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dorkus_malorkus
Knowflake

Posts: 1061
From: Hopelessly lost........
Registered: Jun 2003

posted February 10, 2006 02:39 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for dorkus_malorkus     Edit/Delete Message
hey i know i've been gone awhile. i went to spend time with my bf for a couple of days but this ended up being a month. his mom (whom he was living with doing in-home care)passed away. so i was there trying my best to be supportive. the next day, his dad was hospitalized. a few days later, his sister's tires were slashed by some crazy dude cos she wouldn't go out with him. i

lately i have just been thinking about starting a life with this guy. we've only been together for 5 mos. (3 of those in a long distance relationship.) and when i think of him, he is nothing like the guy i had always expected to fall for. we have different interests, different personalities and different ways of dealing with things. certain things about him annoy me and it seems we have to argue about everything. i mean we have never been in a huge "knock down drag out" fight which is what i always experienced, or rather witnessed with my mother thru all of her marriages. i just feel lucky to be with someone who doesn't beat me, and he constantly showers me with compliments and affection. but i will say certain things that most people would laugh at or take as a joke and he gives me the silent treatment. and then he will say he doesnt deserve me and tell me to find someone else. i mean later, we make up and forget it ever happened. he thinks i take everything too lightly. another thing is he doesn't have the best hygiene but i can't say this too him because it is a sensitive subject. maybe i'm being a virgo and just being too damn critical. the best i can describe it is that i can't live with him but i can't live without him.

i just feel this pressure all around me, from my dad telling me to get a job and how i should spend my money. i never have the energy to do things. i've been thinking lately about the military, and everyone i know discourages it. my dad, because he was in vietnam. my friends say it's too drastic and couldn't see me in the military. and of course my bf doesn't want me to go and i would miss him like hell. he says to me "you know we'll never get to see each other, right?" i know he loves me to death, but can't be so sure he wouldn't want to be with some else, someone more available. i am afraid of the commitment (four years might not seem like a lot, but it does to me)

i mean i love to party and drink and everything but i guess i can do something worthwhile before i return to all of that because i see myself going nowhere.

well if anyone is listening i appreciate it. and if anyone has any advice about the military or relationships please help me out!

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