Lindaland
  Lindaland Central
  One for Blueroamer

Post New Topic  Post A Reply
profile | register | preferences | faq

UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone! next newest topic | next oldest topic
Author Topic:   One for Blueroamer
Bluemoon
Knowflake

Posts: 4456
From: Stafford, VA USA
Registered: Feb 2005

posted April 05, 2007 05:43 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Bluemoon     Edit/Delete Message
HOW TO POOP AT WORK

We've all been there but don't like to admit it.

We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something
brewing down below.

As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is
inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the
Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.

CROP DUSTING
When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in
your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came
from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has
been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left
your pants.

FLY BY
The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for
other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back
again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become
suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE
A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a
poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of
embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend
it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal,
pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is
uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both
parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK
When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This
is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should
happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the
bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This
reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom.
This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME
Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just
stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if
someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend
that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the
COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often
see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or
magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out
Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)
A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes
off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts
of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS
A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least
expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex.
This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR
Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to
force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable
moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs,
remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will
avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH
A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you
are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert
potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an
ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE
A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you
are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is
occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the
pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON
A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is
also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on,
create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET
A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet
water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an
Astaire.

UNCLE REED
A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended
lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle
Reed makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should
always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as
well as the other bathroom attendees.

IP: Logged

BlueRoamer
Knowflake

Posts: 3944
From: Calm Blue Ocean, Calm Blue Ocean
Registered: Jun 2003

posted April 05, 2007 10:31 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BlueRoamer     Edit/Delete Message
LOL

Thanks BM

IP: Logged

Solane Star
Knowflake

Posts: 5378
From: Ontario, Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted April 05, 2007 11:44 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Solane Star     Edit/Delete Message
WOW!!!

This is one of those moments where your affected for the rest of your life!!!

Scared to POOP at work!!!!

IP: Logged

BlueRoamer
Knowflake

Posts: 3944
From: Calm Blue Ocean, Calm Blue Ocean
Registered: Jun 2003

posted March 28, 2008 04:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BlueRoamer     Edit/Delete Message
lol

IP: Logged

zanya
Knowflake

Posts: 731
From:
Registered: Oct 2007

posted March 28, 2008 06:49 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for zanya     Edit/Delete Message
poop doesn't stimulate me much, i spend a lot of my day interacting with it (until recently cleaning very poopy diapers, these days i still wipe a lot of poop from a 5 yr old's bottom...also pick up very large piles of poop from my big lab mix puppy companion when i walk her everyday.....a decent pooper scooper makes a world of difference.....)

but anyway......i'll add my high five of appreciation to a thread in honor of mr. roamer...he's a man with a plan, and i love the brightness he brings to LL.

IP: Logged

BlueRoamer
Knowflake

Posts: 3944
From: Calm Blue Ocean, Calm Blue Ocean
Registered: Jun 2003

posted March 28, 2008 06:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BlueRoamer     Edit/Delete Message
Thanks uncle zanya

I can see why poop wouldn't be so funny if you feel it's always flying out at you from every direction. I suppose poopy diapers are better than having monkey feces thrown at you, right?

Don't get pooped now!

IP: Logged

zanya
Knowflake

Posts: 731
From:
Registered: Oct 2007

posted March 28, 2008 07:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for zanya     Edit/Delete Message

you're welcome blue man...
(said in my deepest tenor....

IP: Logged

zanya
Knowflake

Posts: 731
From:
Registered: Oct 2007

posted March 28, 2008 07:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for zanya     Edit/Delete Message
oh didn't see the part about monkey feces.

but that's hilarious.

isn't it?

IP: Logged

BlueRoamer
Knowflake

Posts: 3944
From: Calm Blue Ocean, Calm Blue Ocean
Registered: Jun 2003

posted March 28, 2008 07:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BlueRoamer     Edit/Delete Message
Uhhh.....whats that moustache made out of????

It wasn't smeared on were it???

IP: Logged

BlueRoamer
Knowflake

Posts: 3944
From: Calm Blue Ocean, Calm Blue Ocean
Registered: Jun 2003

posted March 28, 2008 07:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BlueRoamer     Edit/Delete Message
Uncle Vanya is a pretty famous play.....that's why I called you Uncle Zanya, not cause I think ur a manya

IP: Logged

zanya
Knowflake

Posts: 731
From:
Registered: Oct 2007

posted March 28, 2008 07:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for zanya     Edit/Delete Message
it was funny though...did you know i'm russian too? haha.

IP: Logged

BlueRoamer
Knowflake

Posts: 3944
From: Calm Blue Ocean, Calm Blue Ocean
Registered: Jun 2003

posted March 28, 2008 07:09 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BlueRoamer     Edit/Delete Message
No i dind't know you are russian uncle zanya......like you live in russia, are from russia, or just your heritage?

IP: Logged

zanya
Knowflake

Posts: 731
From:
Registered: Oct 2007

posted March 28, 2008 07:09 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for zanya     Edit/Delete Message
dunno...just found that pic. i look just like her though.

(about the moustache)

IP: Logged

zanya
Knowflake

Posts: 731
From:
Registered: Oct 2007

posted March 28, 2008 07:11 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for zanya     Edit/Delete Message
as in chekov's stage....lol.

IP: Logged

BlueRoamer
Knowflake

Posts: 3944
From: Calm Blue Ocean, Calm Blue Ocean
Registered: Jun 2003

posted March 28, 2008 07:13 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BlueRoamer     Edit/Delete Message
By russian you meant you're in a hurry?

IP: Logged

zanya
Knowflake

Posts: 731
From:
Registered: Oct 2007

posted March 28, 2008 07:15 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for zanya     Edit/Delete Message
always. and you can call me Anton.

IP: Logged

BlueRoamer
Knowflake

Posts: 3944
From: Calm Blue Ocean, Calm Blue Ocean
Registered: Jun 2003

posted March 29, 2008 12:06 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for BlueRoamer     Edit/Delete Message
Call me Ishmael

IP: Logged

wheelsofcheese
Knowflake

Posts: 208
From: UK
Registered: Jan 2008

posted April 02, 2008 04:53 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for wheelsofcheese     Edit/Delete Message
LMAO BM.

Personally I save up my poop to do it in work. Then I get paid to poop. Brilliant strategy. The joke's on them, suckers.

IP: Logged

fieryscales
Moderator

Posts: 179
From:
Registered: Jan 2008

posted April 02, 2008 03:42 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for fieryscales     Edit/Delete Message
LOL This is Poopalicious...

IP: Logged

BlueRoamer
Knowflake

Posts: 3944
From: Calm Blue Ocean, Calm Blue Ocean
Registered: Jun 2003

posted April 02, 2008 05:11 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BlueRoamer     Edit/Delete Message
LOL Wheels.

That's a really good plan, actually.

Your idea could probably be extended to other functions as well. Why not build that bookshelf you bought at Ikea at work? Or have a quickie in the bathroom with ur sweetie?

IP: Logged

All times are Eastern Standard Time

next newest topic | next oldest topic

Administrative Options: Close Topic | Archive/Move | Delete Topic
Post New Topic  Post A Reply
Hop to:

Contact Us | Linda-Goodman.com

Copyright 2007

Powered by Infopop www.infopop.com © 2000
Ultimate Bulletin Board 5.46a