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Author Topic:   Hard time letting go...
sweetlibra
Knowflake

Posts: 1382
From:
Registered: Oct 2004

posted November 20, 2005 01:33 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sweetlibra     Edit/Delete Message
Does anyone of you have a hard time letting go of a distructive relationship? How did you tackle it? Need your insights desperately.

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sue g
Knowflake

Posts: 8591
From: former land of the leprechaun
Registered: Sep 2004

posted November 20, 2005 03:13 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sue g     Edit/Delete Message
Very hard time in the past girl...two broken marriages. heart broken twice.

How did I deal with the hurt, prayer, healing, talking to friends, and having faith that it was the right thing for me.

I almost allowed love to kill me in the past.....so intense was my desire to connect with another, it was at times my downfall......and now....through time and experience, I have learned to allow positive and good love into my life. No more destructive or abusive love for me.

Good luck to you and sending love


Sue xxx xxx

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Bluemoon
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Posts: 4456
From: Stafford, VA USA
Registered: Feb 2005

posted November 20, 2005 08:29 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Bluemoon     Edit/Delete Message
Listen to Soogie!

Love and Light to you, Sweetlibra!

I am no good for advice on this subject.

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sweetlibra
Knowflake

Posts: 1382
From:
Registered: Oct 2004

posted November 20, 2005 09:40 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sweetlibra     Edit/Delete Message
I almost allowed love to kill me in the past.....so intense was my desire to connect with another, it was at times my downfall

I'm allowing love to kill me, sue...
I dono how many experiences I need to learn.
thnx bluemoon for everything u said

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Gemini Nymph
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Posts: 2216
From:
Registered: Jul 2004

posted November 21, 2005 12:43 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Gemini Nymph     Edit/Delete Message
GET ANGRY

I'm telling you, if you want to get rid of a guy, get angry. Just get seriously p*ssed off. Tell yourself you're better than this, you deserve better and it ends today.

Chances are you're already plenty angry if this relationship has hurt you, so just let yourself feel that anger. Anger is a great motivator and can help you stick to making tough decisions.

You don't have to get nasty with the other person - you just has to start looking out for yourself. You can't let yourself think twice about that. If this has been a bad raltionship, you'r entitled to get angry and get your life back. Once you get in touch with your anger, channel it into positive changes for yourself rather than hostility or further destructive behavior.

Get support from your friends - tell them what changes you want to make in your life and get them behind you. Also seeing a therapist is helpful - it's a confidential, safe way to talk about your fears, doubts, pain and other negative feelings that may be holding you back.

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sweetlibra
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Posts: 1382
From:
Registered: Oct 2004

posted November 21, 2005 03:14 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sweetlibra     Edit/Delete Message
Gemini Nymph, thnx for ur beautiful words.
I am already very much angry.
But I think only I'm unhappy in this relationship cuz I've been giving, giving and giving all my energy into it.
Sag does not understand why I'm arguing w/ him all the time, y i am intolerant of his shortcomings and the like.
My heart knows the relationship is dead, tht i'll never be happy w/ him. But i am still sexually attracted to him.
Whenever I see him, I wanted to give one more try

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purple_scorp
Knowflake

Posts: 441
From: Australia
Registered: Sep 2004

posted November 28, 2005 12:04 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for purple_scorp     Edit/Delete Message
Dear sweetlibra,

sexual attraction is lust and lust is not love. Lust is short-lived and has an expiry date.

The best advice I can give you is from the card notes that accompany The Lovers card in the Osho Zen tarot:

VI The Lovers

These three things are to be taken note of: the lowest love is sex - it is physical - and the highest refinement of love is compassion. Sex is below love, compassion is above love; love is exactly in the middle.

Very few people know what love is. Ninety-nine percent of people, unfortunately, think sexuality is love - it is not. Sexuality is very animal; it certainly has the potential of growing into love, but it is not actual love, only a potential....

If you become aware and alert, meditative, then sex can be transformed into love. And if your meditativeness becomes total, absolute, love can be transformed into compassion. Sex is the seed, love is the flower, compassion is the fragrance.

Buddha has defined compassion as love plus meditation. When your love is not just a desire for the other, when your love is not only a need, when your love is a sharing, when your love is not that of a beggar but an emperor, when your love is not asking for something in return but is ready only to give - to give for the sheer joy of giving - then add meditation to it and the pure fragrance is released. That is compassion; compassion is the highest phenomenon.

Commentary:
What we call love is really a whole spectrum of relating, reaching from the earth to the sky. At the most earthy level, love is sexual attraction. Many of us remain stuck there, because our conditioning has burdened our sexuality with all kinds of expectations and repressions. Actually the biggest "problem" with sexual love is that it never lasts. Only if we accept this fact can we then really celebrate it for what it is - welcome its happening, and say good-bye with gratitude when it's not.

Then, as we mature, we can begin to experience the love that exists beyond sexuality and honors the unique individuality of the other. We begin to understand that our partner often functions as a mirror, reflecting unseen aspects of our deeper self and supporting us to become whole.

This love is based in freedom, not expectation or need. Its wings take us higher and higher towards the universal love that experiences all as one.

with love
purple_scorp

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lioneye68
Knowflake

Posts: 6062
From: Canada
Registered: Apr 2003

posted November 28, 2005 02:22 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for lioneye68     Edit/Delete Message
Letting go is very liberating, sweet Libra. Girls are so hopelessly romantic. We believe that every love is eternal. And it is, but that doesn't mean you'll be with them forever. We tend to dwell on the good, and sweep the bad under the rug. That's not a bad thing. I think that's what the universe likes. Remember the good, forgive the bad.

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nannyfish
Knowflake

Posts: 242
From: England
Registered: Aug 2005

posted November 28, 2005 04:16 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for nannyfish     Edit/Delete Message
For me it comes down to:

1)Am I afraid in this relationship? If yes...cut and run. Don't answer phone, don't acknowledge. 1 Month without contact and it is all over.

2)Have I lost myself in this relationship? Is that little spark that is me hidden? If yes, examine if it because of your partner or yourself. Does your partner constantly criticize those aspects of yourself that YOU enjoy---your little idiosyncracies? Or do you, yourself, supress them because you are afraid your partner might not like them.

If you feel it is your partner, bring it up and have the debate. If it doesn't work out or nothing changes, at least you tried and the break-off is easier.

If it is you, bring YOU out. If you are not loved for YOU then at least you tried and the break-off is easier.

One thing life teaches is that there is ALWAYS something around the corner. We don't stagnate for long...

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sweetlibra
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Posts: 1382
From:
Registered: Oct 2004

posted November 28, 2005 05:16 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sweetlibra     Edit/Delete Message
That's a gr8 article purple_scorp, thanks for posting it
Yes lioneye68, I have to take good and go
nannyfish, let me ans ur checklist

1. Am I afraid in this relationship?
YES (getting ready to run. Planning to get another apartment)

2. Have I lost myself in this relationship? Is that little spark that is me hidden?
Not yet. But if I had to be in a serious relationship w/ him, then I'll have to practically live according to his family rules (from 10th century i think!)
Thanks everyone for your valuable words
love to you all

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sweetlibra
Knowflake

Posts: 1382
From:
Registered: Oct 2004

posted November 28, 2005 05:16 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sweetlibra     Edit/Delete Message
Oops double post

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nannyfish
Knowflake

Posts: 242
From: England
Registered: Aug 2005

posted November 28, 2005 07:25 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for nannyfish     Edit/Delete Message
SweetLibra...If you are afraid, please, please, please do NOT answer the phone, email, what have you...violent ppl will use every chance to gain the upperhand and control. Once they realize you are serious and cannot be manipulated, they turn to jelly and will back-off. But you have to be steadfast for the first month or so...

GOOD LUCK

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