posted November 27, 2005 02:26 AM         

i don't want to prolong the situation any, but i've never really been good at seperating logic from emotion. i know there's what i should do, and then there's what i "feel."

posted November 27, 2005 02:37 AM         

REASON,SEASON OR LIFETIME....

Pay attention to what you read. After you have finished reading it, you will know the reason it was sent to you!

People come into your life for a Reason, a Season or a Lifetime.

When you know which one it is for a person, you will know what to do for that person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually.

They may seem like a Godsend, and they are!

They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered, and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons: things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being a part of my life.

posted November 27, 2005 10:38 PM         

Two things. Firstly, it sounds as if for some reason, he is doubting your feelings for him. People that tell you ten times in a conversation that they love you are looking for approval and acceptance, or confirmation of your feelings for them.

And secondly, it sounds as if you and your man are having communication difficulties - which can happen in any relationship, not just long-distance ones. It's as though you and he are talking a different language. So, you need to find some common ground.

The difference I guess, when you're face to face, is that you can pickup so much more in body language, than you can by voice and tone alone.

If you are too exhausted to talk with him, then, you need to arrange for a time to talk when you are not so tired. And, you need to tell him, for example, "I love you honey, but, I'm so tired, how about we talk on Thursday night when I can give you my full attention?"

In the meantime, there are lots of other things you can do to make him feel loved. Send him a text message or an email, or a snail mail letter - just let him know you are there. Particularly if you've postponed your telephone conversation for another time. A quick text message to say, "I can't wait till Thursday night, when we talk" would speak volumes to him.

I don't think there is any problem with you having male friends. But, you have said that your partner is insecure, so I don't think he will cope well with you having male companionship....he has already hinted that you are cheating on him. You will have to think about the effect it will have on him and how to broach the subject with him carefully.

Now, having said that, I also believe in the reason/season theory. Are you perhaps looking for a way out of this relationship? Is your season with him over? Only you can answer that. You need to have a honest conversation with yoursElf to a) uncover whether your tiredness is an excuse to not talk to him; and b) whether your interest in meeting with this male friend is subconsciously for a reason other than a platonic friendship.

A healthy relationship can continue to grow and prosper only if both parties have the same interest at heart. You need to decide where you are, then take some positive action.

Good luck, d_m.

posted November 27, 2005 11:44 PM         

purple_scorp,
you have some good ideas. however, if i tell him i'm going to call him in a week, or even a few days he'll reply "why, you don't want to talk to me?" and if i reply sharply to that, he will say he was only joking. (ha ha) i got on him about lecturing me and he apologized. but you are right about him doubting his feelings for me. it irritates me how serious he can be, and insecure too. he was in a good mood when we were talking and all of a sudden he will say something like "i'm worthless, i don't deserve you"
and then he goes putting words in my mouth. i told him i was going to bed and he got quiet and i said "what are you mad at me now?" and he didn't respond and just said "i love you" and that was the end of our conversation.

posted November 28, 2005 03:33 AM         

life is not about making him happy.....it's about making yoursElf happy. You can't continually prop him up, at some point, he needs to accept, and take responsibility for, his own insecurities. You have worked through yours, so you know it's possible.

Reassure him of your love, and then stand firm in your reason. Don't get sucked into stroking his ego. Because that's exactly what he's looking for.

If he says, why don't you want to talk to me, you have to say, "I do want to talk to you but, I'm tired now". As long as you offer an alternative time, and follow it up with those other communication methods (sms, email etc) he will be less needy.

If he persists with that line, and starts with the "poor me" then you just need to say, "I love you, I'm tired, I will talk to you on Thursday, and now I'm hanging up" and then hang up on him.

When you are talking to him, try to remain calm, happy, and patient.

I'm sure things will improve for you.

posted December 02, 2005 06:34 PM         

Also I just realized, he has Mars in Libra, and I have Venus and Moon in Libra. I have mars in Capricorn and he has Moon in Capricorn. Are these helpful aspects? What would cause our problems communicating?

posted December 04, 2005 06:27 AM         

If you are a keen reader, there's a book by Beverly De Angelis called "Secrets about Men, Every Woman Should Know".

It looks at different ways that men and women translate the same conversation/piece of information. The book offers handy advice to help you understand all of the men in your life (your father, brother, partner, husband, son etc).

posted December 04, 2005 02:29 PM         

Thats very good advice purple_scorp!!! Thats what I'm talking about also. I was so shocked in counselling at first when I discovered the truth to our communication problems. It has made the world of difference to us.

It all takes time my dear, we have been at this for 13 years now and are just getting it now!!!

You will work it all out in time!!!

Patience!!!