posted September 03, 2007 04:25 PM         

• "An eye for an eye will leave us all blind."
  -Gandhi

• "24-Hour Banking? I don't have time for that."
  -Steven Wright

• 
  "The best mind altering drug is the truth"-Lily Tomlin
• 
  It's not the people who vote that counts. It's the people who count votes. -- Stalin
• 
  "Dreams are the eraser dust I blow off my page. They fade into the emptiness, another dark gray day. Dreams are memories of the plans I had back then. Dreams are eraser dust and now I use a pen."
  -Edgar Allen Poe

• 
  “I shall not commit the fashionable stupidity of regarding everything I cannot explain as a fraud.”
  C. G. Jung

• 
  A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the man who lives in it. A psychiatrist is the man who collects the rent.
  -Jerome Lawrence
• 
  Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it." - Buddha

People say "Iraq had the fourth largest army in the world". Yeah, maybe, but you know what, after the first 3 largest armies, there's a REAL big f****ing drop-off. The Hare Krishna’s are the 5th largest army in the world, and they've already got all our airports.
People are bringing shotguns to UFO sightings in Fife, Alabama. I asked a guy, "Why do you bring a gun to a UFO sighting?" Guy said, "Way-ul, we didn' wanna be ab-duc-ted." If I lived in Fife, Alabama, I would be on my hands and knees every night praying for abduction.
• 
  You ever noticed how people who believe in Creationism look really unevolved? You ever noticed that? Eyes real close together, eyebrow ridges, big furry hands and feet. "I believe God created me in one day" Yeah, looks liked He rushed it.

The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started?”
• Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.”
• “I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.”
• “My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.”
• I'm famous for my bottom dances, but you'll only see my bum and willy if you raise a million pounds within an hour.”

• Living in a war-driven economy, we men are taught to distance ourselves from our emotions, to control them. Emotional men don’t make good soldiers. It’s difficult to suppress a supposed enemy if you’re armed with an M16 and empathy.
• "If I'd been ranting and raving for years, you wouldn't be listening to me right now."

posted September 03, 2007 09:21 PM         

There are some good ones in here, thank you Node!

posted September 03, 2007 11:03 PM         

"All men dream but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity; but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes to make it possible."

-T.E. Lawrence

"Those who are easily offended should be. And often."

-G. Barnett

"There's a statistical theory that if you gave a million monkeys typewriters and set them to work, they'd eventually come up with the complete works of Shakespeare. Thanks to the Internet, we now know this isn't true."

-Ian Hart

"A hundred thousand lemmings can't be wrong." - Anonymous

"I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

posted September 05, 2007 10:24 AM         

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

and on that more:

posted September 05, 2007 11:02 AM         

Bill Hicks:

"People are bringing shotguns to UFO sightings in Fife, Alabama. I asked a guy, "Why do you bring a gun to a UFO sighting?" Guy said, "Way-ul, we didn' wanna be ab-duc-ted." If I lived in Fife, Alabama, I would be on my hands and knees every night praying for abduction."

"There's a statistical theory that if you gave a million monkeys typewriters and set them to work, they'd eventually come up with the complete works of Shakespeare. Thanks to the Internet, we now know this isn't true."

-Ian Hart

posted September 27, 2007 02:56 PM         

quote:

---

"All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand."
Anonymous.

---

posted September 28, 2007 11:49 AM         

10) "Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream." —LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000 )

9) "I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family." —Greater Nashua, N.H., Jan. 27, 2000)

8) "I hear there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft." —second presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004 )

7) "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." —Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000 )

6) "You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that." —to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb.

4, 2005 )

5) "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." —Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004 )

4) "They misunderestimated me." —Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000

3) "Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?" —Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000

2) "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." —Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004

1) "There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." —Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002

The Who WGFA

posted September 28, 2007 12:02 PM         

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

- More quotations on: [Curiosity]
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, 'Do I know you?'

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

What's another word for Thesaurus?

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes