posted October 10, 2007 09:46 AM         

The worst thing about this is the fact that I can't stop comparing myself to other people. Everywhere I look around I always see people better, prettier, smarter, cooler than me, and this becomes a great cause for my never-ending insecurity. I keep on thinking "why do I have such an unfortunate life, why can't I be more like her? " etc. And due to this jealousy, I start resenting people quite close to me, play ego-games, and then lose some very good friends. I don't know why I can't just revel in the beauty or the greatness of another person, I just get jealous instead. I really don't like being jealous of my best-friend.

So is there any way to stop being jealous? I don't really know why I'm jealous but I know I hate this possesive and jealous streak I have, not only because its a nuisance to me, but because its proving to be damaging to my relationships as well.

So any advice, thoughts, comments, anything???

posted October 11, 2007 10:28 PM         

Good to see you around here again!!
The first step in any 12-step type program is admitting that you have a problem.
Now that you've acknowledged the green-eyed elephant sitting in your living room, you can go about finding strategies to get rid of it.

What is jealousy? I'm not a psychologist, but for me jealousy is rooted in two things: fear of loss, and low self-esteem.

Perhaps you can ponder the first one, but as for the second – low self-esteem – many young people struggle with this, and I can certainly speak from personal experience. Growing up feeling like you're never "good enough" in some way or other (smart, thin, pretty, skilled) is common. Maturity sometimes works the kinks out of one's feelings of low self-esteem. Sometimes other people help -- the angels that masquerade as our good friends who always support us and try to build us up and show us how wonderful we are (when we never noticed). Having a skill -- something you do really well -- helps banish the Low-Self-Esteem Blues. If you are a fabulous piano player, then why be humble?? You can do something that very few other people can – be Proud!!

I used to wonder why "those other people" always looked so much prettier than I, with their perfect hair and makeup and beautiful clothes..... but it was much later that I found out, hey Person A has cataracts, Person B has terrible teeth and spends a fortune at the dentist and will probably wear a bridge soon, Person C is very unhappily married and tries to hide it, Person D has two family members with cancer, Person E just lost her sister in a freak accident at home, Person F has HIV. Guess my life isn't so terrible and unfortunate after all. I will take my problems and shortcomings and faults, and I will work on them until I’m the best me I can be!! I still have two strong legs, and even wings to fly (thanks DA).

cappy, your best friend is thin because that’s what she’s genetically programmed to be – it wasn’t something she worked on for years until she perfected it, is it?? As for her being so much more popular than you – well, is that a major goal of yours – to be the most “popular” person around?? “Popular” isn’t going to be much of an asset when you’re out working full time in a career in a few years, or married to a wonderful guy

Self-improvement is key here – keep working at the things you do well, and you will become known for those. We all have virtues and faults, strengths and weaknesses. NO ONE here is Perfect – not even the Dalai Lama or Mother Teresa. And it’s OK to be just who you are!! But – who ARE you?? That is the adventure you are embarking on now – in comparing yourself to others, you get insight into what/who you are. But in that comparison, try not to find yourself lacking. You are unique and special!! Is that green-eyed elephant shrinking now??

posted October 12, 2007 12:27 AM         

here's my take for whatever it may be worth, LoL!
[take what you can use and discard the rest]
It is free advice afterall and worth every penny of it!

I have never had issues with jealousy, ever -not even as a very small child.
My secret: I had a true death experience as a small child that helped me clearly recognize that I am a spirit in a physical experience. The body and it's physical desires are really not who we are. As a spirit I know that I am energy matter connected to every other energy matter out there. Why would I feel envious of my friend, relative, neighbor or even enemy? Each is clearly a part of me. VERY IMPORTANT: each is me, I am them. One does not feel jealous of thier left foot because it is more shapley than the right. One does not feel jealous when they witness a friend receive an award for they themselves also receive the award and this is a time for celebration. When a girl dates the boy you are interested in you should feel happy for her as it is a exciting moment for her [also you] Share in the happiness! -Does this make sense?
This realization does not work for everyone, but it's worth a try!

For those that find the above concept to strange to grasp I offer this, #1 way to beat jealousy!
Always remember loud and clear: [Thought becomes matter]
Whatever energies or thoughts you put out there, actually materialize!

Examples:
Jealousy pattern: Judy is so much prettier than I she will surely turn the head of the guy I'm interested in... Turns into "Cute guy notices Judy's beauty rather than yours"
Alternative thought pattern: Judy is nice, she'll be fun to doubledate with when that cute guy finally recognizes me...Turns into "Cute guy recognizes me when Judy introduces us"

Jealousy pattern: John always gets new clothes, my clothes look shabby...Turns into "You stop caring about the way your clothes fit and the way they are cared for, thus you look shabby"
Alternative thought pattern: John cares about his appearance and takes nice care of his clothes so his parents show appreciation by purchasing even finer clothing for him, he's smart ...Turns into "I strive to take better care of my own appearance and value my own assets, I am rewarded with more assets"

Jealousy pattern: My friend Mary is so popular no one even notices me...Turns into "Mary's popularity grows and even Mary stops noticing me, she no longer has time for me"
Alternative thought pattern: My friend Mary is fun to be around, other people notice it too, I'm lucky to have a friend like her...Turns into "Other people notice I value my friendships and find I'm pretty cool and fun to be around too! Mary made a good choice in friends"
TEST IT OUT -The results will be amazing!

Alternative idea...
How about hypnosis? CD's and classes as low as $14.95

And some... Jealousy Quotes To Ponder:

Never waste jealousy on a real man: it is the imaginary man that supplants us all in the long run. ~George Bernard Shaw

In jealousy there is more self-love than love. ~François, Duc de La Rochefoucauld, Maxims, 1665

Envy is a waste of time. ~Author Unknown

The envious die not once, but as oft as the envied win applause. ~Baltasar Gracian

It is not love that is blind, but jealousy. ~Lawrence Durrell, Justine, 1957

If malice or envy were tangible and had a shape, it would be the shape of a boomerang. ~Charley Reese

He that is not jealous is not in love. ~St. Augustine

The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves. ~William Penn, Some Fruits of Solitude, 1693

Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope. ~Josh Billings

Envy is the art of counting the other fellow's blessings instead of your own. ~Harold Coffin

Jealousy is no more than feeling alone against smiling enemies. ~Elizabeth Bowen

Envy is thin because it bites but never eats. ~Spanish Proverb

I've spent most of my life walking under that hovering cloud, jealousy, whose acid raindrops blurred my vision and burned holes in my heart. ~Astrid Alauda

Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others. ~Ambrose Bierce

Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them. ~Jennifer James

Jealousy in romance is like salt in food. A little can enhance the savor, but too much can spoil the pleasure and, under certain circumstances, can be life-threatening. ~Maya Angelou

Jealousy is the great exaggerator. ~Johann Christoph Friedrich von Schiller, The Conspiracy of Fiesco, 1783

Jealousy and love are sisters. ~Russian Proverb

As iron is eaten by rust, so are the envious consumed by envy. ~Antisthenes

Jealousy is an awkward homage which inferiority renders to merit. ~Mme. de Puixieux

Jealousy is the dragon in paradise; the hell of heaven; and the most bitter of the emotions because associated with the sweetest. ~A.R. Orage

Anger and jealousy can no more bear to lose sight of their objects than love. ~George Eliot

The ear of jealousy heareth all things. ~The Bible (Apocrypha), Wisdom of Solomon 1:10

Jealousy is a crutch. ~C. Astrid Weber

Jealousy injures us with the dagger of self-doubt. ~Leslie Grimutter

Our envy always lasts longer than the happiness of those we envy. ~François Duc de La Rochefoucauld

Envy is ignorance. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Envy is the most stupid of vices, for there is no single advantage to be gained from it. ~Honore de Balzac

O jealousy! thou magnifier of trifles. ~Johann Christoph Friedrich von Schiller

Never love unless you can
Bear with all the faults of man:
Men will sometimes jealous be,
Though but little cause they see.
~Thomas Campion, "Never Love"

Every other sin hath some pleasure annexed to it, or will admit of an excuse: envy alone wants both. ~Robert Burton, The Anatomy of Melancholy

Trifles light as air
Are to the jealous confirmations strong
As proofs of holy writ.
~William Shakespeare, Othello

The jealous bring down the curse they fear upon their own heads. ~Dorothy Dix

Pity is for the living, envy is for the dead. ~Mark Twain

Jealousy is always born with love, but does not always die with it. ~François Duc de La Rochefoucauld, Maxims

Whoever envies another confesses his superiority. ~Samuel Johnson, The Rambler

It is in the character of very few men to honor without envy a friend who has prospered. ~Aeschylus

O! beware, my lord, of jealousy;
It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock
The meat it feeds on.
~William Shakespeare, Othello

Envy is a symptom of lack of appreciation of our own uniqueness and self worth. Each of us has something to give that no one else has. ~Elizabeth O'Connor

Envy assails the noblest: the winds howl around the highest peaks. ~Ovid

A show of envy is an insult to oneself. ~Yevgeny Alexandrovich Yevtushenko

Envy is a littleness of soul, which cannot see beyond a certain point, and if it does not occupy the whole space feels itself excluded. ~William Hazlitt, Characteristics, 1823

Jealousy would be far less torturous if we understood that love is a passion entirely unrelated to our merits. ~Paul Eldridge

The truest mark of being born with great qualities is being born without envy. ~Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld

Jealousy, that dragon which slays love under the pretense of keeping it alive. ~Havelock Ellis, On Life and Sex: Essays of Love and Virtue, 1937

Jealousy... is a mental cancer. ~B.C. Forbes

If envy were a fever, all the world would be ill. ~Danish Proverb

Envy slays itself by its own arrows. ~Author Unknown

And oft, my jealousy shapes faults that are not. ~William Shakespeare

I hope that at least portions of this are beneficial for you. I wish you much luck on the adventures ahead!

posted October 12, 2007 04:00 AM         

jealousy as an emotiona is quite natural and if kept in check can be quite good for your health

but the way you are xperincing it might be bad .
how to deal with it ?
find good things about youself , forexample -i believe you are quite a humble peson otherwise you wouldn't have admitted this problem .

second , start loving youself , pamper yourself and always remember , you have your own place in this world which no one can take .

also accept that there might be certain qualities that your friend might have and which you dont possess .
accept this fact , denying it wouldn't help .
i'll give an example , i am not socially charming as my libra frineds - though i might be more true to people but then people want more of them than of me thats the flip side , the positive is - i can manage a lot more difficult relation with my straightforwardness .

always remember , you will always find people for what you are , there are people , believe me .
dont we love you ? may be we like you for your humbleness .

god never plays games , if He has given certain good attributes to your friends , He must have given you too , its for you to search .
why this search ?
that is to give a meaning to life or rather time pass ( after all , the world is a stage ,we come and play our parts )
thsi search actually makes life a bit interesting - spicy , wouldn't it be bland without it ?
so fall in love with yourself (and if you have any time left ,fall in love with me )

posted October 12, 2007 04:06 AM         

Jealousy and resentment are like me drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. Duh.

Say "I like myself" all day long. See how many ways you can think of to say it.

I like myself.
I like myself whole bunches.
I really like myself.
I like my special qualities. (Name each one.)
I like myself the way I am right now.

Make a list. And when you run out of ideas, start over at the beginning. Everytime you catch yourself comparing yourself or criticizing yourself, pull out the list and begin again.

What we focus on expands.

Where attention goes energy flows.

Thoughts held in mind produce after their kind.

Get yourself a copy of the DVD "On A Clear Day You Can See Forever."

Let me remind you, this is not advice. These are simply tools that have helped ME. Maybe as you browse through these posts, something will light you up! Have fun!