posted January 10, 2007 07:46 PM
Old article, but has truth.Changing gender roles might render old ways of dating useless.
Lacey Storer, Kansas State Collegian
When it comes to relationships, many girls love a guy who does romantic things for them. They want a guy who will open the door for them, leave them sweet notes and buy them flowers "just because." A guy who's thoughtful, respectful and downright chivalrous.
"Girls want a guy who does nice things for them, because it makes them feel cared for and loved," Sarah Bloch, junior in secondary education, said. "I think all girls want that, because it shows that they are respected and cared for."
The practice of chivalry began in the Middle Ages, when it was set as a moral code for the knights. Expected to be generous, loyal, courteous and gallant to the ladies, the knights set a standard for gentlemanly behavior that carried into modern times.
But as the role of men and women in relationships has become more equal, chivalry might become a thing of the past.
Tony Jurich, professor of marriage and family therapy, said as women have come to rely on men less over the years, the role of chivalry in relationships has been questioned.
"As we start to get into a more egalitarian society where physical brute strength from men is less needed, it comes into question if chivalry is needed," Jurich said. "Chivalry is not dead, it's just dormant."
Others agree chivalry hasn't died, but say it's now evolved to include women in the equation.
"I don't think it's necessarily dead," Jennifer Weisner, sophomore in business, said. "I think the difference is that now girls are starting to do things back to the guys. It hasn't ended, it's just kind of being altered."
Where men were once seen as the sole protector and provider in a relationship, women have taken a more equal role. While they still appreciate thoughtful gestures, women are willing to return the favor.
This kind of independence could have a negative effect of chivalry. Men who want to be romantic and chivalrous may be intimidated by a woman's independence and afraid of offending them.
Paul Morizzo, senior in marketing, said women wanting to be equal can send a discouraging message about being chivalrous.
"Women are fighting to be equal, so we treat them like equals," Morizzo said. "We treat them like we treat guys — nice, but not overly nice."
Gretchen Ekart, manager of Harry's Uptown, said the ratio of chivalrous to non-chivalrous men she sees in the restaurant is 50-50. She agreed that female independence could play a role in whether or not a guy is chivalrous.
"I think it depends on the guy," Ekart said. "There are some out there who are so worried about offending the lady that they don't do it, and there are some out there who are just romantics at heart."
Worries about scaring off a girl with too much chivalry also might prevent guys from performing such gestures.
"Sometimes it seems like girls are overwhelmed with the stuff," Jeff Curry, junior in marketing, said. "If you do too much, they're like, 'Hey, I don't need all this.'"
Weisner said when it comes to chivalry, there is a fine line between enough and too much.
"I look for a guy that's courteous and chivalrous, but not to the point where I feel I can't reciprocate, or it makes me feel inferior to him."
Independent women or not, some feel chivalry is simply no more.
"I think it died back in the day of the knights," Morizzo said. "I don't think it exists anymore."
Mike Simmons, freshman in open-option, said he agreed, and that chivalry is something rarely seen.
"For guys in general, it's dead," Simmons said. "You don't see guys doing common courtesy things like opening doors for girls — stuff like that."
Some think chivalry is still alive, but to a lesser extent than previous times.
"I think guys still do nice things," Bloch said, "but I think it's on a lower scale than it was before."
Bloch said the decrease in chivalrous men could be attributed to how they were raised and taught to treat women. Simmons agreed, saying that it's not that guys don't want to be chivalrous, they just don't know how.
"They were never taught correctly," Simmons said. "It just died throughout the generations."
Karen Medlin, owner of Westloop Floral, said she think men still have chivalrous intentions and sees this in the men who come into her store.
"I think more guys want to be chivalrous. I think guys still want to be the hero or the protector," Medlin said. "I see a lot more than I used to of just for-no-reason-at-all," Medlin said.
It's these gestures that can reassure a person of her lover's affection and can make a relationship stronger.
"All too often, what I find in relationships is that we don't have the courtesy of treating the other person with care," Jurich said. "We love each other in the grand things and we forget the little things, and sometime those little things are very important."
Lindaland
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posted January 10, 2007 07:46 PM
posted January 11, 2007 12:08 AM
Alright i think i should go sleep because i have no clue wat im saying anymore and ill prolly regret it in the morning lol. Nighty night all
posted January 11, 2007 09:36 AM
posted January 11, 2007 02:52 PM
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kitty one's so cute
