posted October 22, 2007 01:40 PM         

In the event that this fantastic voyage
Should turn to erosion and we never get old
Remember it's true, dignity is valuable
But our lives are valuable too

We're learning to live with somebody's depression
And I don't want to live with somebody's depression
We'll get by, I suppose
It's a very modern world, but nobody's perfect
It's a moving world, but that's no reason
Shoot some of those missiles
Think of us as fatherless scum
It won't be forgotten
'Cause we'll never say anything nice again, will we?

And the wrong words make you listen
In this criminal world
Remember it's true, loyalty is valuable
But our lives are valuable too

posted October 22, 2007 11:40 PM         

I don't like being in large crowds for that reason. Though I do like a baseball game. There is quiet times between the erupted chaos.

Maybe that is due to my Pisces moon.

posted October 23, 2007 04:29 AM         

These days, I could be in a room full of people and they wouldn't affect me because I don't pay attention to their energy – if it bothers me.

They could literally scream, shout, walk around in circles, talk loudly, do hand stands.. It would go in one ear and out the other. I only concentrate on the people I like, in social situations.

I think in some ways it's a matter of learning to say "no", both verbally and on a vibe level. People who feel very worn out by social situations, are usually too open to other people's 'stuff' both negative and positive. They don't have well set out boundaries and don't usually say "no" to others.. This is the way I was as a teenager. I was VERY nice to everyone and too receptive to everyone's crap. I was afraid of being myself because I thought it might hurt someone, if I was honest.. so I was almost never honest. My Piscean Mercury was sugaring everything up like you wouldn't believe.

Lol I've changed so much.. I'm like a female version of Dr. House now.. It feels very good actually. I feel free in social situations, because - in short - I just don't give a crap.. and I'm a lot more honest, as well.

Btw..

quote:

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Do you think people talk to much about themselves and its really annoying?

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I do still think these people are pretty dumb.. But like I said, I don't pay attention. In the past, I would've listened. Now I'd literally walk away and let them talk to the wall lol

quote:

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Do you find them to be fake and phony for the most part, and do you prefer the solace of social isolation?

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I don't talk to the ones I find fake. I still prefer social isolation sometimes - depends what mood I'm in.. but I don't mind being in social situations because I bring myself to a state where I feel exactly as good as I do when I'm alone. Like I said, I ignore those people I see as fake.. and concentrate on my friends/the people I like.

posted October 23, 2007 10:39 AM         

quote:

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But like I said, I don't pay attention. In the past, I would've listened. Now I'd literally walk away and let them talk to the wall lol...Coral Frequency

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Good solution especially since those types of people never seem to get a hint.

There are some people that I am more patient with though. I have a neighbor who's husband died a few years ago and she is older than me and lives alone. I realize that she is a talker because she is lonely. She always comes out of her house to tallk to me when I am trying to do yard work. But even if I am busy and get behind in things I want to accomplish I spend time talking to her because I also have grown fond of her over the years she has lived here. She hugs me all the time too.

Like I said before, I don't really judge extroverted people as being shallow or not too bright because I have known too many extroverts in my life to know that isn't always the case. Some people just like being around other people more and they can also be very deep thinkers and highly intelligent. Some hermit types just plain don't like other people at all and yet they are very shallow and narrow minded thinkers. Appearances are most times very deceptive.

There are mystics and saints who lived very outgoing lives and there are mystics and saints who were hermits by nature. St. Jerome just plain did not like other people or get along with them due to his temperment. So he retired from society to translate Scripture. He liked being alone.

But with God we are never alone.

posted October 23, 2007 01:56 PM         

quote:

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Now I'd literally walk away and let them talk to the wall lol

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posted October 26, 2007 03:44 PM         

It's stuff like that that bothers me.

posted October 26, 2007 07:08 PM         

But, in a group, I usually just give up too.

Like, my best friend (don't tell her I said that), a Capricorn with Virgo Moon... she is very out-spoken, dominant, and extroverted. All my friends are extroverts (Just think Tara Reid). She is always going on about little things as if they are crises, but I don't mind because when I have something to say, it will be heard.

posted October 27, 2007 04:45 AM         

That would be just wonderful.

Someone who just catches your drift....who understands what you're really going on about, without having to go to great pains to explain...

posted October 27, 2007 06:05 AM         

Tell me, if you don't mind, what's going on, sweetheart?

Are you longing for someone who you have already met, or is it an abstract person that you're dreaming of?

I don't know if I am reading the tone incorrectly, but I am feeling a deep sadness from you. And, you fancy a wee blether about it, even though you won't admit, right?

So, tell me more about this person... (well, you know where to find me, if you're not comfortable talking on the board.)

posted October 27, 2007 07:11 AM         

Basically, I didn't have a happy childhood, especially with problems at school, etc. Was agoraphobic for a while, in my teens because of bullying and didn't go out for a long time. I wasn't happy at home either- have a very difficult relationship with my mother who...shall we just say....can be a very difficult person......

I left home at age 17 with no qualifications and got a job as a live-in receptionist, but this was unsuitable for me. In time, I managed to get a flat with the help of a friend I'd met as a goth (I was a goth for a while) ;
She couldn't be there all the time as she had to stay at college in another town. But she was there at one point during the holidays. We were both able to share our sadness as we had both been through similar things for different reasons.
Anyway, eventually we went off with boyfriends. I was lucky to meet someone who was very caring towards me; however this was not meant to last....and I was the one who decided it just didn't feel right anymore....

I got together with the father of my two boys, even though I knew he never wanted to have a "normal" relationship where he would settle down with anybody. I didn't plan to have children (I wanted a child but not consciously in those circumstances)....I guess it was careless of us both really.....but I went along with the pregnancy (the second one was a real shock, but I can't blame anyone else for that).

We tried living together at one point, but it just didn't work out. I stayed a lot between his house and my mothers (where the plan was I was staying temporarily while I looked for somewhere else after moving out of the animal rights activist's house)........
So basically I didn't have a permanent address, or a way to meet people.

I only got this address, this place of my own I have been renting since November last year.

Since then, I've been confused about whether or not to keep seeing him. But the more I find myself, the more I realize we just aren't suited. So breaking up with him has only been a recent thing. He has been my entire support network. He told me I couldn't expect him to carry on giving me lifts, etc to my course and such- so I had to give up the reflexology (which I'd just started)- I was feeling so low it was incredibly difficult to focus anyway. But him saying he wouldn't give me a lift made it impossible for me to continue as taxis are too expensive (and there aren't any buses there).

I just find it difficult to truly "fit in" anywhere.

I yearn for a sense of belonging.

However, I finally made an appointment through the doctor to see a counselor, yesterday, and just by doing this, I am actually feeling more positive/ hopeful already. He might be able to refer me to some support groups too.

I have a lot of issues and baggage which affect me from the past and act as obstacles, preventing me from moving on...because I feel I just don't have the social skills, etc required. I don't have the knowledge to fix myself, though I have really tried for so long.

I got my karmic astrology reading through the other day. It was incredibly insightful as far as the largest part of it, the astrology part. I was amazed.

The past life bit was a much smaller part of it, interesting but I'll keep an open mind.

Anyway. It has just got me thinking.
If in most of my previous lives I was blessed to always have a lot of people around me and a sense of belonging.......
Perhaps then the purpose of this one is to learn to be myself, no matter what. To find my inner strength without relying on other people.

I feel I have done this.
However, I have also learned than "no man is an island". We are all social creatures to some extent, by nature. I actually love both company and solitude, but not one without the other!

I know, somehow, that as well as being a mum, I also need to find an outlet for my creativity or a purpose in the world as a whole.....I feel, so powerfully, that there is some sort of work for me to do, to fulfill....it's just a case of finding out what it is. That's the difficult part.
But I'm on my way.

Perhaps......we (all souls)........who come, to incarnate upon this Earth.......
are all sacrificial lambs, in a sense

posted October 27, 2007 07:26 AM         

How many people here, out of interest have Capricorn rising, as I do?

posted October 27, 2007 08:54 AM         

Now I understand it better when you said:

quote:

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I know it's only an illusion that we're separate..... still I have to live in the illusion for now

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LTT,
Use your dreams, not as a reminder of what you do not possess, but as an indicator of what you shall possess. Solitude, loneliness and separation are all dependent on how we view the world. There are some people who are surrounded by people but still feel lonely. These people are not only around us but they understand us in just the way that we desire to be understood. But because pain shuts down our receptive mind, increasing our reactive selves, we lose sight of the truth and go into panic mode where "self-preservation" makes you so guarded that it becomes a war of "it's me against the world".

You got betrayed/hurt. You became afraid of it happening again. You built up a wall, and you sit there, waiting to shoot ant trespassers.

No matter how much understanding a person gives you, the probability of you feeling understood is slim if you don't know yourself quite yet.

Now, from what you said in your mail, I have a feeling that you ask yourself "WHY" all the time. Basically, you are asking questions about the world, so that you can understand more.

You desire to know why people do the cruel things they do and you desire to know the truth. You desire to find the secrets of this world, because you are a secret to yourself (or people have been secretive towards you).

So, surender. Easier said than done, I know.

To the "twin soul" subject...

*IMO*

Do you know that each and every human being on this planet is your twin-soul/soul-mate?

Now, you might be thinking that I am talking rubbish, because if that were so, why is he/she not there to fill the void, right?

Well, your sense of isolation is not because of your twin-soul being MIA. It is all about your inability to see him/her. Our twin souls are there for the taking if you desire one, but at this level, a few humans have the ability to see each and every human as a soul. And the cliche is true, you have to start with yourself...

Ask yourself, this:

*Who do I desire t be?

Then ask yourself whether you are 'being' that which you desire to be. If you are not; then ask "why not".

There should be some sort of behaviour and/or thought that is taking you further away from where/who you are. Once you have pin-pointed these poisonous behaviours and thoughts, you would have done 70% of the work that needs to be done in order to get rid of these things.

Then, day by day, fight diligently against these demons that keep you away from where you desire to be by not entertaining them, but by entertaining your dreams instead.

The reason I quoted your statement above is because I wanted to show you that you do know the theory. Now it is time to put what you know in practice. If you didn't know so much, you wouldn't be conflicted, but knowledge comes with responsibility, the responsibility for us to turn knowledge into wisdom. To do that, we need to practice what we know.

Imagine that you are like a person who is carrying bags of things you no longer need. You are climbing a mountain, and the higher the mountain becomes, the steeper it gets. Now as you travel up the mountain, you accrue rubbish, but instead of putting it in the bins, you keep it with you. This makes your journey more difficult, and heavier, right?

Let the baggage go, not because it is rubbish, but because you need your resources to concentrate on climbing towards love. You do not need anything, especially tha baggage to reach where you desire to go, so get rid of it.

posted October 27, 2007 09:21 AM         

Much wisdom in your words and very sound advice.

Knowing yourself, liking yourself, accepting yourself as you are now, but still striving to be a better person is what I feel is the most important root to all spirituality.

It reminds me of the saying that we can't be right for others until we are right for ourselves.

It goes back to all that has been said about not being able to truly love and accept others as they are until we first love and accept ourselves as we are.

If you think about it, how can we truly love and accept others if we can't first do that for ourselves?

It took a lot of years but I finally came to that point and boy, it sure feels good.

My wish and prayer is that it takes all of you younger ones a lot less time to get to that point of liking and accepting yourselves just as you are than it did me.

*edited to add*