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Author
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Topic: To wed or not to wed?
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charmainec
Moderator Posts: 5057
From: Venus next to Randall
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 07, 2008 04:04 AM
  
This is something I often wonder about. We have much more freedoms than we did in the past and couples do not find it necessary to legally wed. There are still cultures and religions that forbid unwed couples to live together but it's become quite popular to do so.
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What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us ~Ralph Waldo Emerson IP: Logged |
charmainec
Moderator Posts: 5057
From: Venus next to Randall
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 07, 2008 04:13 AM
I also wonder if coming from a brOken home also influences ones perceptions of marriage. Personally I think it's a matter of choice and interesting to see what other peoples opinions are on this matter.------------------
What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us ~Ralph Waldo Emerson IP: Logged |
Unmoved
Knowflake Posts: 2196
From:
Registered: May 2009
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posted August 07, 2008 09:27 AM
Hi Char.I come from a background where I have never seen a good model of marriage. Therefore my reservations about being married are based on a lack of knowledge because I don't understand it. I don't understand why there should be contracts and worldly elements to something spiritual like the love between two people. I think that getting married is fear based. It think people get married because they are afraid of being alone or afraid of being materially insecure because two heads are better than one when it comes to making money etc. Also, I feel that marriage perpetuates obligations and guilt. When married a person will endure pain, lack of freedom and sometimes even abuse to avoid divorce whereas if there was no contract I feel that a person would be in a union because they want to, not because of a promise they made years ago which is no longer true. I can't say that I will never marry but I don't think it is something I would encourage. I would likely get married for the comfort of my partner than for my own desires to be married. But, as I said, I have never seen a good marriage in my life so maybe I need to see a good model of it first before I understand the institution of marriage. IP: Logged |
charmainec
Moderator Posts: 5057
From: Venus next to Randall
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 07, 2008 10:18 AM
Hi Unmoved  I understand your views.There are some people that marry or are forced to marry for the wrong reasons. I was reading that in our country there is no such thing as common law marriage. So in the event a couple has been living together for 7 years and something happens to one of the partners that partner will not have any legal claims to any posessions of the deceased spouse unless a will was drawn up. ------------------
What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us ~Ralph Waldo Emerson IP: Logged |
charmainec
Moderator Posts: 5057
From: Venus next to Randall
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 07, 2008 10:20 AM
It's their way of 'protecting' married couples and them having certain 'previlages'.------------------
What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us ~Ralph Waldo Emerson IP: Logged |
blue moon
Knowflake Posts: 1344
From: U.K
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 07, 2008 11:35 AM
What I don't get is when people say they don't want the commitment of marriage, but they live with someone in a situation of mutual financial dependence, and they have children together. Surely in that situation if the relationship ended tomorrow, the biggest headache wouldn't be getting a legal divorce? That bit is easy enough, at least where I live. Selling your house is likely to be your biggest problem, at least right now.
IP: Logged |
writesomething
Newflake Posts: 0
From:
Registered: Mar 2011
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posted August 07, 2008 11:41 AM
weddings are great for the economy, and stuff.IP: Logged |
Unmoved
Knowflake Posts: 2196
From:
Registered: May 2009
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posted August 07, 2008 11:45 AM
We do have common law marriages in our country or at least I was under the impression that we did. Apparently it takes effect after a few months, less than a year of living together. blue moon. I hear you. At least I personally have no issues with committing to a partner. What I don't understand is how people romanticize marriage when It's a sure business and security move. IP: Logged |
blue moon
Knowflake Posts: 1344
From: U.K
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 07, 2008 11:50 AM
I lived with my husband for 5 years before we got married. An afternoon in a registry office didn't change much, it just made legally official what was already the case. Though I know people who have said their partner changed as soon as the ring was on their finger, or as one friend put it, "it was a catalyst for everything that was wrong with the relationship." Marriage is handy for pensions, property, inheritance. 8th house matters. Romance lives someplace else.
IP: Logged |
deuxantares
Newflake Posts: 0
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 07, 2008 03:47 PM
ideally, the "contract" part in marriage contract should have the elements of a real contract just like in business (duties and resposibilities of both parties, benefits/compensation, exit clause, etc), should state length of contract, whether it's renewable or not, etc. and evaluation/assessment should be done regularly to guard against complacency... this explains why i have never been married.  IP: Logged |
charmainec
Moderator Posts: 5057
From: Venus next to Randall
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 08, 2008 01:54 AM
Unmoved - common law marriages are not legally recognized here. Should a child be produced from such a union the man will have an obligation to support the child but has no obligation to the mother unless there was a contract which the two agreed to and a judge aproved it.It's such a contradiction don't you think.------------------
What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us ~Ralph Waldo Emerson IP: Logged |
Inner depths
unregistered
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posted August 10, 2008 03:26 AM
I think marriage is overrates but I'm a Libra uranus gal. I think marriage would be good for a couple if they were well matched and had a long time established relationship. I was engaged 3 times and never walked down the aisle. I've been common law around 3 times and have a ******* child (I wouldn't tell her and I love her to bits).I find now a days relationships are rushed and people move in together way too quickly. The time to develop a stable relationship is not taken and I think it is what is missing. Maybe the institution of marriage should be buried cause the divorce rate is up there. I wish there was a way to figure out if a couple will be together for the long haul - but as somebody here said we have so many freedoms today than they were many decades ago. Times have changed too and there is more information and understanding about people and life. Life in the 1950s was majorly different than it is now - but back then I figure there was more abuse and lack of knowledge in social areas of society. Behaviors were wrong yet it existed and prevailed over other things.....There was a strong "You made your bed - now go lie in it mentality" and nobody dared to leave the marriage. (I have had many elderly client while working in home care telling me what life was like back then...." I'm not sure what got a couple down the aisle is different than today. You look at today and I think marriage is mocked and not really sacred ground any more - like if a person can get married in Vegas easily, then so be it. The values that we hold are different from a while back - and so are our traditions. I don't know if the sanctity in marriage will ever return. Some folks think they will love and cherish their mate forever but many things are overlooked and love sometimes fails and doesn't conquer all. That's my mixed up two but rant for you..... ID
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Lindaland
