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Author
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Topic: Zen Truths
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Heart--Shaped Cross
Knowflake Posts: 7178
From: 11/6/78 11:38am Boston, MA
Registered: Aug 2004
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posted December 16, 2007 03:06 PM
 
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
3. Its always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17.. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
21.. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.IP: Logged |
heart cakes
Knowflake Posts: 1001
From: canada
Registered: Sep 2007
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posted December 16, 2007 03:17 PM
 oh my word. thank you!IP: Logged |
EighthMoon
Knowflake Posts: 690
From:
Registered: May 2007
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posted December 16, 2007 03:42 PM
Loved these,  S  !A few deep thoughts by Jack Handy to go with your Zen meditations...  Here's a good trick: Get a job as a judge at the Olympics. Then, if some guy sets a world record, pretend that you didn't see it and go, "Okay, is everybody ready to start now?”
~Jack Handy To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, “Hey, can you give me a hand?” You can say, “Sorry, got these sacks.”
~Jack Handy If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while you're in there some guys come and seal up both ends and then put it on a truck and take it to another city, boy, I don't know what to tell you.
~Jack Handy  8th IP: Logged |
Heart--Shaped Cross
Knowflake Posts: 7178
From: 11/6/78 11:38am Boston, MA
Registered: Aug 2004
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posted December 16, 2007 04:28 PM
quote:
To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, “Hey, can you give me a hand?” You can say, “Sorry, got these sacks.”
~Jack Handy
IP: Logged |
26taurus
Knowflake Posts: 13411
From: *
Registered: Jun 2004
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posted December 16, 2007 08:15 PM
These are great.My favorite is the first one. And thanks for the Jack Handy, 8th. Those were hilarious. IP: Logged |
venusdeindia
Knowflake Posts: 836
From: mumbai,india
Registered: Nov 2006
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posted December 17, 2007 07:09 AM
IP: Logged | |
Lindaland
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