posted November 14, 2006 02:14 AM         

So let's say one had a 10 year relationship with someone...once upon a time, this person was your ballast- your best friend, your lover, someone who would be completely honest with, someone who would forgive those oh-so-human mistakes that every person makes.

blah blah blah insert love struck girly statements that usually include "i have NEVER felt this way before" and "is he my soulmate?"

What drek.
No sweetie, he is not- if he can't admit you're his girlfriend- even though he lives with you, and you bring him home beer. Especially not, when he talks about a future without mention of you, even though he has been sleeping with you for almost a DECADE.

I am going with the "Sex and the City" ideology here.. "He's just not that into you." Well, enough that he'll still come over at 2am wasted and wanting to argue about something.

I am really not as bitter as this may sound. (most of this is just comic relief) I had reached the point this summer where I was ready for "it" to be "done." The liberal use of quotations signifies how our "relationship" transcended societal labels.

Yah. I call bullsh!t on that idea too.

We had even discussed the end- rationally, like friends who have decided to move on. But-duh, being human- continued to have sex.

Long story short- because there's really no way to condense 10 years of endless dithering- our "relationship" ended in the most brutal, terrible wretched way possible. And it was very ironic and very karmic and that part of it I can't really discuss because it still hurts.

FASTFORWARD to Right Now..

I had that feeling.. i still think about him, but less and less emotion is tangled in those thoughts...but I just knew. And thus, The Dude calls..

Him: Hey, what's up?
Me: Not much...how is Colorado treating you?
Him: Alright. What's up with you?
Me: Well..(talk for about 3 minutes about current activities)
Him: *30 second pause* yeah?
Me (??) yeah...

This is a re-enactment of the ENTIRE 20 MINUTE call- but don't forget to add the 5 or 6 long, uncomfortable silences. Yeagads.

So, this is the riddle... Why Bother?
And I am not questioning it in the manner of:
"Does this mean he still cares?"
I don't care. Thus, his emotions are no longer my obligation.
"Maybe he was just worried about me."
See above.
"Maybe he was drunk and/or high?"
Probably.

WTF? Help me out, lovely people of LL- when you call someone, don't you anticipate you will actually speak into that phone? Maybe, if you are nervous, at least come up with a couple of sure-fire topics to converse about?

WHAT was I THINKING for damn near 10 years?

I have never been so happy to be single.. oh, wait a minute- technically I HAVE been for a decade. At least now I am cool with it.

The best part? He called me "dude."
Dude? You are calling me dude? I have given you how many blow jobs and you call me "DUDE?"

Oh, I am so relieved all that's over. I love being ruled by Pluto.

Love Y'all Lots-
MK

posted November 14, 2006 02:46 AM         

Reckless Sun
Obstinate Moon
Tactless Ascendant

posted November 14, 2006 02:58 AM           

------------------
"WHATEVER the soul longs for, WILL be attained by the spirit"-Khalil Gibran

posted November 14, 2006 03:27 AM         

I cant stand it when guys say that to me, either.

posted November 14, 2006 10:23 AM         

Dude!! I love the way you write!!

As for your experience, dotted with the liberal use of "quotes" which I love to use too (gee I wonder what that is in our natal charts ) -- my first thought upon reading your scintillating phone exchange with your ex was "this guy was looking for an ego massage and still thinks he'll get it from you".....

posted November 14, 2006 01:57 PM         

I so enjoyed reading this because I can relate.

And believe me, you don't sound bitter. You sound smarter, more informed and wiser.

They always call again. I think he wanted to hear how you missed him and what happened. I think it's still sort of cowardly, and you did the right thing.

You're definitely feeling the right way. And articulating the right emotions. It sounds like your bar is higer. And if he can't meet and exceed, then oh well, stay away. And it sounds like, meeting that bar is something you want him to do on his own, not with your guidance.

So, kudos for you!

To making the sisterhood stronger by being a stronger woman and toughening these men!!!

posted November 15, 2006 12:03 AM         

Word.

posted November 15, 2006 05:46 AM         

Would love to see his chart....what is he the thirteenth sign or something?

Dude?.....what a dickhead!!!!

How did he refer to you when you were together, did he call you dude then?! Did he ever have any endearing terms for you at all?

Aaaaarrggghhhhh.....I dont wanna just fart on his head, I wanna kick him in it......and shout at him WAKE UP DUDE!!!!!!!!

Okay spill the beans MK. what are his placements....just very curious!?

posted November 15, 2006 06:22 AM         

I only just learned this -- being middle-aged and out of the loop and all -- the 20-somethings call *everyone* (male, female) "Dude". Once I replied to a co-worker who called me Dude, "hey, I'm a dudette!" she told me, "no, you're a dude -- I'm a dude".....

posted November 15, 2006 12:49 PM         

Sorry I can't lend much love advice... I'm not exactly good with relationships myself. I just enjoy your posts.

_________________________________________
Scorpio sun, venus, mars, mercury, and uranus
Libra moon, pluto, and asc.

posted November 15, 2006 02:16 PM         

I liked reading it too.
I was going to ask if you were a Gemini,
but Scorpio makes sense as well.
Good for you,
for outgrowing this terminally unavailable fella.

I'm not going to diss on him, though.
He knows not what he does.
But, I agree,
it is not your job to educate him.

Dont be afraid to vent/own the bitterness,
it is healing.

---------------------

'Zala,

"massage his ego" -
I never heard that.
I like it.
You Libras come up with and/or make use of
all the best phrases.
As for the quotes thing, I do that too.
I think it has to do with a preponderance
of water in the chart.
That makes people think in terms of subtleties,
using words like "seems", appears", "somewhat", etc.
Often, unquoted words are just too concrete,
and unsuggestive of the subtlty we mean to convey.
I often use two words,
separated only by a backslash,
rather than one, to convey an unnamed,
but not unborn, meaning
suggested by the marriage of those words.
See: "vent/own" above.
It may also have something to do with
past lives spent in eastern cultures,
where language was pictoral, symbolic,
and highly suggestive.

hsc

posted November 15, 2006 02:20 PM         

Love your writing!! Mwah!!

MM ~

What does the "Word." thing mean, anyway?? I'm so clueless.....

posted November 15, 2006 02:22 PM         

Love!!!

S

posted November 15, 2006 02:23 PM         

i.e. "You said it!"

posted November 15, 2006 02:32 PM         

Zala It loosly means "I agree" and is used to say "I'm with ya, Man!" in the sense that you know where someone is coming from. It's like "Amen" and "yes, I hear you speaking".
I think it's quite appropriate because the truth is the Word (of God). You can say it nodding seriously with reverence, if appropriate, and you can say it like "right on, Man!" or "Isn't THAT the truth!" It depends on the emotion/pronunciation you put behind it.

posted November 15, 2006 04:18 PM         

It brings me joy when you all say you like to read my posts... a little part of my bitter lump of a soul grows angel wings and flies to heaven.... hahahahahha

WORD up, peeps.....

lala.. nice sigature, where didya get that?
(and).. MUAH back atcha.. altho I must admit i had to go to urban dictionary to figure out what that meant...

ah yes.... I understand the dude thing.. however, i have asked him to refrain from using that in reference to me. I am 33. He is 29. The days of "Dude" are over.

sue g...if wasn't such a techno-dolt, I would post his chart here... but hey, i can copy/paste, so here's something..

Planetary positions
planet sign degree motion
Sun Leo 26°27'28 in house 12 direct
Moon Libra 24°20'49 end of house 2 direct
Mercury Virgo 20°21'51 in house 1 direct
Venus Cancer 19°20'58 in house 11 direct
Mars Gemini 22°08'25 in house 10 direct
Jupiter Gemini 29°50'11 end of house 10 direct
Saturn Leo 21°12'09 in house 12 direct
Uranus Scorpio 8°11'26 in house 3 direct
Neptune Sagittarius 13°22'50 in house 4 retrograde
Pluto Libra 12°19'30 in house 2 direct
True Node Libra 16°16'33 in house 2 direct
Planets at the end of a house are interpreted in the next house.

The problem is....we can only guess the time of birth. SUPPOSEDLY, his mother burned his birth certificate when he joined the Air Force. So he guessed his time of birth. I can't see him lying about this, because anything that he could self obsess about- and drag me into it- he adores.

All of his stuff is on the left side of the Midheaven. Wierdness. I have never tried to really analyze his stuff, because I knew enough just living with him.

I guess Sun in the 12th can't be easy.

Nope, no terms of endearment. His idea of physical affection was whacking me on the a$$ while I did dishes...oh yeah, and the random attacks of dry humping. Great stuff...

Massaging his ego was my role in life.. gak.

And yet, I was so sure I loved him... whatever!!

posted November 15, 2006 04:43 PM         

Infuriatingly Diplomatic and Eternally Optimistic Sun
Repressed, Businesslike Moon
Repressed, Businesslike AC
Brilliant and Prudish Mercury