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Author
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Topic: Trying to....reading into it too much
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writesomething
Moderator Posts: 2161
From: meet me in montauk
Registered: May 2006
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posted September 28, 2008 08:26 PM
 
thanks for the responses everyone.IP: Logged |
koiflower
Knowflake Posts: 482
From: Australia
Registered: Jun 2008
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posted September 29, 2008 08:04 AM
That's wierd!It's almost you need a psychic to tell you what he meant!!! I would be hurt/suspicious with that comment. Who needs ambiguous comments?? It's rude. Call him on the phone and listen to his voice - you'll hear it in his voice!! IP: Logged |
jane
Knowflake Posts: 1655
From:
Registered: Nov 2006
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posted September 29, 2008 08:40 AM
I don't think he's mad or irritated. The emails and everything probably exceeded his normal level of social interaction (spends most of his time living in his head), and he was acknowledging that, but not to scare you off. Just to joke around. I think he was probably trying to affectionately tease, just was very bad at it!IP: Logged |
PeaceAngel
Knowflake Posts: 1803
From: Australia
Registered: May 2008
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posted September 29, 2008 08:48 AM
quote:
"you guys are too much, really too much"
I agree with Jane. I've heard this used with affection and humour many times. IP: Logged |
writesomething
Moderator Posts: 2161
From: meet me in montauk
Registered: May 2006
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posted September 29, 2008 09:00 AM
I went back to my inbox, and the exact thing he said was: You are too much, guys. Really too much. I dont know, I felt offended...my first instinct.... I dont want to talk to him anymore at this point. IP: Logged |
jane
Knowflake Posts: 1655
From:
Registered: Nov 2006
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posted September 29, 2008 09:05 AM
Well, the options are he was kidding or he's a moody nutjob. He actually told you to send him the address, so for him to then say that you doing so is too much...he'd have to be an irrational creep. How well do you know him? Is he someone whose mood would shift that quickly, in such an irrational way?IP: Logged |
PeaceAngel
Knowflake Posts: 1803
From: Australia
Registered: May 2008
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posted September 29, 2008 09:07 AM
That's what I find really difficult with written communication - there can be such ambiguity. You don't have the tone or the body language that you do in person or over the phone to support the wording. It's very difficult. I've been caught out many times - both ways - having been accused of something I didn't intend or not being sure of someone's intentions. The only way to work it out is to see how they respond to you in future.IP: Logged |
blue moon
Moderator Posts: 2991
From: U.K
Registered: Dec 2007
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posted September 29, 2008 11:44 AM
I'm going to ditto PeaceAngel ~ you've got no non-verbal clues to interpret this ambiguous phrase. He could have meant it innocently and realised afterwards that it could be taken badly. Or maybe, if he's busy and in an stressful job he might have sounded more dismissive than he truly meant. IP: Logged |
CoralFrequency
Knowflake Posts: 1228
From:
Registered: Feb 2007
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posted September 29, 2008 11:47 AM
He might've been annoyed or stressed for whatever reason (not related to you) and being sarcastic. But I also got the sense that he was irritated by your speed & efficiency. I'm not sure what sign he is, but he is probably a slower person.My impression is, if he was in your shoes and had to solve this situation - it would take him about a month to get the glasses back. He’d call the person (like you did) - and they might say "yes certainly", BUT - he wouldn't visit the area within the next couple of days. He'd leave it TO "whenever he is in the area", which could be in two weeks time. Later, he said he would ship the glasses. I think he expected his answers to be *dismissive*. He probably thought, you'll give him more time.
Maybe he expected you to send him the address later that night, so he can do it the next day or whenever he feels like it. He sounds like someone who does everything SLOWLY and feels imposed upon or pressured when he has to move quicker. When you said: "I feel like he's had a lot of pressure to help her as it is" - it makes me wonder. Maybe he is just someone who refuses to move an inch in the absence of pressure, due to laziness. The person who thinks *everything* IS an inconvenience. As a Virgo, you would be the opposite, so obviously you wanted to get her glasses back as soon as possible since she needs them. I actually find him rude, because most people I know would've offered to send the glasses as soon as they found them. It's not like they were a pen or an earring.
As a university teacher, he should value the importance of glasses lol IP: Logged |
CoralFrequency
Knowflake Posts: 1228
From:
Registered: Feb 2007
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posted September 29, 2008 11:49 AM
Blue and Peace - I'd agree with both of you, if it wasn't for his apparent attitude problem.If you guys found someone else's pair of glasses, wouldn't you send them to the person? Would you really wait to be asked about it time and time again? I don't know. I find it rude. IP: Logged |
jane
Knowflake Posts: 1655
From:
Registered: Nov 2006
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posted September 29, 2008 11:55 PM
As far as not returning the glasses w/o prompting, I just take that to mean that he's not proactive about practical things like that. I don't think he's mad about returning them. It's very likely that he's not even doing it himself, but is having his secretary do it for him. The main reason that I think he meant for you to interpret it as teasing and not as an insult is because that fits with his behavior prior to and after that email. It fits with how he wants you to view him. Before, he had gone out of his way to advertise himself to you as someone helpful and good-natured. That's how he wants you to see him. Why would he then want to make a comment toward you that would completely destroy that image, and instead make him appear like someone who doesn't want to be bothered? Let's say he did want to destroy that image. Why only two hours later would he revert to wanting to be viewed as a nice guy again, responding kindly to your request for a clarification, and going so far as to say he loves you guys? If he really had been telling you he was annoyed, it would make more sense for him to never respond to your request for a clarification. Certainly not to invite you to see him as a helpful person again, if it's that type of role he wanted to escape from. If he truly was annoyed and his reason for that comment was to let you know that, he would have to be kinda nuts, be suffering a major inner-conflict to then revert back to wanting you to see him as a nice guy. I think it would be a little fun to mess with someone so torn!  With guys, communication is usually on the surface. I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and trust that he was trying to tease you for bugging him, not trying to dismiss you or make you feel like you'd overstepped his boundaries. IP: Logged |
PeaceAngel
Knowflake Posts: 1803
From: Australia
Registered: May 2008
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posted September 30, 2008 12:40 AM
Just a loop - but is it possible that he was hoping that the glasses would be picked up in person, for some reason?IP: Logged |
writesomething
Moderator Posts: 2161
From: meet me in montauk
Registered: May 2006
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posted September 30, 2008 01:18 AM
I dont think so, because I was in his area and was willing to pick them up, but gave him an opening for him to just drop them at the post office himself..I said I was in the area but if it was easier on him, he could just mail them. Hes like an hour from me, and 3-4 hours from her...but I was gonna be in his area anyway, so I didnt mind.Thanks for the responses everyone. I was really hurt by the whole comment, but I feel somewhat better now, although I will probably be a bit more distant from now on. IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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