posted February 27, 2007 11:19 AM            

I have 2 kids: a Taurus she's 9 and a Scorpio son who is 7. Opposites that they are they bicker constantly but they so very much love one another...

posted February 27, 2007 07:49 PM            

My 19 year old daughter who lives in the city (Las Vegas) asked me where she could get her yearly female check-up
so I told her to go to Planned Parenthood.

posted February 28, 2007 01:34 PM            

I came in from work and he was talking to me and I am looking at him and saying whats his problem why does he look so strange. And then I yell YOU SHAVED YOUR EYEBROW OFF..He says yeah.. I say WHY!!! he was bored..Ugggghh..

posted February 28, 2007 01:42 PM            

My daughter, when she was five last year, was confronted with her first uncomfortable social/friend situation.. She and a new kid didn't get along at school.
She would tell me all about the things they'd say back and forth, and then one day she said they were friends now.
I was impressed, I asked her what happened.. She said,
"She got over herself."

posted February 28, 2007 02:57 PM            

Speaking of animals.... I sometimes forget that children take what you say at face value...
I said outloud to myself..."Men are idiots! and I've married the KING" this was when I was married to their father...
Well. a couple nights later we went out for Chinese food and they had the Chinese calendar on the table... My daughter was excited and started looking up everybody she could think of... You're a sheep, I'm an Ox... I wonder what daddy is?
Without missing a beat my son said, "An Idiot"....As many as three tables a way just shot me looks that kill...lol

posted February 28, 2007 03:54 PM              

I said, Celeste you shouldn't talk like that and she innocently replied, "She's been up Sandys a** for a long time and she likes it there." I still do not know where she heard this language fun but it was the funniest thing.

Another true silly story..........

My boyfriend was standing in line with his young son at Dicks sporting store a couple Christmas's ago and was waiting in a long line to ask about a particular tennis shoe he saw in the advertisement in the paper.

posted February 28, 2007 05:39 PM            

Last night before bed my daughter brought up a conversation about which "animal species were dangerous species" (she is only four but when I let the television babysit her I do the educational thing). She told me that lions were a dangerous species and we listed some others that were and were not a "dangerous species". She then said, very seriously, that:

"Cheetahs and Pampers are also dangerous species."

posted February 28, 2007 06:17 PM              

You have to understand, my son and I are the same mental age! We have a great time laughing together.

posted February 28, 2007 11:34 PM              

I'd never seen mom laugh so hard in my life...

------------------
Live your life without regret, don't be someone they forget. Your heart is not yours to keep, it's yours to give...

posted March 08, 2007 04:50 PM            

These are all so classic....!!

I've told this before but when my son was 4 he loved the movie "Toy Story".

When asked what he got for his birthday, he put his finger on his chin to think about it and said, "I gotta cake, a buzz and a woody"

posted March 11, 2007 08:41 AM            

Supportive Parenting:

posted March 14, 2007 05:20 AM              

The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is

called "Mate Match". The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are

married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers

"yes", he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions.

The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner (with
phone number) for verification. If their partner answers those same

three questions correctly, they both win the prize.

One particular game, however, several months ago made the Harbour City

drop to its knees with laughter and is possibly the funniest thing

you've heard yet.

Anyway, here's how it all went down:

DJ: "Hey! This is Ed on FOX-FM. Have you ever heard of 'Mate Match'?"

Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."

DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to the Gold Coast

if you win. What is your name? First only please."

Contestant: "Brian."

DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?"

Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, I am married."

DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please."

Brian: "Sara."

DJ: "Is Sara at work, Brian?"

Brian: "She is gonna kill me."

DJ: "Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?"

Brian: (laughing) "Yes, she's at work."

DJ: "Okay, first question - when was the last time you had s ex?"

Brian: "About 8 o'clock this morning."

DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."

Brian: (laughing sheepishly) "Well..."

DJ: "Question #2 - How long did it last?"

Brian: "About 10 minutes."

DJ: "Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said

that if a trip wasn't at stake."

Brian: "Yeah, that trip sure would be nice."

DJ: "Okay. Final question. Where did you have s ex at 8 o'clock this

morning?

Brian: (laughing hard) "I, ummm, I, well..."

DJ: "This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?"

Brian: "Not that it was all that great, but her mum is staying with us

for a couple of weeks..."

DJ: "Uh huh..."

Brian: "...and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time."

DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."

Brian: "On the kitchen table."

DJ: "Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred

times I've done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get his

wife's work number and call her up. You listen to this."

[ 3 minutes of commercials follow. ]

DJ: "Okay audience; let's call Sarah, shall we?" (Touch

tones.....ringing....)

Clerk: "Kinkos."

DJ: "Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?"

Clerk: "This is she."

DJ: "Sarah, this is Ed with FOX-FM. We are live on the air right now

and I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now."

Sarah: (laughing) "A couple of hours?"

DJ: "Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to

give any\answers away or you'll lose. Sooooooo... do you know the

rules of 'Mate Match'?"

Sarah: "No."

DJ: "Good!"

Brian: (laughing)

Sarah: (laughing) "Brian, what the he ll are you up to?"

Brian: (laughing) "Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be

completely honest."

DJ: "Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah.

If your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of you will be

off to the Gold Coast for 5 days on us.

Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."

DJ: "Alright. When did you last have s ex, Sarah?"

Sarah: "Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went to work."

DJ: "What time?"

Sarah: "Around 8 this morning."

DJ: "Very good. Next question. How long did it last?"

Sarah: "12, 15 minutes maybe."

DJ: "Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect

his manhood. We've got one last question, Sarah. You are one question

away from a trip to the Gold Coast. Are you ready?"

Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."

DJ: "Where did you have it?"

Sarah: "OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that did you?"

Brian: "Just tell him, honey."

DJ: "What is bothering you so much, Sarah?"

Sarah: "Well..."

DJ: Come on Sarah.....where did you have it?

Sarah: "Up the arse....."

After a long pause, the DJ said, "Folks, we need to take a station break"

And the drivers almost crashed their cars laughing!

posted March 23, 2007 09:26 AM              

1. I am currently out at a job interview and wil reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

3. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless e-mails you send me until I return from holiday on 4 April. Please be patient and your e-mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

4. Thank you for your e-mail. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

5. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).

6. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 35 2nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

7. I've run away to join a different circus.

AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE:

8. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Margaret' instead of 'Steve.'