posted September 19, 2005 01:53 PM         

I don't think I will be staying in the relationship with my boyfriend. We don't even live together- I am living in my mothers house (which was meant to be temporary until I found out I was pregnant with my little boy who will be 2 in October). I left home at 17 and stayed in rented flats and with friends for 5 years. I don't get on that well with my mother.

I am getting tired of my boyfriend's inability to compromise. He doesn't do anything to make life easier, to compromise. He does work as a DJ 2 or 3 times a week, but chooses to stay up until dawn every night of the week. I am a light sleeper. I have to get up early for my son.
I used to go and stay with him a few days a week, but he has turned his house upside down to do work on it but hasn't been able to finish it because of other work he does. I haven't stayed there for months. I feel as if we're growing apart, I don't feel like I'm in a relationship because I don't see him and just lately we've not been getting on.
We argue about routine (I feel it is important for very young children, he can't grasp such a concept). We also argue about meat and diet issues....amongst other things. I also don't feel he makes enough effort to make his house child friendly.

Now I've just found out I'm pregnant again. On one hand, I've got no idea how I'll cope, as my little boy hardly slept for the first year, and still wakes up frequently. I've always been a light sleeper; thoughts going around in my head at night if I've got ideas or just worried about something. I don't know how I will manage to be a good mother to two without neglecting one or the other, and that would break my heart (my mother also works full-time and I will defintely be moving out).

And on the other hand, I have been kind of worried about my son being a lonely only child. This might....IS the only chance for him to have a brother or sister in within the same age group.
And the thought of abortion seems so horrible.....I keep thinking....and feeling that a spirit is waiting/ready to come to me.
Once I've made one decision or the other, there will be NO going back.

I know that this is to much to ask you knowflakes....so what I'm asking, is if any of you out there have been in or are in a similar situation. How did you cope raising two small children on your own? My son will be 2 years and 8 months by the time the baby will born. I want to be optimistic, but this is SUCH a shock.

Sometimes I feel I hate my mother for never giving me my own space, forever nagging me/treating me like a kid (I'm 25), telling me how to raise my son and I hate my boyfriend for letting me down. I'm glad I'm a mother, but I kinda wish it had been with someone else.

The sooner I move out, the better. I just wish I knew what would be best for my son. Would I be a better mother to just him alone? Or would having a brother or sister mean more than the world to him? (even if it takes him a while to get used to it at first).

Sorry knowflakes....just unloading my burdon by doing some theraputic writing.

posted September 19, 2005 02:06 PM         

Apparently this little person chose you for a reason. You'll be up to the task. You kinda have to be.

I think its normal (single mom or not) to have the worries that you are having. Read your post again. Obviously you already love this baby (and you son) so much that you are concerned your performance might not meet their needs.

See there? That IS what it takes to be a good mother... The *want to* factor.

You are aware that your children need a good mother, and you aren't going to allow yourself to forget it.

Also, I agree with you that your life as a mother will be much easier to command once you are no longer living with your mother. She will always see you as her child, as you will always see your children, and probably feels as though she would be failing her child (and grandchild) if she doesn't take an active role. The only way to nip that is to not live in her home.

Sucks, I'm sure... but she is your mother, and it is her house.

You need your own house where you are the Mommy... the head of household... where YOU can reign supreme.

Good luck, sweetie. It will all work itself out, and you will be a wonderful mother.

Congratulations.

posted September 19, 2005 02:57 PM         

I am in awe of some of the women in my life......single and coping wonderfully.....with two, three or more children...and do you know what, I have a very strong feeling that this new little soul will be very easy for you to look after, and everything will fall into place....you will get a new home and life will provide for you in more than one way...

I am in awe of you......25.....and so responsible and so caring.....how can things NOT turn out for you sweetie.....

Will pray for you and send you lots of Irish luck.....

And one thing girl......never hold back when you wanna share......these people here are diamonds........

Love to you

posted September 19, 2005 05:33 PM         

I feel that the advice each of you has given me is full of truth and wisdom.

I am feeling stronger already.

posted September 19, 2005 06:06 PM         

Its easy to forget, to feel we're alone when we're never alone

All over the world/s....flames, sparks of the divine flickering away, wherever they may be,
knowing that all the world needs is love

posted September 20, 2005 01:11 AM         

i have another perspective for you...i envy you! i love being a mother, i'd love to have more babies than my one babe....and how nice it would have been to be a single mama raising my son in his first years....

no heartache, no abuse, no terror, no fear that a child's own father wants to eat his own offspring.

please, LTT, be very grateful that your man lets you be a mother to your children...that he doesn't attempt to destroy you in the most subtle and insidious ways....that he doesn't mortally wound your very soul with his voracious anger at you and the world.

why do some men hate their children and the women who bore them so very much? what is it about a woman birthing a man's child that makes him turn all his violent rage at the world against her? why does a man desire to destroy his own child and the soul of the mother?

i agree, nothing in the world can replace a father with a good heart toward his own child...but that's almost a fairy tale in the world today, at least in my world. the fairy tale is so pretty...to have your child's father love and desire his child, the best for his son....

given though that this option doesn't exist, i'd take being a single mother any day....with a basket full of babies! they are the light and joy of the universe. every baby is a star from heaven.

LTT ~~ i know you'll be a divine mother to your babies...all of them. they chose you for this reason. celebrate.

may goddess bless you and bring you all things good.

posted September 20, 2005 03:38 AM         

Love and God bless

posted September 20, 2005 04:11 AM         

I want to hug you, to take away the pain you've experienced. I really do, precious soul.

Love and Light to you, my friend

I realise how lucky I am. I get too wrapped up in my own stuff- need to count my blessings. And there are good men out there, there really are. Mine is one of them. What's difficult is finding one who will commit! Learning to sense a person's energy is a good way to choose who to let into your life and who to keep out of it.....we all have the ability- we just forget how......what I mean is I really feel for you, Hedgewitch- you should never have had to go through that, no-one should- but at least you're ok now.....and you have your sweet angel, and they mean the world

posted September 20, 2005 08:01 AM         

You both have so much strength and sometimes don't even know it!!!

You guys are wonderful mothers!!!

Love

posted September 20, 2005 09:09 AM         

ANYWAY........... I would not trade anything for my wonderful children. My son is the joy in my life and although we do butt heads, my daughter is the world to me. I prayed for her to come to me for years before she was born.

posted September 20, 2005 10:48 AM         

thank you so very much for those kind, loving words. they sent soft healing light through my heart, and their sweetness soothed me.

you have healing mother love strong in your heart.

thank you too, Solane, for those words of strength.

posted September 20, 2005 05:32 PM         

I started off doing massage and aromatherapy,,,,study of the oils and stuff,,,then studied Reiki 1,2 and 3 and also learned some spiritual healing, colour therapy, a little about healing spaces and spirit clearing......a bit of everything really. I do absent healing at the moment with photographs.....

posted September 21, 2005 03:31 AM         

And the fact your children are so loving towards each other shows you are surely doing somthing right

And all you mums out there are superstars!

I love all you knowflakes