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Author
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Topic: Question for present or former bachelor men
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hippichick
Knowflake Posts: 2282
From: The Ether
Registered: Jan 2006
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posted January 06, 2009 07:43 PM
 
Do you become more and more set in your ways, as your bachelor reign lengthens?More and more unable to re-relationship? IP: Logged |
AcousticGod
Knowflake Posts: 14190
From: Pleasanton, CA, USA
Registered: May 2005
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posted January 06, 2009 11:10 PM
My first response is No, but I realize that my answer may only speak for myself. I went without relationships a lot in my 20s, but in my 30's I've been fairly consistent. If my last girlfriend felt she could have continued here in the Bay Area we'd still be together. We were together over two years as it was, and we still talk a lot (and I'm thinking about moving across country where I'll be closer to her...not that we'll necessarily get back together, but if we had like an employment exit review I think we'd both check the box stating "Would hire again" if you know what I mean).Anyway, I know a male Taurus in his 40's who's sworn off the prospect of ever getting married. I'm honestly not sure if I really believe him. I think I could see a girl getting through to him. He does do well for himself on his own. His place is beautiful, and just the way he wants it. Then I think about my Aries roommate who manages to annoy virtually every person he regularly comes in contact with...I don't see him changing really, and his traits I think are actually getting less attractive. So I guess overall my answer is, "I don't know for sure." But as you get older as a single person you do learn to cope on your own, which maybe sets you up to not be so needing of a relationship. IP: Logged |
LEXX
Moderator Posts: 2383
From: Still out looking for Schrödinger's cat.........& LEXIGRAMMING... is my Passion!
Registered: Jan 2008
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posted January 06, 2009 11:32 PM
quote:
to not be so needing of a relationship
I know of both men and women who have opted to stay single.
They tell me it gets lonely at times, but they enjoy their freedom and are not interested in "complicating" their lives.------------------
Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain. IP: Logged |
spunknini
Knowflake Posts: 532
From: Sydney NSW, Australia
Registered: Mar 2008
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posted January 07, 2009 03:49 PM
AMEN to that LEXX quote:
they enjoy their freedom and are not interested in "complicating" their lives.
IP: Logged |
hippichick
Knowflake Posts: 2282
From: The Ether
Registered: Jan 2006
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posted January 07, 2009 04:06 PM
Thank you for your replies.AG-excellent case studies in the bachelor way of life. I am going to have to ponder the men you have mentioned. But, Lexx and Spunk....could it be bachelorism that is preventing one from wanting any further relations? Or, possibly, an inherant programming. Personally, I thouhgt I wanted to be single, after be-ing a bachlorette for many years, then my mind was changed. But, I am female.... I question the workings of the male mind.. I suppose. IP: Logged |
spunknini
Knowflake Posts: 532
From: Sydney NSW, Australia
Registered: Mar 2008
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posted January 07, 2009 05:07 PM
HCI can't speak for men, only for myself. I say "AMEN" because I answer from a point of age & lessons previously learnt & not from gender, so it's a case of been there done that for me. I do have someone I'm "interested in" but nothing may come of it & in that case I am cool because I have my hands full & will only make room for someone if I could be "bothered". Sounds lazy, I know but it's honest & I am sure a few men out there feel the same. Thanks IP: Logged |
AcousticGod
Knowflake Posts: 14190
From: Pleasanton, CA, USA
Registered: May 2005
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posted January 07, 2009 05:09 PM
It really depends on the people being open to it I think.IP: Logged |
hippichick
Knowflake Posts: 2282
From: The Ether
Registered: Jan 2006
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posted January 07, 2009 06:25 PM
O, Spunk, what an awesome reply!I SO appreciate anybody with enough time to introspect, to really ponder upon what he/she really wants! Me thinks not enough of us do this inherantly. AG, I do agree, but the "situation" was proposed to me, from a male, and me not being male, just had to inquire........just a bit. IP: Logged |
AcousticGod
Knowflake Posts: 14190
From: Pleasanton, CA, USA
Registered: May 2005
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posted January 07, 2009 11:00 PM
I thought of another thing that might be relevant to this conversation.As all of us single people get older, there may be a tendency to refine what we're looking for, so maybe certain types of people are crossed off our lists of who we'd like to go for. Of course not all men have the luxury of choice. Some may just go for anyone who seems remotely interested. So that's something to consider as well. IP: Logged |
PeaceAngel
Knowflake Posts: 8051
From: Australia
Registered: May 2008
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posted January 07, 2009 11:05 PM
AGBy "refine" do you mean "compromise"? IP: Logged |
MyVirgoMask
Knowflake Posts: 1605
From: processing destination......
Registered: Sep 2008
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posted January 07, 2009 11:19 PM
I thought he meant 'pinpoint', PA...but it might mean compromise too.It's true that the older we get, the more choosy we might become and so the more weeding we have to endure LOL. Or certain things become priority which just weren't so important before, while other stuff seems to get less important as far as the big picture. IP: Logged |
AcousticGod
Knowflake Posts: 14190
From: Pleasanton, CA, USA
Registered: May 2005
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posted January 07, 2009 11:28 PM
[In response to PA]
I don't think so. Those of us who are looking may be looking to improve upon past performances. Some of that is within us, and some of that is within the partners we pick.For me, I'll trade some passion for some frienship for instance, because I think friendship will make the relationship work easier and more smoothly. IP: Logged |
PeaceAngel
Knowflake Posts: 8051
From: Australia
Registered: May 2008
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posted January 07, 2009 11:52 PM
Thanks AG.  I like to think that the older we get the more we know - maybe even ourselves - but I just find that the older I get the less I actually do know and the more it seems I have to learn.  True! With relationships, any, I think our needs change the older we get. I like what you said about friendship over passion. It think it's true. When you look at Astro Forum and it's filled with people looking for their twinsouls - and yet, basic friendship is glue in a relationship. You're not going to have the passion or great sex or whatever, if you can't even communicate or laugh together. IP: Logged |
PeaceAngel
Knowflake Posts: 8051
From: Australia
Registered: May 2008
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posted January 07, 2009 11:52 PM
Cool thread, btw - great topic.IP: Logged |
AcousticGod
Knowflake Posts: 14190
From: Pleasanton, CA, USA
Registered: May 2005
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posted January 08, 2009 12:03 AM
I came back here right now, because I was thinking that maybe you meant compromise while in the relationship...which is a good trait and goal within the relationship. quote:
You're not going to have the passion or great sex or whatever, if you can't even communicate or laugh together.
Amen to that! IP: Logged |
PeaceAngel
Knowflake Posts: 8051
From: Australia
Registered: May 2008
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posted January 08, 2009 12:10 AM
AG, I just wasn't sure how you meant it. I was wondering if you meant it as compromise. Which isn't a good or bad thing, it's just adjustment. Our changes need as we grow. It's natural.I would suggest to a number of people I know with high expectations in relationships that they need to compromise by bringing those expectations to a realistic level. I think some people think that they meet someone and sparks fly and that person is their true beloved and the world will be perfect for them from that point on. Come on! You know? Relationships are hard work. You've got two people with individual needs and you somehow you have to make it balance so that everyone's needs are met some of the time and that you can live happily together. Compromise is necessary. But some things, like who you are and your dreams in life, are hard to compromise. Throw kids into the mix and it's chaos. Speaking of which, the 6yo is virutally begging for the computer now. Oh, I know my place. I may have it back by dinner time, but I doubt it. IP: Logged |
LEXX
Moderator Posts: 2383
From: Still out looking for Schrödinger's cat.........& LEXIGRAMMING... is my Passion!
Registered: Jan 2008
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posted January 08, 2009 12:35 AM
PA  quote:
basic friendship is glue in a relationship. You're not going to have the passion or great sex or whatever, if you can't even communicate or laugh together.
------------------
Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain. IP: Logged |
AcousticGod
Knowflake Posts: 14190
From: Pleasanton, CA, USA
Registered: May 2005
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posted January 08, 2009 01:01 AM
Ah. Yeah, I agree with you there to (on this): I would suggest to a number of people I know with high expectations in relationships that they need to compromise by bringing those expectations to a realistic level. I totally disagree with some young people's desire to make a list of all the traits they require in a partner. This is one area where "attracting through visualization" probably won't work. Instead, the list maker will undoubtedly thwart themselves with someone who they think matches the list, but who varies from it quite a bit. So, yeah, I'm in agreement with you on being realistic. Ruling out traits based on how they affect the relationship I'm ok with. If I don't want a smoker, I'm ok with that. If I don't want someone who is closed off or uncommunicative, I can live with that. If I don't want someone who's obviously stupid or an embarrassment, I'm ok with that, too. Otherwise I'm really curious about variation. I'd go through the whole zodiac if the opportunity presented itself. I think it would be fascinating. IP: Logged |
spunknini
Knowflake Posts: 532
From: Sydney NSW, Australia
Registered: Mar 2008
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posted January 08, 2009 02:25 AM
AcousticGod quote:
I'm really curious about variation. I'd go through the whole zodiac if the opportunity presented itself
ROFL.IP: Logged |
koiflower
Knowflake Posts: 1876
From: Australia
Registered: Jun 2008
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posted January 08, 2009 03:19 AM
quote:
I know of both men and women who have opted to stay single.
They tell me it gets lonely at times, but they enjoy their freedom and are not interested in "complicating" their lives.
They say the happiest people are single women, then married men, then single men, then last of all....married women! I loved my single days. It was hard at first, but over the years I got used to it, then loved it! I considered myself a bachelorette  IP: Logged |
future_uncertain
Knowflake Posts: 3032
From: ohio
Registered: Aug 2004
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posted January 15, 2009 07:33 PM
I'm still getting used to the idea of being maried, but it's getting better. I was involved in a series of monogamous relationships prior, so the issue hasn't been one of variety so much as permanance, stereotypes, and settling in. (NOT down.) I am settled down, but not hunkered in, ya know?
I'm a Sag, though. I find a bit of instability to be refreshing and liberating.
BTW... I'm a girl!IP: Logged |
MyVirgoMask
Knowflake Posts: 1605
From: processing destination......
Registered: Sep 2008
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posted January 15, 2009 08:38 PM
"...settling in. (NOT down.)"Wow. That's been my exact phrase about marriage for years now.
It's pretty great that to know that it's not impossible IP: Logged |
future_uncertain
Knowflake Posts: 3032
From: ohio
Registered: Aug 2004
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posted January 15, 2009 09:00 PM
Heehee... it's how I sleep at night.
IP: Logged |
MyVirgoMask
Knowflake Posts: 1605
From: processing destination......
Registered: Sep 2008
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posted January 15, 2009 09:30 PM
So I'm thinking my Juno in Sagittarius has this in common with you, future  It's funny, but the older I get, the less I think of marriage as settling or compromise, and the more I view it as this living, breathing thing. All relationships are, I realize, but to me it feels like marriage for me has to be a thing of motion I am aware of, otherwise I'm asleep at the wheel or completely claustrophobic. IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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