posted January 13, 2009 01:19 PM         

I laughed and laughed, shamely thinking HSC is right my sense of humor includes laughing at fart jokes. Here's the kicker! I have a can of Pringles sitting next to me!!! Of all things!

Zala: That death clock thing is creepy, but I read the thread. Of course I didn't start laughing until I got to the depends coupon!
(I guess once you open your self to that kind of humor you go down hill fast, oh my.)

posted January 13, 2009 01:31 PM         

This is the best laugh, it is so contagious, he is so handsome, what a smile!!
Or how about this handsome guy! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I5ALIL7T764&feature=related

posted January 13, 2009 05:46 PM         

I Don't Believe You
~ Kool Keith

Yo, you're lying
He's lying.. and she's lying
My man over there he's lying
You know what? You're building up a bunch of lies
Straight lies

You got mad guns? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You got eleven cars? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You got the block scared? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
Youse a bugged thug? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You doin jail time? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You got the newest Benz? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You got the girls ready? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You movin big weight? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You cook in steel pots? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You goin on Soul Train? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You cashin royalties? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You did a video? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You smackin everybody? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You closin all deals? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You say you manage people? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
Youse a movie star? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You work with Warner Brothers? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You down with Jamie Foxx? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
Youse a druglord? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You pay your mortgage? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You datin fine chicks? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You travel solo kid? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You smackin anybody? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You got your own label? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You say you never lease? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You say your record's hot? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You workin hard lady? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You like to clock work? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You at your brother's house? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You tour with Babyface? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You mix on Ni boards? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You talk to Aaron Hall? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You play for the Charlotte Hornets? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You buyin a Rolls Royce? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You got signin power? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You makin hit records? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You say Zach's your cousin? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You sellin Knicks tickets? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You givin afterparties? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You at the Superbowl? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You bought a mansion? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You think you hype rappin? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You say you are the man? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
Your mother thinks she's fly? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You say your pops is cool? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You got your aunt a diamond? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You got the kids a gift? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You movin out to Cali? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You say you doin jacks? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You makin millions kid? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You say you sellin furniture? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You work construction? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You got your hair done? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You mess with Lauryn Hill? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You danced with James Brown? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
You own a Dodge truck? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU

posted January 14, 2009 12:59 AM         

quote:

---

That's when you become a woman; when people start coming out of your vagina and stepping on your dreams.

---

posted January 14, 2009 02:22 AM         

the part about his eating habits was good.

&

"Nooo, that's just a thing you do until you and your sh!tty ankle die."

"Kids are like buckets of diseases that live in your house."
& the part about his daughter and her secret and the rest of that bit. ROFL

"You'll DIE you idiot JUST EAT THE FOOD!"

The girls/women gone wild bit!!!!

posted January 14, 2009 08:55 AM         

Maybe this is why it seems only women's letters to Abby are printed....

Dear Abby,
I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision. I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.

The usual signs... phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."

I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi?

I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.

Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.

I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson motorcycle next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home.

It was at that moment, crouching behind my Harley, that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?

Thanks,

Joe

posted January 14, 2009 09:03 AM         

It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight
may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are first graders, 6-
year-olds, because the last one is a classic!

1. Don't change horses...............................until they stop running.
2. Strike while the.......................................bug is close.
3. It's always darkest before.......................Daylight Saving Time.
4. Never underestimate the power of ......termites.
5. You can lead a horse to water but .... ..how?
6. Don't bite the hand that ..................... looks dirty.
7. No news is............................................ impossible.
8. A miss is as good as a .........................Mr.
9. You can't teach an old dog new ...........math.
10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll ........stink in the morning.
11. Love all, trust ...................................me.
12. The pen is mightier than the ..............pigs.
13. An idle mind is.......................................the best way to relax.
14. Where there's smoke there's ............pollution.
15. Happy the bride who.............................gets all the presents.
16. A penny saved is ..............................not much.
17. Two's company, three's ...................the Musketeers
18. Don't put off till tomorrow what ........you put on to go to bed.
19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and..... you have to blow
your nose.
20. There are none so blind as ................Stevie Wonder.
21. Children should be seen and not ........spanked or grounded.
22. If at first you don't succeed ...............get new batteries.
23. You get out of something only what you..see in the picture on the box.
24. When the blind lead the blind .............get out of the way.

And the WINNER and last one!

posted January 14, 2009 09:31 AM         

A: They're both looking for a tight seal!

posted January 14, 2009 03:49 PM         

Q: "What's so sexy about twenty-three year olds?"

posted January 14, 2009 05:31 PM         

Finally I went back to work, and on my third day back I had to take care of a post open heart patient, on his first day after surgery.

NOW, there is this thing, this thing we (nurses) give folks, especially post heart surgery patients, called a "Yanker" to suction out things they might cough up...

Think of the dentist office...

SO, I am hacking and coughing, blowing and sneezing and trying to keep it all away from my patients....

Seems my patient, yesterday, knocked me off.

As I was in his room, doing this and that, things I HAD to do, places I HAD to be, trying to sublimate my coughs, he beckons me to his bedside and offers me......

HIS yanker!!!!

HA! I laughed SO hard I almost peed my pants and this man, just a bit over 24 hours after open heart surgery, attached to all kinds of tubes, wires and monitors laughed with me!