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Author
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Topic: keep the faith
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Lara
Knowflake Posts: 1489
From: London
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted June 09, 2008 06:55 PM
 
Hey fellow knowflakes  I have started this thread cos l need a focus to get me through the next part of my life, which is happening right now! I hope you alll don't mind. As some of you know, i'm in love with a guy in the US. I live in the UK. We have been seeing each other every month consistently since the beginning of the year and we were hoping to have a proper, serious relationship when l had rented out my house and moved to the States. Well today, my immigration lawyer told me that l do not qualify to apply for a green card and the only way l will ever live in the US is if l marry someone whom is a US citizen. I am totally gutted... l have had 2 failed marriages already and my SO thinks marriage is just a piece of paper and is not keen on it. Where does this leave us? I don't know but i cried my heart out today and l just think it's so cruel for 2 people who love each other to be ripped apart by some stupid law. I leave you with this poem for now - all i do
i can still feel you numb all through
i can still feel you hear your call
underneath it all kill my brain
yet you still remain crucified
after all i've died after all i've tried
you are still inside all i do
i can still feel you you remain
i am stained
Any suggestions are most welcome. Lara x
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zenwarner
Knowflake Posts: 439
From: tx, usa
Registered: Aug 2005
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posted June 09, 2008 06:57 PM
Haha. Just come over anyway. Dosnt stop most people. I know tons of illegal immigrants. IP: Logged |
Lara
Knowflake Posts: 1489
From: London
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted June 09, 2008 08:01 PM
from the UK?
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CancerianMoon
Knowflake Posts: 1164
From: Sydney, Australia. Cancer Sun.....Gemini Moon.....Aqua Rising
Registered: Aug 2003
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posted June 09, 2008 08:10 PM
Lara..i feel your pain..Ive been in constant and close contact with someone from the US for more than 2 years..he was born in Africa though and there was similar issues with him coming here to Australia...he actually is here now...came for a holiday and is applying onshore...doesnt look promising though...we have been told the same thing...that marrying would be the easiest way..but neither of us want to do it just for him staying here...we want to(if it comes to that) get married for the right reasons(ive never been married) I think if it comes down to it...i would marry him if that was the final option available..i do love him and do want a future with him...just want more real time with him like most couples have before they decide to marry..
I do think though if all it takes is a marriage to get you together..and if your partner see's it as just a piece of paper..why not use that piece of paper for a chance at a life you want?
my heart goes out to you sweety 
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zenwarner
Knowflake Posts: 439
From: tx, usa
Registered: Aug 2005
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posted June 09, 2008 10:33 PM
No. I dont know any illegal immigrants from the U.K.
But I dont see how it could be much different. Just take an "extended holiday."
The only chances of getting caught is to get in trouble with the law.
The only other problem I can think of is that you technically are suppossed to have a social security card to work.
But trust me, thats not an issue for alot of places. Especially here in tx. I guess it depends on what you do.
What state is it that you are planning to relocate to?Its kind of odd. I would give anything to be able to move to London. IP: Logged |
robyn.c
Knowflake Posts: 157
From: england
Registered: Dec 2007
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posted June 10, 2008 06:52 AM
hi Lara, if you do things the right way it takes a long time, costs a lot of money and govt makes it bl00dy hard for you.
best not go illegally cos you can mess yourself up in the future. plus you can never relax. hmmm. can he come here? look on yahoo answers, theres a bit there re. US.
keep the faith, too right...there is a way, you just have to find it
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venusdeindia
Knowflake Posts: 1483
From: mumbai,india
Registered: Nov 2006
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posted June 10, 2008 08:24 AM
i pray that it works out. cant u find a job there, or cant he come to uk ?whats the big deal with marriage in ur culture i cant understand. in our country a man and woman living together is also a mariiage on on par with one where u take vows. AND the woman can sue for alimony, AND child support. heres an idea, why not have a hindu marriage ritual ?it doesnt involve signing paper  IP: Logged |
blue moon
Moderator Posts: 2191
From: U.K
Registered: Dec 2007
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posted June 10, 2008 08:52 AM
Hindu vows didn't help Jerry Hall much. Her wedding dress is up for sale though, Lara, if you fancy it, it comes with her wishes for good luck. Credit cards are winging their way out of pockets as I type. Has he got an Irish granny? It would help if he could conjure up an E.U passport. But if he doesn't want to come over here it is irrelevant. That might be the easiest solution though. Has he got kids? IP: Logged |
Yin
Knowflake Posts: 1499
From:
Registered: May 2004
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posted June 10, 2008 09:01 AM
quote:
Well today, my immigration lawyer told me that l do not qualify to apply for a green card and the only way l will ever live in the US is if l marry someone whom is a US citizen.
You have to have a good reason to apply for a green card.
Some people apply because they are marries to US citizens, other people have the US companies they are working for apply on their behalf.
First you need to find a US employer willing to jumpt through a bunch of hoops to get a skilled worker from a foreign country to work for them in the US. Second you have to prove yourself irreplaceable or at least your employer has to believe it so they can get you a green card.
It is a long and painful process but at least you will not have to marry the guy until you are ready to.IP: Logged |
blue moon
Moderator Posts: 2191
From: U.K
Registered: Dec 2007
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posted June 10, 2008 09:10 AM
Yin has reminded me, a friend of mine got around this problem by buying an existing company (i.e small limited company, not a large corporation). Not sure of the details and anyway, er, she didn't go in the end. IP: Logged |
fieryscales
Moderator Posts: 692
From: My own private world
Registered: Jan 2008
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posted June 10, 2008 09:30 AM
Lara I am in a similar boat as you.
I am in love with a guy who lives in the USA. I would do anything to go over and be with him. The thing is with the green card and marrying an American in my circumstances is not going to work. I am gay and hence I am in love with this American guy. In the USA, gay marriages aren't really recognised as legal. Therefore I have a problem.
And it is somewhat difficult to get a green card where I live as there is so much red-tape to get through. BUT I AM DETERMINED TO GO OVER TO THE USA ( or Canada with is another option.)
I know what you're going through, I can sympathise.IP: Logged |
zenwarner
Knowflake Posts: 439
From: tx, usa
Registered: Aug 2005
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posted June 10, 2008 10:26 AM
fieryscales,On May 17, 2004 Massachusetts became the first U.S. state to legalize same-sex marriage. The State of Massachusetts also issues licenses to gay couples from New Mexico and Rhode Island since neither state explicitly prohibits same-sex marriage. On May 15, 2008 the California Supreme Court ruled that excluding same-sex couples from marriage is unconstitutional, effectively creating same-sex marriage in California. Connecticut, Vermont, New Jersey, and New Hampshire have created legal unions that, while not called marriages, are explicitly defined as offering all the rights and responsibilities of marriage under state (though not federal) law to same-sex couples. Maine, Hawaii, the District of Columbia, Oregon and Washington have created legal unions for same-sex couples that offer varying subsets of the rights and responsibilities of marriage under the laws of those jurisdictions. Also, since May 29, 2008 New York recognizes gay marriages from couples legally married outside of the state I know its still limiting. But it is a start
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fieryscales
Moderator Posts: 692
From: My own private world
Registered: Jan 2008
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posted June 10, 2008 10:36 AM
quote:
Maine, Hawaii, the District of Columbia, Oregon and Washington have created legal unions for same-sex couples that offer varying subsets of the rights and responsibilities of marriage under the laws of those jurisdictions.
My boyfriend lives in Washington State. Does the above information allow me to "marry" in Washington State?
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Yin
Knowflake Posts: 1499
From:
Registered: May 2004
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posted June 10, 2008 10:53 AM
With fieryscales it is not about whether or not he can be legally married to the guy.
It is about whether he can IMMIGRATE based on a gay marriage. USCIS does not allow that yet.
http://immigration.about.com/od/familybased/a/SameSexPartners.htm IP: Logged |
zenwarner
Knowflake Posts: 439
From: tx, usa
Registered: Aug 2005
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posted June 10, 2008 11:06 AM
fieryscales,
Heres a recent news article. It shows state by state relationship laws. it hasnt added california to the legal marriage set yet.
The last few paragraphs may be helpful though.
http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/363372_gaywashington16.html?source=mypi And I know it dosnt help you with your immigration issue. I just wanted to show you that America is making some big strides as far as gay rights go. I just wanted to offer a little hope. IP: Logged |
fieryscales
Moderator Posts: 692
From: My own private world
Registered: Jan 2008
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posted June 10, 2008 11:08 AM
Thank you Yin, it is tough times now but hopefully it will change for the better.Thanks Zen for that article-it gives hope. IP: Logged |
Lara
Knowflake Posts: 1489
From: London
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted June 10, 2008 01:36 PM
oh my gosh, i'm so overwhelmed with all the wonderfully compassionate replies - thank you ALL from my heart.I have spent the day in a daze - l just can't believe l am unable to move there!!!! In answer to all questions (forgive me if l left one out but my brain is mush today) He has no kids
He doesn't want to move to UK as he doesn't really like it here lol AND he has all his family close to him in NY. I want to move abroad for a while anyway so it makes sense for me to move. Fiery, my heart goes out to you. it's so painful to be in this position. may l ask how you do it, as in continue the relationship when you are not in USA? I agree with you - I'M NOT GIVING UP!!! I know l can apply for a visitors visa and spend 6 months there but then l have to leave and only go once a month for a week for the remaining 6 months of the year!! VenusdeIndia - does a hindu marriage count in the USA as a marriage, do you know? I can't leave my soulie... l just can't. It's already unbearable only seeing him for 5 days a month  I wish you all good luck with your relationships.. we ALL deserve to be happy and that includes overcoming the world's ridiculous restrictions on love. x Lara IP: Logged |
Lara
Knowflake Posts: 1489
From: London
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted June 10, 2008 01:38 PM
CancerianmoonI pray you find a way... l know Australia is as difficult as USA when it comes to living there x IP: Logged |
fieryscales
Moderator Posts: 692
From: My own private world
Registered: Jan 2008
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posted June 10, 2008 05:35 PM
Lara, all I can say is thank goodness for Yahoo IM, text-messaging, mobiles,emails etc. I know it isn't the real thing but it does help.IP: Logged |
darkdreamer
Knowflake Posts: 1804
From: Germany
Registered: Aug 2006
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posted June 10, 2008 05:41 PM
Lara,what does he say to all of this?
Does he see a solution? DD IP: Logged |
Lara
Knowflake Posts: 1489
From: London
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted June 10, 2008 06:02 PM
hi DD I really don't know. I only told him last night and he hasn't contacted me at all today which is unusual for him. IP: Logged |
venusdeindia
Knowflake Posts: 1483
From: mumbai,india
Registered: Nov 2006
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posted June 11, 2008 08:37 AM
lara, honey, good to say u wont give up.
well hindu married couples do get visas in the US.
i spoke of it more in context of ur soulie thinking marriage isnt .....
well i do agree with him, top an extent. in our culture marriage is very different from yours, the vows are very different. the fire ritual that seals a marriage is actually meant to burn all negative sexual imprints and karma from past relationships.so that the current one can be like a virgin LOL  anyways, ask exactly whats his deal with not getting hitched. in ur case its not really an option if u want to get a visa. so i wonder.... IP: Logged |
wheelsofcheese
Knowflake Posts: 706
From: UK
Registered: Jan 2008
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posted June 11, 2008 08:44 AM
quote:
the fire ritual that seals a marriage is actually meant to burn all negative sexual imprints and karma from past relationships
Blimey! I'd have someone standing by with a hose, mine would be fairly dramatic! Lara hun, I don't know what to suggest but I just wanted to say I feel sympathy for you in your situation, which I have to say sucks a big one for sure. Hugs to you.
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Lara
Knowflake Posts: 1489
From: London
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted June 11, 2008 11:33 AM
"the fire ritual that seals a marriage is actually meant to burn all negative sexual imprints and karma from past relationships"LOL VenusdeIndia - that made me laugh and laugh! I will ask him but seeing as we have never lived in the same city for more than 5 days at a time AND have only been seeing each other for 6 months - it makes me feel uneasy
I'm not sure how ready he is to commit right now, you know? I'm intrigued though and l will definitely look up on Hindu marriage, thanks.
Wheelsofcheese - yeah it's a bummer
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fieryscales
Moderator Posts: 692
From: My own private world
Registered: Jan 2008
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posted June 11, 2008 11:59 AM
LOL @ wheels IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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