posted September 20, 2005 09:24 PM         

I'm ok. Really. Sure, my heart got a little battered by the Virgo who didn't know how to bond on a deeper level. Sure, I slowly started going crazy because I just kept stuffing it down and putting on a brave face. But it's surprising how passive/aggressive us girls can be. We simply can't suppress our emotions forever. It's gonna come out in strange and usual ways. I'm not the first who he did that to either, causing a passive/aggressive strike back. I pity the fool who he ends up with next. That's all I have to say.

Sorry about you and the Taurus. It takes a while to really see inside a person sometimes, unfortunately. Maybe for someone else, he could be perfect. Just not you. That's kind of how I feel about the Virgo. We just love differently. Those Saturn aspects between us didn't help either, that's for sure.

posted September 21, 2005 08:52 PM         

I am so happy to hear from you!!!! Sorry about your battered heart, I know how that feels. Sometimes I can't believe the passivity that we fire ladies can take on for the sake of trying to keep things together (or in my case, to avoid an explosive temper - LOL.. I thought the Taurus man was supposed to have a slooooooow burn.. mine went from 0 -red hot anger in about a millisecond).

You are right, he is going to be perfect for someone else and that is fine with me. I would rather see him healed (and me too) than to force two people together that have different love styles. I like to get things out in the open and move on - he is the opposite. We also had a few Saturn problems, mine conjuncted his Sun / rising and his squared my moon (and completed my natal t-square).

We also had a bad Pluto problem (mine conjuncted his moon and squared his Neptune / Mars while his opposed my Moon and squared my Mercury).

I once read (in love signs) that putting the Taurus man and Sag women together resembled something like a ruptured tinker toy - but the lesson learned was worth it as is finding this dream job and loving my new residence).

I think we fire women bond differently than Earth men. For us (well at least for me) I need to feel that all encompassing fire, that weak in the knees, heart in my throat, feeling like I want to cry type of love. When I was with Mr. Leo I felt it times 100. With Mr. Taurus I felt it on a superficial level because I never trusted his felt as deeply or could feel as deeply. Maybe I misunderstood (but there are issues that have now come out from his past that indicate superficiality is the best he can do- feeling brings out painful childhood traumas... he is dealing with that on his own).

Have you moved out to your own place yet? When did you two break up?

Talk to you soon.. I've missed ya!!!!

posted September 22, 2005 12:21 AM         

Funny you should mention anger management problems, because this was one of the eroding facters in the relationship with the Virgo. He didn't know how to talk about anything. All he knew was what HE thought, and any real or imagined challenge to that, would spur a full frontal attack. Not conducive to effective problem solving AT ALL. In short, he was such a dink. (not to suggest he had a short dink, by any means - unfortunatley, that was a factor in me trying too damn hard. Stupid Libido. LOL)

I don't know if his problems stemmed from a bad childhood experience, because he wasn't one to air his secret demons, except in his communication style. He was the 3rd youngest of ten, raised by a single mom in a 4 bedroom house, with only one bathroom. I think perhaps his sexual side never had the privacy or head space to develop. They were only allowed 3 minutes in the bathroom each, and he never had his own room until he moved out at 24 years old. So maybe he's just learned to supress his "sick urges" as he called it once.

He's a mumma's boy too. (Venus & Mars in Cancer, in the 8th) He drives for a half hour both ways every weekend to have coffee with his mom. None of the other kids are that regular, even though most live within minutes of her. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Just trying to elaborate on his mom thing. He has moon in Libra, conjunct his MC, so Mom is the Socially Pleasing Boss, so to speak. Again, nothing wrong with that. He just has some screwed up expectations with women. And he is sexually repressed. I'm not sure where that is in his chart. He does have Saturn sextile Venus & Mars in his chart (I have Venus trine Saturn, and I'm not repressed, so there goes that theory).

But, whatever. He's the first who ever rejected me, and I probably was due for that. God knows I've dished it out enough. But the reason, seems so lame to me. I think I was too hot to handle for him, what with him being all repressed and stuff.

*sigh* What a colossal waste of time. Or, not. I dunno. Whatev.

posted September 22, 2005 02:06 AM         

He ALSO has Venus in Cancer conjunct his Saturn in Cancer (which is apart of his T-square with Pluto in Libra and Jupiter in Aries in the 12th house). He always had to be in control - of arguments, sex, our activities, my schedule...etc.. It got worse when he was gone to Missouri for training for almost three months. I was here, in a small town, alone without a job and I called him crying he said "I don't have time for this or your problems. I have to concentrate on my work". That pretty much did it. I have NEVER had anyone act like that towards me, especially since it is so hard for me to show weakness anyway.

He wasn't repressed- actually he was good in that department until he started to hold it over my head.

Your ex sounds a bit like my Ex Virgo. His family was not demonstrative and he never learned to accept sex as anything but "dirty". Well, I don't want to say dirty, but he felt that he couldn't be free with a woman he totally loved because it would "defile" her. I don't really get it, but he was a good man (we are still friends thank God) but he just wasn't sexual.

Mr. Taurus seems similar in his argumentative style as your ex. He also had to control the fight. He would imagine me saying things or repeat what I said in a way that was opposite of my meaning. I would say 'hey baby, can you please empty the dishwasher' and he would repeat it as "Hey jerk, empty the damn dishwasher you lazy human being" LOL...

As far as being a momma's boy? Mine wasn't. He hated his mother with a passion - so I think that helped set up his love / hate way of dealing with females. He loved the strong ones (like me) but wanted to break us just as much- if you don't bend (like me) then it just gets harder - until you finally walk away.

So you didn't answer the question..did you move out or are you sticking it out until you find a place. I find that fire women can do that... I know several that can stay with a person and be civil enough until everything is in place (like me...LOL).

take care... and you are in my thoughts... good to get out now rather than to stay in something unhappy.

posted September 22, 2005 03:01 PM         

No, I'm not living there anymore. I moved out at the end of June. Quite suddenly (Aqua moon here) I'm renting a house with my niece and her freind. It's fun - but we party waaaayyyy too much! LOL... To tell you the truth, I didn't enjoy living out on the acreage. What can I say? I'm a city girl - born and raised. And my little car really wasn't ideal for winter driving on those country roads and highways. You have to have a 4 wheel drive, higher ground clearence type of vehicle. It's just safer. There were several things about that relationship that weren't working for me. They just kept piling up and piling up. I'm so stubborn though. I just couldn't seem to admit it to myself that I could never be happy with him. I mean, it took me a long time. I'm generally always happy, and I prefer it that way, so I can look at the bright side of almost anything, and tell myself "It's all good. It's fine". Till I started going looney, that is...LOL...I probably shouldn't joke about that - it actually was wearing me down. I even went to the doctor with symptoms of depression. She gave me some meds - serotonin uptake inhibitors - but I only took 2 doses and decided that I didn't need/want/like them at all. I just had to be honest with myself, that's all I really needed.

posted September 22, 2005 06:22 PM         

Ahh..yes, the let's wait and see if things get better or the "well I love him, maybe I can deal with some of these little issues". Then the issues grow to out of control proportions and you have nothing else to do but leave.

I would have left Mr. Taurus high and dry, but never had the opportunity (with the exception of him going to Texas) at that time his grandfather was also dying. I felt that even though I knew we wouldn't work out, I should still be there for him during his time of need. He still managed to turn that against me. I had said something about feeling good that I had handled things and the family well. I had meant that I had only known his family for less that two years. They are from a small Southern Baptist area in North Carolina. BIG culture shock for a lady from Laguna Hills, Cali that worked in the fast paced East Coast (Annapolis / Baltimore).

He showed up late, so I drove up to his family's by myself and attended the wake (with 300 of the family members and friends). His plane finally came in around 2am so there I was with his dad picking him up without so much as a second thought. I had his dress uniform pressed and ready to go along with all his medals..etc... I paid for my way out of my own pocket which set me back almost $1000 USD. I did it because of the love I had for him and respect for his family.

So when he accused me of being selfish for say I thought I handled things well, it really hurt. Him re-enlisting without telling me hurt - but knowing freedom was close made it all worth while. We agreed to break up on civil terms. I move out in two weeks (actually, they said I can start bringing stuff over now) and he moves back into the barracks on 10/20/05. He leaves the state for good the day before my b-day - not a bad present. LOL...

I just try to remain civil and bite my tongue. He also knows that I won't put up with anything anymore because I don't have to. I don't need the games or the bs or the pathological behaviour (especially the lying).

I am also moving to an area that is better community wise. It is known for being an artisic refuge with people from all over the country. There are scientists, writers, doctors, lawyers, artists, musicians...just tons of different people. There is a group that meets almost every Friday for a potluck dinner and drinks (I have been invited and I love it...). We also have a few great restaurants and bars - Karaoke.. I have just discovered so many new things about myself since meeting people in this town (it is called Bisbee - www.bisbeearizona.com). I used to always tie myself to family and career obligations and felt guilty for letting loose and living to enjoy MYSELF. LOL...

Now it's different.... and I am embracing the freedom.

So how are you working out with the ex-Virgo? Are you connecting this go round? Sometimes I wonder about my ex and I...actually, I also keep in contact with my ex-Leo with the Aqua moon (just found out he got popped for drinking and driving. I knew that was going to happen and I am glad he didn't have his daughter in the car).

The country is hard for a person that is more city oriented. I lived in a small surburb in Orange County. Even though So cal is huge, my area still had that hometown flare so living out East was a bit harder on me, but I adapted. I could never live in NC in that town Mr. T is from. That would kill me.

This county is great, but slightly isolated until you make good friends. I am about 75 miles Southeast of Tucson (the biggest city near us). I am closer to the Mexican border than a big city (the border is about 5 miles from work and 10 miles from home).

I remember you saying that things were difficult with this latest ex- sexually- because it seemed it always had to be on his terms. I am not sure if that is Saturn in the 8th or that Venus in Cancer thing, but I hear the latter can really do a number on a man. He is at once aloof and needy; controlling yet out of control - it is an odd combination. They have that love hate thing with women / mom... so very odd.

Hooked.... thank you for your sentiment. I sometimes stay in things for too long (I think it may be that Saturn in Taurus in the 8th house thing..or even Pluto on the ASC... it makes me want to deal with the ugly). Never worry about coming into a thread. Lioneye and I are both very open about other people stopping by, we just feel bad about taking over other peeps threads LOL...

Have you ever experienced anything like this?

posted September 22, 2005 07:01 PM           

OK, probably not that - you know how military pay is - but I know a spooky guy or two in counter-intel

posted September 22, 2005 07:57 PM         

Thank you . Hey...aren't you moving out to Fort Wegotcha in December or Jan? LOL..that would be Huachuca LOL....

I will be in Old Bisbee but would love to show you and Jase (and the little princess) around when you get here.

posted September 22, 2005 08:45 PM           

I'd love a tour of the area, and seeing your new town'd be nice, too.
How far away is it?
It sounds so cool it might become my independent weekend hangout.

Things are going OK w/ me.
Just OK (since this is LL I'll be honest).
Housewifery's kinda got me down.
I'm volunteering here and there and really do love that I get to be with Meg while she's this young, but I'm missing intellectual adult conversation - in no small part because I'm not really prepared for it any longer.
I can tell ya all about The Backyardigans and Clifford, though, and I know a scary amount about Toddler developmental stages.

To be honest further, Jase's kinda got me down, too - by his own admission, he's become more, "Ugh, I'm a guy," since getting in the Army (though without the obvious nighttime bennies - he's channeling all that energy into his car), and I'm missing my Sweet Geek
I'm hoping that some of that'll calm down once he gets out of the hyper-macho world of Aviation and into the band-and-drama-geek world of Intel.
(Though UAV's technically moving into Aviation come October...grr.)

posted September 22, 2005 10:28 PM         

I have never experienced physical violence in a relationship with a significant other, only while growing up. I don't know what I would do in a situation like that, but it does sound like you are moving on and enjoying your new job and home. It really upsets me and makes me angry that he would lay a hand on you (yes pisces get angry...well maybe it's my scorp influence, feels like pure fire sometimes). Well, take care and you too Lioneye.

Hi Proxieme,

Sorry to hear that you are down lately. Meanwhile I have not yet been intiated into military life. We are supposed to be leaving in November, but no orders yet. I hope he doesn't start that super macho bs with me, although I know he will have to change his mindset somewhat when he starts up. Come visit LL, we have lots of adult conversation (oh wait...?)

posted September 23, 2005 03:40 AM         

But what does this have to do with anything we're talking about?

posted September 23, 2005 01:18 PM         

Yeah the Army (or shall I say military) does get the people kind of riled up with the whole "Army of one" kind of thing. I can see their point though, they have to be able to be at their comrades side at any moment - no room for mistakes- type of thing. Mr. Taurus was pretty laid back until he went to Fort Lost-in-the-Woods for BNOC. He went from being somewhat sensitive to this overly macho idiot that kept saying "hoa" every other word.

I knew it was over back then (Jase is different and you two went into this together. Mr T and I met when he only had a couple of years to go before he got out- until he re-enlisted).

MI is different and from my experience meeting them, they seem a heck of alot more relaxed- same with some of the other branches. Air Force guys / ladies are also more relaxed and willing to just talk like a normal civilian. Mr. T and some of his other machoheads HATE civilians. Ugh!!!

Old Bisbee is about 30 miles from Sierra Vista (I have a car so no worries about transportation and it is easy for me to get on Post. I can pick you up and take you and Meg about).

My place it open any time. I have a two bedroom house - nicknamed the Skyhouse- that overlooks the canyon- however, it is a 56 step climb to it, so be prepared LOL...

There is also a great Temp agency that I can refer you to if you want to pick up a part time job or do a temporary stint. I know that the daycare on Post is great and there are even military wives that are certified to take in 4-5 children for day care. If you need any of that info, I'll get it out to you.

The biggest thing is to be able to meet people. It was hard on me because we didn't live on Post and I had only lived here a short time before he left for BNOC. But I am a Saggie, so I knew there would be light at the end of the tunnel and soon I would have lots of friends / job activities.

LMAO... yeah, now I am on the other side of the coin as far as social activities go. I am feeling a bit stretched- no overwhelmed is a better term- with people wanting me to do things or go places. Alot of it is my fault. I have volunteered for several county things, joined a community organization and I still have my own social crowd (well two separate ones LOL).

I thought Saturn in the 11th was supposed to STOP the activities LOL....

Hooked,

I am sorry for your childhood trauma. It has to hurt remembering the pain of the past or seeing / reading something that reminds you of old pains. Mr. Taurus (and this is SO not an excuse) came from an abusive family. Whoopins were the norm and like he said "If my brother did something to me, I knew I would get a beating from dad whether I retaliated against him or not, so I just learned to fight back because I'd get it anyway". He slept with a knife under his pillow for years because he was afraid of his older brother beating him.

His mother's family did the same thing. Grandma would beat her children and when they grew up, punishment was with a paddle / belt or other implement. So, when he wasn't getting beat by his brothers, it was his parents. I can't imagine that. I mean, my dad had a temper and we did get spanked (my dad was more verbally abusive as was my mother). My parents got wise and stopped that crap, but only after a divorce and counseling. Not to mention having to deal with the effects of my eating disorder brought about by their efforts to make me perfect LOL...

Still, I learned to stop the cycle (thank God for counselors....and astrology which helped me see into myself and some of my issues). Words hurt and sometimes people don't realize how much so.