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Author
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Topic: Your thoughts, please, on terms of endearment.
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hippichick
Knowflake Posts: 2215
From: The Ether
Registered: Jan 2006
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posted October 24, 2008 11:06 AM
 
What to you all think when people use, in general public, directed toward someone they may (like a waitress or cashier) or may not know, terms of endearment?Like, "thanks hon", "hi sweetie" etc. I know, I am horribly offended if a perfect stranger calls me "hon." Especially a man, I am much more able to digest it coming from a woman, MUCH MORE! I have been going round and round lately with an individual about the use of terms of endearment with general friends, and strangers in public. I think it is wrong, especially if the individual that the word is directed to is a perfect stranger, I think it is just plain rude and disresepctful! And I do not think is particullarly appropriate, either if it is directed toward a watiress that knows you as a regular or a cashier, for instance that sees you often in their establishments. And if the speaking individual is with their signifigant other........well!!! Thoughts and opinions, please. Thanks!!! IP: Logged |
blue moon
Moderator Posts: 3651
From: U.K
Registered: Dec 2007
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posted October 24, 2008 12:05 PM
Round these parts it is usual to be referred to as 'love' or 'mate'. I do it myself, all the time, and sometimes I do it in the written word on here ~ it's pretty authentic if I am writing something to sound as if I was speaking. Women in their 80s will refer to each other this way, it's pretty much the way we speak. In other parts of England "me duck" or "sweetheart" are standard. Something that won't get through that rhymes with clock is a good one, it's not meant to be rude, that's just the vernacular in that region. My dad is from Norn Iron, even though he is in his 60s he gets called "wee man" by those few relatives older than him. LOL. It's not bothering with 'please' and 'thank-you' that annoys me, it's pretty basic. IP: Logged |
bunnies
Knowflake Posts: 449
From: U.K
Registered: Mar 2007
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posted October 24, 2008 12:40 PM
Guilty as charged!
I don't think anyone in the UK is capable of directing a sentence without tagging a "love, hun, mate, pal or if you are posh....my dear, at the end.
We are a polite race and believe in softening any request in case the person serving us takes offence.
There's a tag in every area of Britain as blue moon said.
If you live in Scotland you get called "hen"They are obviously fond of farmyard animals.
Note "me duck , hen and a particular term in Liverpool "you fat cow"!!!! (not so polite) IP: Logged |
blue moon
Moderator Posts: 3651
From: U.K
Registered: Dec 2007
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posted October 24, 2008 01:03 PM
chickenThere's another. So, if you are ever in the Nottingham area and get called c0ck, you will now know the lady on the till is merely being friendly and is referencing a farmyard animal. IP: Logged |
LEXX
Moderator Posts: 1508
From: Still out looking for Schrödinger's cat.........& LEXIGRAMMING... is my Passion!
Registered: Jan 2008
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posted October 24, 2008 01:05 PM
When I use dear, or dear lady, or hon, or dear friend, I mean it affectionately, or consoling, or friendly when joking around with my gay friends, hon and honey is often used...especially by DQs.
Sweetie I use on little kids or my cats. Sweetheart for fellows who are being sweet and caring.
I hate the "hey babe" or "girl" or "you go girl", or being referred to as "my old lady", "the little woman"...just as rude as "boy" or "hey boy".
And "whazzup?" is annoying.
Brit use of "love" and "mate" is cool by me.
Not so fond of "ducks" though. Too much like "broad, chick, chickie.
Dude is OK if not overused.
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It is not about waiting for storms to pass...it is about learning to dance in the rain!
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sunshine_lion
Knowflake Posts: 611
From: ann arbor mi
Registered: Apr 2008
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posted October 24, 2008 01:42 PM
I would perfer little eandearing names not to be used to me, but have gotten used to it. people call me
sunshine,
baby blue,
baby doll
baby girl
sweetie
honey
princess
I am 43 freaking years old.
not kris, they call me krissy.
urgh.
i guess you just get used to it and know you are loved.
I have even been told during menstrual cycle, to go get some mydol so you can be my doll again.IP: Logged |
MyVirgoMask
Knowflake Posts: 152
From: Somewhere between here and there
Registered: Sep 2008
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posted October 24, 2008 01:47 PM
Ok I am guilty of using sweetie, hon, and darlin' with clients I advise, and also with friends. But once in a while I've used it very casually without even realizing.
Used to bartend and wait tables. I'd use sir and ma'am a lot at the beginning, and by the end of their meal/drink round, I'd lapse into honey sweetie darlin'. lol.
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"The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. " IP: Logged |
sunshine_lion
Knowflake Posts: 611
From: ann arbor mi
Registered: Apr 2008
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posted October 24, 2008 01:58 PM
myvirgomask. that makes cents! no pun intended. I always made more money waitressing and bartending when pouring on the sugar.that is actually part of the job! blah blah blah, honey sweetie dumplin.IP: Logged |
EighthMoon
Knowflake Posts: 1338
From:
Registered: May 2007
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posted October 24, 2008 04:58 PM
Yeah...it seems to be a big thing here in the southeast. People in the northeast seem to do it when they know someone, not to strangers as much.It kinda sticks in my craw when a 19 year old waitress calls me "hon" or "sweetie." It sounds weird coming from a younger person. One waitress was calling my 74 year old father "Sweetie" and she was in her early 20's. I thought it sounded disrespectful. I worked in the service industry in the southwest and called people pet names, but only if I saw them every day and had a rapport with them.  8th IP: Logged |
hippichick
Knowflake Posts: 2215
From: The Ether
Registered: Jan 2006
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posted October 24, 2008 08:21 PM
Thank you all for your replies.I live in South Texas where friendliness is the mantra the day.....always.. I just wonder when, where and IF boundaries are crossed. Seems to me, sofar, a cultural thing. While I hail from the midwest I am quite the nauturalized Texan, so I suppose I still do not know. Maybe I am being too sensitive. blessings t~~~
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koiflower
Knowflake Posts: 652
From: Australia
Registered: Jun 2008
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posted October 24, 2008 11:19 PM
Difficult subject, I know. I just stick to no endearments, at all. (I am not allowed to use them in my place of employment, and actually feel the empowerment of children when I use their name).During my feministic time of the 80's, it helped toward the politicizing of language not to use endearments that may have disempowered a woman, young person, or other faction of society trying to carve out an equal slice of life's privileges. There is power in words, so 'neutralizing' language keeps the playing field level for all. It allows for all players to feel out their own automony without having a 'label' attached to them. However, use of terms of endearments can soften barriers between people and strengthen relationships. So, I guess it depends on the political/social climate of the time and place. IP: Logged |
Xodian
Moderator Posts: 1901
From: Canada
Registered: Dec 2006
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posted October 25, 2008 02:18 AM
*Blush* Well I have to say that I am a living contradiction when it comes to terms of endearment. Where as I have a really bad habit of using the term "sweets" with every female friend I know, I hate it when they use their own little nicknames on me. However, IMO feminism and terms of endearment should not be correlated since a term of endearment is hardly just a one way street. Ladies use it on guys all the time these days. More often then not, your average good looking buck could be called anything from "cutie" (God I hate that one Lol!) to "dearest." IP: Logged |
koiflower
Knowflake Posts: 652
From: Australia
Registered: Jun 2008
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posted October 25, 2008 04:05 AM
quote:
these days
Times do change - and thankfully there is more equality 'these days' for women than 20, 30, 40+ years ago. Women are more empowered than previous years. Empowerment = confidence = calling men whatever they feel like. I couldn't imagine John-boy Walton's mum wolf whistling the plumber. But I can imagine a character from Desparate Housewives doing that! Oh yes indeedy, times have changed! Me? The only term of endearments I use is on my partner. I'm happy with that IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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