posted November 20, 2005 09:41 PM         

I'm 19 now and living with stepdad. I left all my friends (my boyfriend and best friend of 5 years) to come out here and try and make some money. I have a problem with getting too attached to people and miss them severely. Especially after a very emotional goodbye with my best friend who is like a sister to me. I would be devestated (for lack of a better word) to lose her as a friend. I am so afraid of losing friends because it takes awhile for me to really connect with some people and there are few people that really understand me and take the time to listen. I feel so alone here, even though I've met some really nice people at work. I'm probably one of the most loyal people you would ever want to meet.

I just spoke with my bf and he and my best friend don't really get along. My friend is very protective of me and has a bad feeling about him (and vice versa), but I think I've fallen in love with him. I don't want to lose either of them. My bf wants to get a place here in Reno because I don't really want to move back home where there are very few jobs. I also really enjoyed living with my best friend because she is the easiest person for me to get along with and I can talk to her about things I can't with my bf. She talked briefly about getting a place with me again, and I am so afraid I will never see her again . She has helped me become a better person and I love her to death. I wish I could see them because I think about them everyday.

I guess I am so afraid of change. I've moved around a lot and lost a lot of friends. This manifested into severe depression and I had to take meds. What scares me is that I have feelings for my friend (not so much romantic or sexual) but I can't imagine life without her and I hate not being able to see her. I don't think she could ever understand this.

Even though I love my bf, I'm afraid of commitment and he is talking about starting a life together when we're only 19/20. I am excited about being on my own again, and we do have fun together but we have very different personalities. He is very serious (the whole moon in cap thing) and I am easygoing/laidback go with the flow type person. I think life is about having fun and laughing (that's how I deal with my depression/stess/anxiety.) He tells me I never take anything seriously (a lot of people tell me that.) I know when to be serious when I have to be, but I hate it - it's not natural to me. We have problems communicating sometimes, but we never stay mad at each other.

Well, I'm sorry. I didn't intend for this post to be that long and repetitive, but I just don't know what to do with my life at this point. I'm kind of scared, I guess it is a part of growing up but I hate it and it's making me ill.

posted November 21, 2005 02:53 AM         

Well, right now I am focusing on my job which I really enjoy and hopefully I will be put on full time as an amazon.com employee I'll be making good money and will finally be able to afford the things that I need. I'm just trying to have fun with my life - I'm 19 and I've got so much to live for right now.

Well, I thank you for your advice, I really do appreciate it and it means a lot to me. I will keep you posted in the next few day how things are going.

*hugs*

posted November 21, 2005 01:00 PM         

though i dont understand virgos , i know a few but dont really know them .

first thing first , i feel u could have avoided describing your mom . just an advice .....

posted November 21, 2005 03:58 PM         

Hmm, you sure sound like a Cancer Rising like me sometimes. Hehe. Just a thought.

I think on the one hand, you are learning valuable life skills by taking matters into one's hands and supporting yourself. This will help out later in life when times get hard. This memory will serve as a foundation as you navigate through life's storms. Realize you are a survivor! You are resilient and hadn't let the situation harden your heart.

On the other hand, feeling the emotions of the moment are hard! I think it is not a good sign that your best friend and boyfriend do not get along, and are saying negative things about each other to you. In the end, the ones who really love the yOu of yOu, will want you to grow in the way you want ~ the way that makes you shine and feel beautiful. Real love takes time and grows on its own too. I really have no advice on what to do about your friends. Just keep the previous sentences in mind.

Loves ya