posted November 13, 2008 07:43 PM         

I would like to say that I've been a good girl this year. And for the sake of consistency I will. But I'm sure that you think you know better. I'm making my list and if you don't deliver this year the events of last year will pale in comparison. Of course, to come near my home and down my chimney, you will need to lift that Restraining Order which you took out last year. And I have noticed that you have changed your email address. Also your telephone number. And have moved. North, I believe. To a place that is too ******* freezing for me to come and visit you. Not that I can - because, as we all know ***laughing politely*** that would be illegal now, wouldn't it!

Okay - I digress. Back to my wish list. All I want for Christmas this year is this:

packaged in a full body red silk sack, attached to a camel with solid gold handcuffs, wearing a leather g-string, with a padlock. Oh, don't worry about the key. I have my own methods of extracting the device. Also one extra soft fluffy teddy bear, an oven mitten, an annual supply of spray on KY gel, sturdy rope, nail polish, tweezers, a taser gun, the entire Bryan Ferry collection - which is what, like one or two CD's - inclusive of Best Of), Chinese Finger Torture implements, a guide dog and an inflatable pool. This sounds like the rider for Metallica. And some hand sorted M&M's - no brown ones.

I know that this will appease any previous "misunderstandings". I promise to stay away from Rudolph and apologise that it is not only his nose that is red now. Umm, please, don't mention Dasher and Dancer. I'm sure they're fine and that rehabilitation will prove successful at some stage. There's nothing wrong with two three legged reindeer. I'm sure they'll be fine.

Glad to see that we can put the past behind us. I look forward to a wonderful Christmas. Thank you Santa. Thank you for knowing what is best for all of us.

Yours sincerely,
PA.

posted November 13, 2008 10:35 PM         

Wow as in you want to be my accomplice? Or wow as in, she's an idiot?

posted November 15, 2008 04:00 AM         

Look at it like this. If it wasn't for Christmas, your birthday would not be hijacked. Remove Christmas from the equation and...............