posted April 18, 2007 04:53 AM         

2. No one has ever complained of a parachute not opening.

3. Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes annual free trip around the Sun.

4. Your future depends on your dreams, So go to sleep.

5. Alcohol kills slowly. So what? Who is in a hurry?

6. Work fascinates me. I can look at it for hours!

7. God made relatives; thank God, we can choose our friends!

8. Can you do anything that other people can't? Sure, I can read my handwriting!

9. Do you know of a man who parked his car in front of a board which said: FINE FOR PARKING ?

10. A drunk was hauled into court. "Mister," the judge began,"you've been brought here for drinking." "Great," the drunk exclaimed,"When do we get started?"

11. Whom are you working for? Same people. My wife and four kids.

12. I heard you have a cat that can say her own name.Yes, Meow.

13. Divorce has become so common that my wife and I are staying married just to be different.

14. When a wife was asked,"What book do you like best?" she answers:"My husband's cheque book."

15. Girlfriend:"And are you sure you love me and noone else?" Boyfriend: "Dead sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday."

16. Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?
Customer: What other colours do you have?

17. My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
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SOME REALLY COOL GREETING CARDS!!

1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now that you've come into my life...
(Inside card) - I've changed my mind.

2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life...
(Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you.

3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am....
(Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me .

4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go....
(Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again.

5. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age....
(Inside card) - Almost lifelike!

6. When we were together, you said you'd die for me...
(Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.

7. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy....
(Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?

8. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship a nd there was only one life jacket...
(Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often .

9. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday...
(Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep.

10. Looking back over the years that we have been together, I can't help but wonder.....
(Inside card) - What the hell was I thinking

11. I'm so miserable without you...
(Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.

12. Thank you for being part of my life.....
(Inside card) - I never knew what evil was until I met you!

13. Congratulations on your wedding day!...
(Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband.

14. How can I say this....
(Inside card) - Your cooking kills me

15. Hooray.....
(Inside card) - You're divorced.

16. I just want you to know that I'm sorry for what happened...
(Inside card) - Especially since you survived.

1 7. Congrats on getting married...
(Inside card) - It's not everyday you decide to ruin your life.

18. Someday I hope to marry...
(inside card) - Someone other than you.

19. We have been friends for a very long time...
(inside card) - What do you say we stop?