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Author Topic:   Personal rants and other self depreciating thoughts to be ignored by others
Divine Goddess
Knowflake

Posts: 209
From: The arms of unconsciousness
Registered: Sep 2005

posted August 08, 2006 05:07 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Divine Goddess     Edit/Delete Message
Sitting in my room lost deep in thought
Sweat dripping down my body, the summer air so hot
My heart seems shrunken, like a dried up lilly
Cant help but wonder, why the hell i'm so silly
People say that I'm a bytch, that my words hurt them all.
Do they wonder if I care, cause they don't like me at all.
Lonliness is an addiction that i refuse to ever fight
Perhaps that's what's meant for me
To be alone and never be seen
Plagued by the thoughts of misery and sorrow
I refuse to be delusioned by the hope of a brighter tomorrow
I can never be the ideal kind of girl
I'm too ugly deep within my shell, dark like the underworld
A waste of a soul I am, a waste of human flesh
The darkness within me caves all around my heart
It's been many a years since i lost the yearn for a spark
Of hope and joy, such feelings are but a dream
In this nightmarish existence, for that's what my life seems
Perhaps the victim of my father's cruel touch
Or the prisoner of a mother who couldnt ever love
It doesn't really matter, for life is just temporary
A few pills here and there, i could reach a sactuary
Although a blade against my veins could do the trick.
The holes of a bullet could eat through my blood and spit
Love was never meant for me for i am not worthy
Of a heart, a kind word, or even sheer sympathy
Sometimes i wonder why was i drawn to the stars
Nobody listens to my prophecies, and belittle my powers
Even though what i say comes true, but then i'm the one to blame
Perhaps I dont know what to do with my sad destituted self.
I have no talent to show some creativity
Whatever i churn out, only brings misery
Sadness is just a way i choose to measure my worth
Which isnt much, it's a waste of breathing space on this earth.
Yet i can forever wonder what's instore for me
Why would i have survived those 5 life taking attempts
Perhaps the blade was too blunt, or the pills werent potent enough
Maybe i need something more drastic, and embrace the pains to come
I wont be missed, for nobody cares about my rotten self
I am just a burden to those who call themselves my family
An embarrassment is too kind a word for me, shame is much better
I deserved to be stoned in public, or peed on by an irish setter
Self Mutilation has forever been a source of ecstacy
Perhaps like christ, i shall die to fulfill a prophecy.
Although it wouldnt be as noble as his efforts.
Burn me for such blasphemy
Although, such a demise would be only to good
For someone as brittle hearted like me.

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Superstition is to religion what astronomy is to astrology: the mad daughter of a wise mother

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cappyme
Knowflake

Posts: 328
From:
Registered: Dec 2004

posted August 08, 2006 05:51 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for cappyme     Edit/Delete Message
Did you write this by yourself??? Its beautifully written and it sooo intense. I can actually feel the emotions in the poem and empathize with it. Please don't think noone cares though cause we all in Lindaland care, and you can always come here and vent .

Edit: Oops I didn't notice the "to be ignored by others" line in the topic. Sorry Divine Goddess, I guess.

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Divine Goddess
Knowflake

Posts: 209
From: The arms of unconsciousness
Registered: Sep 2005

posted August 08, 2006 06:37 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Divine Goddess     Edit/Delete Message
I only wrote the "to be ignored by others" bit, because like many of my efforts and cries of love or acceptance, they tend to be ignored like dust swept beneath a rug. Be it anywhere, and everywhere, I am just an outcast for the crime of expression.


I wrote those thoughts as i allowed my mind to spiral down into my soul, in a hope to find some light. Unfortunately, darkness is what plages my spirit with spite.

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Superstition is to religion what astronomy is to astrology: the mad daughter of a wise mother

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Divine Goddess
Knowflake

Posts: 209
From: The arms of unconsciousness
Registered: Sep 2005

posted August 08, 2006 09:39 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Divine Goddess     Edit/Delete Message
Chaos
Sweet beautiful Chaos
Intangible, incomprehensible Chaos
The state of my life, the state of my soul
Chaotic spirit, consuming me whole
Each drop of blood, pumped by my heart
Pulsates to chaotic essense since the start
Damned if i do, damned if i dont
My crucified self, crumbling without support
Drops of crystal water, turn vile with disease
Fruits of mother earth, rot like my body
Every breath of air, marred by my noxious gasp
Not even the fires so pure, can cleanse my soul
Chaos
That's what my life is..Chaos
My mind body and soul ... Chaos
Scattered energy fated to be wasted
For nothing I do, has any worth
I am the scum to be scrapped of one's shoe
I am the rust, the kisses the sword of typhoon
The feelings i possess cannot be described
Emotional chaos plagues my hide
Nobody cares about my putride self, no one at all
Should i drown my sorrows, drop to the bottom of the falls
Chaos
That's my life.. Chaos
That's what i'm fit for..Chaos
Sweet Beautiful Chaos
All consuming Chaos
That's all i hope to produce..Chaos
For I am.. Chaos
Chaos.

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Superstition is to religion what astronomy is to astrology: the mad daughter of a wise mother

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Divine Goddess
Knowflake

Posts: 209
From: The arms of unconsciousness
Registered: Sep 2005

posted August 09, 2006 05:51 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Divine Goddess     Edit/Delete Message
Papa can you hear me?
Papa can you hear me cry?
Crying tears of misery
Caused by your very own hands.
Papa can you see me?
Papa can you see me now?
Holding onto so desperately
The hope that it would be alright
Why did you have to do it?
Why did you have to do those things?
In the dark of every single night
Invading my body, overpowering my with your might?
Could you see my skin glisten
Glisten with that youthful glimmer
Fresh as a peach in the ripe
Only to be plucked by
Your calloussed rough masculine hands
I only wanted to love you
Not the way you wanted to love me

Papa can you hear me?
Papa can you hear me sigh?
Sighing out in pain, what you misunderstood as pleasure
Wasn't I good enough to treasure?
Or was I always a burden on you?
Was love something too much to ask for?
Was it so hard to give me?
Why did you not care for me, the way you were supposed to?
Why did you humiliate me, torturing my soul?
I am now a vessel, an empty vessel of darkness
My heart beats no more, for the yearn of love, just pure hate.
I can never hate you papa, you always said you loved me
Even in times you tore me apart, saying that it was good for me.
Perhaps thats what you considered me
Not a daughter, but a mistress
I only hope i was, able to cater to you well.

Papa can you find me?
Papa can you find me now?
In the middle of the night
Curled up out of sight.
You cannot hurt me
For you've now left this world
Yet you insist on haunting me
In my private dream world
You never wanted to hurt me, i understand that.
But you forgot that I wasn't, meant for that kind of love.
Why did you leave me, without saying goodbye?
Why did you leave me, without the decency to apologize?
What am i supposed to do with myself?
How am i supposed to heal?
My soul is tarnished by your manhood
Just as my self esteem.

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Superstition is to religion what astronomy is to astrology: the mad daughter of a wise mother

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Peri
Moderator

Posts: 2447
From: Kyiv, Ukraine
Registered: Dec 2003

posted August 09, 2006 07:45 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Peri     Edit/Delete Message
Beautiful!

You should also post them in the Yellow Wax And The Ants!

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fayte.m
Knowflake

Posts: 9809
From: Still out looking for Schrödinger's cat. fayte1954@hotmail.com
Registered: Mar 2005

posted August 09, 2006 09:00 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for fayte.m     Edit/Delete Message
Many of us do understand.

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Age is a State of Mind. Change Your Mind!
~I intend to continue learning forever~Enigma
~I am still learning~ Michangelo
The Door to Gnosis is never permanently locked...one only needs the correct keys and passwords.~Enigma
The pious man with closed eyes can often hold more ego than a proud man with open eyes.~NEXUS
Out of the mouth of babes commeth wisdom that can rival that of sages.~Enigma
In the rough, or cut and polished..a diamond is still a precious gem.
-NEXUS-

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Divine Goddess
Knowflake

Posts: 209
From: The arms of unconsciousness
Registered: Sep 2005

posted August 09, 2006 01:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Divine Goddess     Edit/Delete Message
Sliding down, into this pit of sorrow
Drowning within, these thoughts of horror
Grey, pale, emotions so bleak and frozen
Like saturnial ice, frigid and morose
Stimulated by the pains of yesterday
Hiding out from you so far away
Salvation being a distant dream
Drowning down deep within a stream
Illusions seem to be my only solitude
A sanctuary from reality oh so cruel
When will it all end? This journey tires me.
Why can't I get off this ride of life,
I see no destination meant for me
Every little droplet that i swallow
Gives me a smile beyond the wallow
Every little powder that i sniff
Gives me the energy to face life stiff
Nothing however, no drink, no potion
Can raise me beyond this dark notion
Is it so wrong to want to end one's life?
After all, the body, is just an illusion?
This is all an illusion
Happiness being the biggest one of them all
There's just too much confusion
Why do we waste our time? Acheiving a hope of illusion?

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Superstition is to religion what astronomy is to astrology: the mad daughter of a wise mother

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