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Author Topic:   wondering
celticfyre
Knowflake

Posts: 578
From: VA,USA
Registered: Aug 2005

posted March 30, 2008 10:23 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for celticfyre     Edit/Delete Message
I have been away for a bit and have chcecked in from time to time. I need a bit of advice on a problem without too much detail I have been trying to figure out how I can get past dealing with a VERY difficult person , a button pusher that makes me more mad at myself for letting her get to me. I was wondering if I wrote down on paper every thing that I would say to her in the words that I really want to say to her but can't because of how it would make me look in the eys of others (because that is happening now to some degree and I look like the crazy one not her)and all the other socially acceptable norms etc. If I put it down on paper every bit of it and then burned it...would I be invbiting more negative karma my way??? I really have no other way that I can think of to deal with this. any help greatly appreciated!!!

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ML
~~~~~~~~~~~
"In my end is my beginning"
Mary,Queen of Scots

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Azalaksh
Knowflake

Posts: 6485
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Nov 2004

posted March 30, 2008 11:26 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Azalaksh     Edit/Delete Message
Inviting negative karma?? I don't see it that way. I think writing down everything you would say to her -- even vitriolic diatribe -- and then ritually burning it would be helpful. In a way, you're Giving Her to God, by sending "her" in the smoke from the burned paper.

Perhaps I would visualize pouring out my animosities into that piece of paper -- as sending a stream of those negative thoughts about her onto and into the paper. That way you purge those when you're burning the paper also.

We all have people like this in our lives -- some are real bullies. They get off on producing reaction. If there is no reaction, they eventually go away as they don't get their jollies any more off your energy. Is it possible for you to just walk away when she approaches?? Or completely ignore whatever she says??

Good luck.....

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BlueRoamer
Knowflake

Posts: 3944
From: Calm Blue Ocean, Calm Blue Ocean
Registered: Jun 2003

posted March 30, 2008 04:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BlueRoamer     Edit/Delete Message
My take on awful people:

If there's any way you can get rid them out of your life, do it.

If you can't get rid of them, minimize your interaction with them as much as possible.

If you can't minimize your interaction, tell them to **** off when they abuse you, and mean it.

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hippichick
Knowflake

Posts: 1981
From: The Ether
Registered: Jan 2006

posted March 30, 2008 04:43 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hippichick     Edit/Delete Message
It has been said that our greatest button pushers are our greatest teachers.

I have a bit of a problem with this.

True enough in theory, I suppose, but flawed in real life.

I stayed in a really bad relationship with a man for too long who was my biggest button pusher, in all of my 46 years, nobody has ****** me off more than this person. I stayed thinking I had some learning to do from him and karma to resolve, I wanted to overcome MY reactions to HIM.

It never happened, just got worse, and by then I realized I was making worse karma by interacting with him and, most probably, the greatest lesson from this interaction was to walk away.

I think with button pushers we can learn alot about ourselves, but we should not have to comprimise our selves to learn, either.

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blue moon
Moderator

Posts: 1169
From: U.K
Registered: Dec 2007

posted March 30, 2008 05:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for blue moon     Edit/Delete Message
Oh dear, this is one I am familiar with, being of fiery temperament.

I find it helps to look at it the other way around -: What is it about what they are saying is annoying me? What is it really about? What am I not dealing with and/or need to think about? I suppose this is dealing with the part of it I am in control of ~ if I put down how I felt on paper it might help, but next day the problem would still be there. But if it works for you, that's great. It's better than spitting it out at them in temper and making things worse.

I prefer to avoid being around people like this but it can be hard to avoid if you are related to them. If you work with them finding a new job is the best option.

I worked with someone like this, I did ask her not to keep trying to rile me but she was too lacking in emotional intelligence to understand what I meant or to take action on my request. It wasn't just me in that case. No-one else there could get along with her and said she "wasn't a people person". As that was what she needed to be in that job, it made for an unpleasant atmosphere for everyone.

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celticfyre
Knowflake

Posts: 578
From: VA,USA
Registered: Aug 2005

posted March 30, 2008 11:58 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for celticfyre     Edit/Delete Message
Thank you all for your responses. I will try this excercise and see how it helps. Especially since the real root of the problem is the non -resolution of my original issue with this person and since I cannot count on her to do her part (she has been given ample opportunity)in the resolution it allowed a false truce as the cap got blown off and all the unresolved conflict fueled the explosion---mine not hers.and with this happening I am becomeing more and more negative acting and actually being dragged down to her level---I cannot even act like the Eagle I should be in fact I beleive I have fallen below the Scorpion and the Gray Lizard so I cannot recognize even myself!!

Yoda was right about the Dark side..
Worse yet I am making myself look badly in others eyes and the one most upsetting to me is in the eye's of my Crab I am afraid that I have driven him away with my volitility....SSSOOOOOOO....I figure this excercise is the safest way to get all that negativity out of my system...without hurting myself or anyone else in the process. I jsut didn't want it to backfire (no pun inteneded) on me and invite unwittingly more negative energy. Thank you all for the reassurances and insight!! :hugs:

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ML
~~~~~~~~~~~
"In my end is my beginning"
Mary,Queen of Scots

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26taurus
Knowflake

Posts: 13411
From: *
Registered: Jun 2004

posted March 31, 2008 12:03 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for 26taurus     Edit/Delete Message
Hippichick, WELL SAID!

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bunnies
Knowflake

Posts: 104
From: U.K
Registered: Mar 2007

posted March 31, 2008 03:18 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for bunnies     Edit/Delete Message
You guys are so wise and there is not much to add other than:
Celticfyre, do not let anyone push you into a situation where you strike out at the wrong target....your poor Crab.

I know how difficult it is when you feel like you want to explode, can't, and then some poor unfortunate who has absolutely nothing to do with it
gets dumped on.
Avoid passive aggressive and go for calm assertive.
Ask a colleague to stand as referee and do not let her get you riled up no matter what.

Take her to one side and say (substitute your own dialogue)

"Lady, I would truly love to punch your lights out and I am sure you feel exactly the same way about me.
However we both know that this would not be conducive to a good workplace practice.
What say we treat each other with that cold polite disdain that people who really despise one another do?
And agree to stay as far away from each others faces as is practical?

You will feel better because you have told her how you feel, validated the way she feels and sounded calm and reasonable.

And then as you walk away you can say under your breath "But if I catch you alone outside of work believe me, I will hurt you in ways you cannot begin .......Oh no don't say that celtic....that's just me!!!!!!

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celticfyre
Knowflake

Posts: 578
From: VA,USA
Registered: Aug 2005

posted March 31, 2008 09:13 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for celticfyre     Edit/Delete Message
LOL!!! Bunnies that is too funny!

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ML
~~~~~~~~~~~
"In my end is my beginning"
Mary,Queen of Scots

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deuxantares
Knowflake

Posts: 27
From: philippines
Registered: Nov 2006

posted March 31, 2008 01:31 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for deuxantares     Edit/Delete Message
how about this: write in detail how you really feel, then burn the paper.

then get another piece of paper and write your "ideal" scenario with this person. we know that words, like thoughts, have energy, right? so i think it will be good to use positive affirming words to attract your desired outcome.

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wheelsofcheese
Knowflake

Posts: 208
From: UK
Registered: Jan 2008

posted April 02, 2008 04:49 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for wheelsofcheese     Edit/Delete Message
I love this forum. I really really love this forum.

Great to read this thread. I hear you celticfyre, dealing with the same myself.

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celticfyre
Knowflake

Posts: 578
From: VA,USA
Registered: Aug 2005

posted April 02, 2008 12:31 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for celticfyre     Edit/Delete Message
Well guys I did it last night and we will see how things pan out. Thank you again for all your help

------------------
ML
~~~~~~~~~~~
"In my end is my beginning"
Mary,Queen of Scots

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