posted February 10, 2008 04:35 PM         

Learn How to Accept a Compliment Graciously

Do you know to accept a compliment graciously? Can your teens take a compliment? Small children do it with ease, but somewhere along the line, that ease is lost. It can take a long time to relearn the art of simply saying "Thank you" without fumbling or feeling foolish. Learning how to accept a compliment can be difficult, but it is not impossible.

As adults, we are so often critical of ourselves that we are thrown off-balance when someone gives us a compliment. Life should not be about perfection, it should be about doing the best you can be at any given moment. And when someone recognizes that in you, accept it graciously.

How many times has someone given you a compliment and instead of just taking it and saying 'thank you' the way you did as a child, you instead say "well, I could have done better." Or "oh really?, I only wore this because I had nothing else to wear."; "I'm not really smart, I just got lucky!" You get the picture. The worst response may be, "Oh it was easy, anyone could have done it." This kind of negative response makes you appear to be less than you really are and puts the person who gave you the compliment in the position of defending his assessment of you or questioning his own judgment.

Someone says to you "your hair looks great!" Your response is "I hate my hair like this, it looks like I cut it wearing a bowl." This says to the other person, You have no taste, or if you do it's incredibly bad. Now both of you are embarrassed because you can't take a compliment.

Learning to accept compliments is not easy, especially for many women. Girls are often taught to be modest, which seems to mean not accepting that you are smart, pretty or that your expertise is on target when it comes to "birding in the Galapagos " or whatever subject you know well. On the flip side men seem to thrive on conpliments.

Can you say "Thank you?"

Of course you can. But do you? When your boss tells you that you did a great job handling the Brown report do you say thank you or do you say "oh all I did was...". or "I didn't that have to do much." Never, ever ignore or down-play what you have done to help complete a project or make it a success, no matter how little it seems to you. If your boss considers it an achievement then you should too. Modesty or false modesty is seldom appreciated. While your boss may laugh and say "and he/she is modest too." he may also be rethinking that next step up for you. Remember what you can do in a couple of hours may take someone else a day or two, so accept the kudos, you deserve them. It may get you a raise and a real office instead of a cubicle. The chances are that if it's decided that you are too modest, i.e not aggressive enough, someone else will get the promotion and you will still be stuck with the work anyway.

Take a Hint from Children

Have you ever noticed a very young child when he or she gets a compliment? They not only say 'thank you' they also tell what else they can do. There is a lesson to be learned there.

posted February 10, 2008 04:41 PM         

Never underestimate the value of a compliment.

A compliment, given sincerely and publicly, shows regard and esteem for the recipient. It builds goodwill, appreciation, and frequently a willingness to go the extra mile. You will be seen as someone who cares about other people and their accomplishments, and not just your own. Humor can be helpful in delivering a compliment, but should never be used at the risk of lessening sincerity.

A compliment given in a backhanded manner, or followed up with criticism, will be treated for what it is – a blatant attempt at manipulation, a simple put down, or the proverbial “brown-nosing.”

If you’re the team leader, be the first to compliment members of your team. Not just on meeting big goals, but on all the stepping-stones along the way. A sincere, “Great job on that report, I appreciate that you went the extra mile,” or “You do such good work that I wish I could clone you,” will keep people going when the times get tough.

Even if you’re not the team leader, you can improve your working situation by complimenting your co-workers and associates. When co-workers know that you care and appreciate their contributions, a synergy can result making the sum of the efforts greater than the individual efforts themselves. Try: “You made my job so much easier by getting that report to me early, and I want you to know that I appreciate it,” or a simple “I enjoy working with you, you make it fun.”

Too many people are out of practice at giving compliments. Set a goal for yourself this week to compliment at least two people. As you get more comfortable with it, make sure that you compliment at least one person a day.

Keep working at it – your success may be just a compliment away.