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Author Topic:   Everyone needs to do this once in a while.
The Mutable Night Force
Knowflake

Posts: 1487
From: England
Registered: Dec 2004

posted May 26, 2006 01:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for The Mutable Night Force     Edit/Delete Message
Yeah. I'll apologise now. This is pretty much a suicidal post. Not literally, but close enough. Of course being with me being a teenager, I wouldn't worry much.

I just.... need some help. Like I really think I need some help. Practically every post I've posted at all on this Forum or Soul Unions pretty much explains what I'm going on about I guess.

Short story. I'm stupid. I've done that dumb thing every dumb girl's done at least once. I've got het up in my useless emotions and yep, you guessed it..? Fell for someone. This is the most bizarre and most horrible feeling I've ever had to endure. It's been the best occasionally. Point being- it's all no good. I've wasted my life this year. I've spent an entire year nowgetting my hopes up for something that was never certain and now highly unlikely. What sucks is my situation is really long and complicated to explain. I can't tell anyone everything.

Suffice to say.... oh god, what do I do.
I cannot stop thinking about him. I actually realistically fear for sanity now. God I'm actually off my rocker. What do I do? Ok, so no one probably knows. No one can help me. And I've done this all to myself. I'm so so stupid.
Anyone know the name of a good counciller? I can't even be bothered to check the spelling of that word.

Sorry. I just needed to... vent.. that. Thanks.

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shop22much
Knowflake

Posts: 970
From: you said hello
Registered: Apr 2005

posted May 26, 2006 01:44 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for shop22much     Edit/Delete Message
oh dear...
i feel like im reading myself when i was your age...it sounds like you cant really talk about it in depth here, but if you want to talk you can email me.

if you wanna talk about it privately..

hope it gets better hun...
<3

------------------
give me more Love, or more disdain;
the torrid, or the frozen zone
bring equal ease unto my paine:
the temperate affords me none;
either extreme, of love or hate,
is sweeter than a calme estate
- thomas carew " mediocrity in love rejected"

think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. - K. Gibran

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lotusheartone
Knowflake

Posts: 548
From: MOther & Father GOd
Registered: Feb 2008

posted May 26, 2006 01:44 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lotusheartone     Edit/Delete Message
May I ask..why it is highly unlikely..for it to work out?..My vibes say..it's all okay..true Love OverComes everything. ...

Love and Respect for ALL..

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Swerve
Knowflake

Posts: 1251
From: London
Registered: Nov 2002

posted May 26, 2006 02:03 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Swerve     Edit/Delete Message
Mutable....

1 - STOP beating yourself up

2 - STOP thinking you are stupid (when anyone who knows you knows how STUPID you are for thinking you are stupid when you are bloody smart)

3 - Just learn from the experience, madness and all. Who told you falling for someone and being mad were different things??? Same patterns, same feelings, same thoughts....alll lessons to be learned.

4 - Do you honestly know anyone in life who gets this right without making a fool of themselves a few times? (and you may not even be doing that right now)

When people say falling they mean losing control. Losing control means not being in control. Not being in control means being lead by your emotions. Emotions are always more powerful than reason in the short-term. So why crucify yourself with powerless logic AND let the feelings become the enemy.

Remember this, you can never feel anything that you aren't capable of feeling. Which means its all natural. All perfectly OK even when its not and all VERY healthy. They say let the feelings pass and learn from the lesson.

Keep that in mind and your chin up babe.

Swerve x

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shop22much
Knowflake

Posts: 970
From: you said hello
Registered: Apr 2005

posted May 26, 2006 02:27 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for shop22much     Edit/Delete Message
wow...that was a beautiful post swerve

------------------
give me more Love, or more disdain;
the torrid, or the frozen zone
bring equal ease unto my paine:
the temperate affords me none;
either extreme, of love or hate,
is sweeter than a calme estate
- thomas carew " mediocrity in love rejected"

think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. - K. Gibran

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pixelpixie
Knowflake

Posts: 5470
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted May 26, 2006 02:44 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for pixelpixie     Edit/Delete Message
Completely agree with Swerve, I don't have to add anything but my kudos and my wish that you'd hug yourself, Mutable, and forgive yourself for exploring the depth of your emotions. It's not an offense.... it's something you have to know.
This will lead to that, and that will lead to those and those will lead you to a better understanding of your lessons and joys and the things that make you you and sacred.
Sacredness is reciprocated, if it's held to it's full stature. So chin up, babe-alicious.
You're awesome! ( and he knows it) But YOU have to.

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lioneye68
Knowflake

Posts: 6062
From: Canada
Registered: Apr 2003

posted May 26, 2006 02:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lioneye68     Edit/Delete Message
Mutable, you didn't actually think you would escape the Madness forever, did you? Go ahead and let yourself feel whatever you feel. It's frightening, I know, to have such powerful feelings, the likes of which you've never known before. Consider it a Rite of Passage.

I get the idea that you've fallen for someone who may not be able to reciprocate - Ouch. The only cure for that is TIME, and most importantly NO CONTACT - this one is a must.

And, one more thing - don't let it become mutated into something negative (vengence, jealously, etc) - because that is the absolute WRONG use of it's power, and will only lead to your own pain and undoing.

Hold on to yourself for the duration of this ride. There is no getting off before it's over.

And, please come here whenever you need some help sorting yourself out.

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Azalaksh
Moderator

Posts: 7260
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Nov 2004

posted May 26, 2006 07:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Azalaksh     Edit/Delete Message
Hi TMNF ~

Love is a form of insanity, luv. But you are a sane and grounded soul, and the only counsellor you need to see is Father Time…..

We all fall some time in our lives for someone who’s either emotionally unavailable, or just plain incompatible, even though the Neptune in us continues to dream its dreams and weave its fantasies. The Heart has reasons that Reason cannot know…..

What did you learn from this experience?? Give yourself a great big hug, pamper yourself for awhile, and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Just another hard lesson at SchoolRoom Earth. You are STRONG and you’ll be fine!!

And to emphasize what everyone else has said You Are Not Stupid and You Are Not Off Your Rocker!!! Thank the Powers That Be that you have a fully-functional and loving heart

Take care of yourself, sweetie ~
Zala

PS: Swerve ~ you are a wise and compassionate man -- your post was outstanding!

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Yang
Knowflake

Posts: 2296
From: A temporary home
Registered: May 2004

posted May 26, 2006 09:13 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Yang     Edit/Delete Message
Before you consider seeing a councillor, I suggest you take some time out for yourself. Either spend a weekend away alone, or a few hours completely alone, and look at your situation from another perspective. See whether it is worth it or not, and act on what you find at the end of your alone time.

Wishing you the best...

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fayte.m
Knowflake

Posts: 9809
From:
Registered: Mar 2005

posted May 26, 2006 10:47 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for fayte.m     Edit/Delete Message
TMNF
Keep talking dear.
Lots of folks will listen to you and try to help.
Many of us have been through this feeling.
You have gotten alot of good advice here from caring folks.
When I was your age I had counseling. Even when I got older I sometimes had to reach out. It really does help to talk to a professional if you do not have a close older friend who understands. I had both a counselor and my beloved 84 year old best friend.
Hold on and keep talking. There is nothing wrong with you as a person. Love involves taking a chance, letting yourself love another is not wrong or a mistake. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it does not. But you will find the right one for you.


------------------
~I intend to continue learning forever~"Fayte"
~I am still learning~ Michangelo
The Door to Gnosis is never permanently locked...one only needs the correct keys and passwords.
The pious man with closed eyes can often hold more ego than a proud man with open eyes.
Out of the mouth of babes commeth wisdom that can rival that of sages.
In the rough, or cut and polished..a diamond is still a precious gem.
-NEXUS-

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The Mutable Night Force
Knowflake

Posts: 1487
From: England
Registered: Dec 2004

posted May 27, 2006 11:24 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for The Mutable Night Force     Edit/Delete Message
Ohh wow. Thank you to everyone. I feel like a big attention-seeker now! I'm really very flattered by all this genuinely useful and level-headed advice. Thank you very very much.

shop22much- that is so sweet of you. It's cool you understand.

lotusheartone- Ahh, well, maybe that would be true if there was love involved! But there's no real love here.

Swerve- I'm.... well, touched. Really I am. You managed to make everything sound so sane and good. Thank you.

pixie- it's depth of emotions that creates the pain and no doubt it'll be worse one day. Thank you for posting cos I always kind of find your posts reassuring. You are awesome too.

lioneye- haha no you can't escape can you? The no-contact thing is part of the pain. Because he's tried to stop contacting me in case I lull him into something again. That's part of the sting cos I'm not so sure he maybe still likes me. Possibly the worst thing is that I can't escape him. His band are getting more recognition and pretty soon he could be famous with a million girls telling him he's cute and I'll god damn die. Thanks for the advice btw.

Zala- aww thank you.. yeah, time... I can only hope it passes quickly, as it's gone so slowly for me for so long now!

Yang- Thanks, I shall try.

fayte- That's very inspirational. Thank you. I can only hope stuff works out somehow and you're right- everyone's advice has been excellent.

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Yang
Knowflake

Posts: 2296
From: A temporary home
Registered: May 2004

posted May 27, 2006 09:07 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Yang     Edit/Delete Message
No problem TMNF! Everything will sort itself out in the end!

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Charlotte
Knowflake

Posts: 1764
From: USA
Registered: Apr 2004

posted May 28, 2006 03:50 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Charlotte     Edit/Delete Message
{{{{ hugs }}}} TMNF...
I sure remember that feeling well, it "WILL" get better- Hang in there!

------------------
May the angel of your higher s-elf, guide you always.

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sue g
Knowflake

Posts: 8591
From: former land of the leprechaun
Registered: Sep 2004

posted May 28, 2006 07:16 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sue g     Edit/Delete Message
You are very brave to reach out this way sweetie....!!

Ive felt like this lots of times....and often felt there was no one to turn to. Wished I'd had LL and the wonderful ones here who comfort and offer wise words....

Everything passes....often when we have a black cloud above our heads or feel that we are in a dark deep hole....we tend to forget one thing....

Everything passes...and you never know whats around the corner.....

love and hugs to you......

Can I send you some healing...do you have a pic anywhere?

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The Mutable Night Force
Knowflake

Posts: 1487
From: England
Registered: Dec 2004

posted May 29, 2006 01:47 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for The Mutable Night Force     Edit/Delete Message
to you too, Yang. Thank you

Charlotte, hi, thanks I needed that hug! And, well, all there is to do is hang I guess.

sue- hello! Not sure about bravery, more desperation. I'm lucky I know this place- not everyone has the luxury of good advice and support at their fingertips so thank god for LL I suppose! Hugs to you too
Pics... well I figured it would be wise not to post a picture of myself on an internet site til I was 16 so only three more months now and then I'll make an occasion out of it! I'm grateful for any healing you're able to send in any case.
(btw, I'm deeply saddened to see that leprechauns no longer run amock in Ireland! Is this true? How tragic.)

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