Author
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Topic: Personal rants and other self depreciating thoughts to be ignored by others
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Divine Goddess Knowflake Posts: 209 From: The arms of unconsciousness Registered: Sep 2005
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posted August 08, 2006 05:07 PM
Sitting in my room lost deep in thought Sweat dripping down my body, the summer air so hot My heart seems shrunken, like a dried up lilly Cant help but wonder, why the hell i'm so silly People say that I'm a bytch, that my words hurt them all. Do they wonder if I care, cause they don't like me at all. Lonliness is an addiction that i refuse to ever fight Perhaps that's what's meant for me To be alone and never be seen Plagued by the thoughts of misery and sorrow I refuse to be delusioned by the hope of a brighter tomorrow I can never be the ideal kind of girl I'm too ugly deep within my shell, dark like the underworld A waste of a soul I am, a waste of human flesh The darkness within me caves all around my heart It's been many a years since i lost the yearn for a spark Of hope and joy, such feelings are but a dream In this nightmarish existence, for that's what my life seems Perhaps the victim of my father's cruel touch Or the prisoner of a mother who couldnt ever love It doesn't really matter, for life is just temporary A few pills here and there, i could reach a sactuary Although a blade against my veins could do the trick. The holes of a bullet could eat through my blood and spit Love was never meant for me for i am not worthy Of a heart, a kind word, or even sheer sympathy Sometimes i wonder why was i drawn to the stars Nobody listens to my prophecies, and belittle my powers Even though what i say comes true, but then i'm the one to blame Perhaps I dont know what to do with my sad destituted self. I have no talent to show some creativity Whatever i churn out, only brings misery Sadness is just a way i choose to measure my worth Which isnt much, it's a waste of breathing space on this earth. Yet i can forever wonder what's instore for me Why would i have survived those 5 life taking attempts Perhaps the blade was too blunt, or the pills werent potent enough Maybe i need something more drastic, and embrace the pains to come I wont be missed, for nobody cares about my rotten self I am just a burden to those who call themselves my family An embarrassment is too kind a word for me, shame is much better I deserved to be stoned in public, or peed on by an irish setter Self Mutilation has forever been a source of ecstacy Perhaps like christ, i shall die to fulfill a prophecy. Although it wouldnt be as noble as his efforts. Burn me for such blasphemy Although, such a demise would be only to good For someone as brittle hearted like me.------------------ Superstition is to religion what astronomy is to astrology: the mad daughter of a wise mother IP: Logged |
cappyme Knowflake Posts: 328 From: Registered: Dec 2004
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posted August 08, 2006 05:51 PM
Did you write this by yourself??? Its beautifully written and it sooo intense. I can actually feel the emotions in the poem and empathize with it. Please don't think noone cares though cause we all in Lindaland care, and you can always come here and vent .Edit: Oops I didn't notice the "to be ignored by others" line in the topic. Sorry Divine Goddess, I guess.
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Divine Goddess Knowflake Posts: 209 From: The arms of unconsciousness Registered: Sep 2005
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posted August 08, 2006 06:37 PM
I only wrote the "to be ignored by others" bit, because like many of my efforts and cries of love or acceptance, they tend to be ignored like dust swept beneath a rug. Be it anywhere, and everywhere, I am just an outcast for the crime of expression. I wrote those thoughts as i allowed my mind to spiral down into my soul, in a hope to find some light. Unfortunately, darkness is what plages my spirit with spite.
------------------ Superstition is to religion what astronomy is to astrology: the mad daughter of a wise mother IP: Logged |
Divine Goddess Knowflake Posts: 209 From: The arms of unconsciousness Registered: Sep 2005
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posted August 08, 2006 09:39 PM
Chaos Sweet beautiful Chaos Intangible, incomprehensible Chaos The state of my life, the state of my soul Chaotic spirit, consuming me whole Each drop of blood, pumped by my heart Pulsates to chaotic essense since the start Damned if i do, damned if i dont My crucified self, crumbling without support Drops of crystal water, turn vile with disease Fruits of mother earth, rot like my body Every breath of air, marred by my noxious gasp Not even the fires so pure, can cleanse my soul Chaos That's what my life is..Chaos My mind body and soul ... Chaos Scattered energy fated to be wasted For nothing I do, has any worth I am the scum to be scrapped of one's shoe I am the rust, the kisses the sword of typhoon The feelings i possess cannot be described Emotional chaos plagues my hide Nobody cares about my putride self, no one at all Should i drown my sorrows, drop to the bottom of the falls Chaos That's my life.. Chaos That's what i'm fit for..Chaos Sweet Beautiful Chaos All consuming Chaos That's all i hope to produce..Chaos For I am.. Chaos Chaos.
------------------ Superstition is to religion what astronomy is to astrology: the mad daughter of a wise mother IP: Logged |
Divine Goddess Knowflake Posts: 209 From: The arms of unconsciousness Registered: Sep 2005
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posted August 09, 2006 05:51 AM
Papa can you hear me? Papa can you hear me cry? Crying tears of misery Caused by your very own hands. Papa can you see me? Papa can you see me now? Holding onto so desperately The hope that it would be alright Why did you have to do it? Why did you have to do those things? In the dark of every single night Invading my body, overpowering my with your might? Could you see my skin glisten Glisten with that youthful glimmer Fresh as a peach in the ripe Only to be plucked by Your calloussed rough masculine hands I only wanted to love you Not the way you wanted to love mePapa can you hear me? Papa can you hear me sigh? Sighing out in pain, what you misunderstood as pleasure Wasn't I good enough to treasure? Or was I always a burden on you? Was love something too much to ask for? Was it so hard to give me? Why did you not care for me, the way you were supposed to? Why did you humiliate me, torturing my soul? I am now a vessel, an empty vessel of darkness My heart beats no more, for the yearn of love, just pure hate. I can never hate you papa, you always said you loved me Even in times you tore me apart, saying that it was good for me. Perhaps thats what you considered me Not a daughter, but a mistress I only hope i was, able to cater to you well. Papa can you find me? Papa can you find me now? In the middle of the night Curled up out of sight. You cannot hurt me For you've now left this world Yet you insist on haunting me In my private dream world You never wanted to hurt me, i understand that. But you forgot that I wasn't, meant for that kind of love. Why did you leave me, without saying goodbye? Why did you leave me, without the decency to apologize? What am i supposed to do with myself? How am i supposed to heal? My soul is tarnished by your manhood Just as my self esteem.
------------------ Superstition is to religion what astronomy is to astrology: the mad daughter of a wise mother IP: Logged |
Peri Moderator Posts: 2447 From: Kyiv, Ukraine Registered: Dec 2003
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posted August 09, 2006 07:45 AM
Beautiful!You should also post them in the Yellow Wax And The Ants! IP: Logged |
fayte.m Knowflake Posts: 9809 From: Still out looking for Schrödinger's cat. fayte1954@hotmail.com Registered: Mar 2005
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posted August 09, 2006 09:00 AM
Many of us do understand. ------------------ Age is a State of Mind. Change Your Mind! ~I intend to continue learning forever~Enigma ~I am still learning~ Michangelo The Door to Gnosis is never permanently locked...one only needs the correct keys and passwords.~Enigma The pious man with closed eyes can often hold more ego than a proud man with open eyes.~NEXUS Out of the mouth of babes commeth wisdom that can rival that of sages.~Enigma In the rough, or cut and polished..a diamond is still a precious gem. -NEXUS- IP: Logged |
Divine Goddess Knowflake Posts: 209 From: The arms of unconsciousness Registered: Sep 2005
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posted August 09, 2006 01:26 PM
Sliding down, into this pit of sorrow Drowning within, these thoughts of horror Grey, pale, emotions so bleak and frozen Like saturnial ice, frigid and morose Stimulated by the pains of yesterday Hiding out from you so far away Salvation being a distant dream Drowning down deep within a stream Illusions seem to be my only solitude A sanctuary from reality oh so cruel When will it all end? This journey tires me. Why can't I get off this ride of life, I see no destination meant for me Every little droplet that i swallow Gives me a smile beyond the wallow Every little powder that i sniff Gives me the energy to face life stiff Nothing however, no drink, no potion Can raise me beyond this dark notion Is it so wrong to want to end one's life? After all, the body, is just an illusion? This is all an illusion Happiness being the biggest one of them all There's just too much confusion Why do we waste our time? Acheiving a hope of illusion?
------------------ Superstition is to religion what astronomy is to astrology: the mad daughter of a wise mother IP: Logged | |