie. Try and get some rest- if that is possible IP: Logged |
Aphrodite
Knowflake Posts: 4992
From:
Registered: Feb 2002
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posted September 20, 2005 04:30 PM
I thought about this for a while, and came to the conclusion that it boils down to levels of capability, commitment, responsibilty and interest - in either employment or parenting.IP: Logged |
Devilfish
Knowflake Posts: 574
From:
Registered: Dec 2004
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posted September 20, 2005 06:38 PM
i havent read the other replies because i want to answer the post first, then read.
so if this has morphed beyond the initial question keep that in mind while you read.
personally i think it comes down to quality of the parent.
my mother worked five days a week to support three kids.she would come home cook dinner and fall on the couch exhausted.it was not easy for her at all,She is a wonderful mother!
my sister has two kids and she is a workaholic, she is a nurse and sometimes stays up 40 hours straight just to make sure she sees a ball game, a play ect. in between work hours. it is not easy for her either and she is a wonderful mother!
i am a stay at home mom who helps my husband run his business(i do the bookkeeping ect)we have four children i homeschooled all of them until this year(2 are in junior high now)sometimes im up into wee mornin trying to get it all done, i work hard its not easy, but it is well worth it.My kids say I am a wonderful mother!
i have been put down by many working mothers as though my work is not hard or important.
in fact my son had a girl tell him after she found out i "have no job", that i must be "stupid" .
this upset my son who is very defensive when it comes to us ladies of the house(i have one son my oldest, and three girls)
i have also heard mothers that stay at home remark about how bad it is that so and so chooses to work instead of stay home with her child.
i think this is really defeating the cause of motherhood .we should be supporting eachother.we should be more concerned about our children having good food, shelter ,love and support.i know mothers, some working ,some not, who ARE lazy and do not do right by their families but it has NEVER had to do with wheither or not they work outside the home...........................
it has everything to do with being responsible to those you love!
so, i want to end my post with a  and  and and most impotantly a
THANK YOU, to all the mothers who provide good homes for their little ones and that goes for all the single Fathers out there raising their kids too ! IP: Logged |
Devilfish
Knowflake Posts: 574
From:
Registered: Dec 2004
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posted September 20, 2005 06:59 PM
edited double post sorry, uh ,heres a flower  IP: Logged |
Devilfish
Knowflake Posts: 574
From:
Registered: Dec 2004
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posted September 20, 2005 07:01 PM
ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm whoops i think i misunderstood
for some reason i assumed you were talking to a mother who worked.
so umm  my answer was off in context
but really as women i still stand by the fact that we need to respect and support one another,we are all people working thru life , learning who we are and why we are here. each role is valuable, every part is valid.just be true to that, after all , living is hard enough.  IP: Logged |
ListensToTrees
Knowflake Posts: 3844
From: Infinity
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted September 21, 2005 03:50 AM
No, that wasn't out of context, Devilfish. I do think you put the point accross very eloquently. You are right about what you said, and those things needed to be clarified.The person who upset me was a working mum (although her kid is grown up now). I don't care about that anymore, anyway. I think that sometimes, especially in the cases where people are judgemental....those people may come accross as very hurtful at times, when in fact this is not who they really are. They are really wonderful people with a great capacity to love and care for others. Their problem with judgementality doing themS-elves an injustice- that is not their true nature. If you get what I mean. I have grown up around a couple of prominent judgemental people in my life, and a lot of friction, a lot of bad feeling. These people are NOT bad people. There is just a MISUNDERSTANDING. So, I am going to forgive this person now. I might not agree with her, but I believe her basic intentions are good. If one day she could awaken and humbly dispose of her judgementality, she will be a true angel, because she already is in many ways (even though she did p*ss me off! lol). Love and Light IP: Logged | |
Lindaland
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