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Author Topic:   Holiday Eating Tips
Mirandee
Knowflake

Posts: 4812
From: South of the Thumb - Taurus, Pisces, Cancer
Registered: Sep 2004

posted December 22, 2007 01:26 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Mirandee     Edit/Delete Message
Just so you know how to conduct yourself through all the holiday parties and get togethers.

Throughout the years I have perfected this technique to an art form. The motto at the end is one I live by.

Holiday Eating Tips

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday
buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see
carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum
balls.


2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine
single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt
scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up!

Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as
if you're going to turn into an "eggnog-aholic" or something. It's a
treat. Enjoy it!!!! Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you
think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole
point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano
out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano.
Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with
skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like
buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort
to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is
to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now
and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to
do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the
buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of
eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet
table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa,
position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can
before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair
of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them
again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of
each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin.
Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert?
Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with
the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean
really, have some standards.


10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave
the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention.
Reread tips: start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the
intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body,
but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the
other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO- HOO
what a ride!"

~Happy Holidays~

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yourfriendinspirit
Moderator

Posts: 2528
From: California, USA
Registered: Oct 2006

posted December 22, 2007 06:49 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for yourfriendinspirit     Edit/Delete Message



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Node
Knowflake

Posts: 1162
From: Crowded House
Registered: Nov 2005

posted December 22, 2007 09:08 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Node     Edit/Delete Message
. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday
buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see
carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum
balls.
MMMMMMMM Rum Balls! Have not stuffed myself silly with those in way too long.

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Nephthys
Moderator

Posts: 3800
From: California
Registered: Oct 2001

posted December 22, 2007 11:20 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Nephthys     Edit/Delete Message
Oh, I have one.

Eat Cookies. Eat Lots of Cookies.

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