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Author Topic:   Holiday Eating Tips
Azalaksh
Knowflake

Posts: 6485
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Nov 2004

posted December 15, 2006 02:10 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Azalaksh     Edit/Delete Message
HOLIDAY EATING TIPS

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?!?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, glass of wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOOHOO what a ride!"

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virgotaurustaurus
Knowflake

Posts: 2474
From: upstate NY, USA
Registered: Oct 2004

posted December 15, 2006 02:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for virgotaurustaurus     Edit/Delete Message
Mmmm the ol' mashed potato/gravy volcano! My fave

This list sounds like my idea of an xmas buffet

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Sweet Stars
Knowflake

Posts: 1098
From: New York City
Registered: Dec 2006

posted December 15, 2006 02:38 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Sweet Stars     Edit/Delete Message
My holiday eating tip # 1 would be don't you dare eat that animal that has been slaughtered.


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1scorp
Knowflake

Posts: 2251
From:
Registered: Feb 2003

posted December 15, 2006 02:43 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for 1scorp     Edit/Delete Message
8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

I managed to consume a whole pumpkin pie over Thanksgiving weekend ... by myself

_____________________________________
Scorpio sun, venus, mars, mercury, and uranus
Libra moon, pluto, and asc.

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Bluemoon
Knowflake

Posts: 4456
From: Stafford, VA USA
Registered: Feb 2005

posted December 16, 2006 12:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Bluemoon     Edit/Delete Message
lol, funny Zala!

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