posted February 21, 2009 05:39 AM         

so... does this mean you go to places with someone just to see if you'll be interested in the person? or to see if the person is interested in you?

posted February 21, 2009 05:48 AM         

I mean "date" per say. It's a disastrous way to send yourself mad.

Maybe you could try a more casual set up where there is no pressure. Tell a friend your interested in someone & get them to invite them to a group thing, ie; bbq, bowling or whatever you like to do. IMO you get to see them interact with others & you can see how they behave, react or should I say "interact" & this will show you what he or she is truly like & if it suits you.

that way you both have fun, no pressure involved for either of you & if you decide they aren't right for you, you don't have to go about rejecting or being rejected.

posted February 21, 2009 06:00 AM         

normally i just meet someone, and i guess skip this whole "dating" thing... then the next thing i know i'm in a "relationship" with the person whether it lasts or not, whether serious or casual.

this whole "dating" culture seems so strange to me! people don't introduce guys to me, nor do i to them, it just sorta happen. maybe i sound like a dummy here, but it's a whole new world to me!

posted February 21, 2009 06:09 AM         

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easy to be deceived

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Well said.

I think at this stage of life (over 30) we tend to be aware of our normal patterns of behaviour & wish to change them at a subconscious or even conscious level, I say don't let yourself be railroaded into a relationship, however sweetly it is put to you. Learn the art of saying no sweetly but firmly.

It's time to look after yourself and that is not selfish, it's smart.

So in a nutshell; it's your life & you have the right to live it your way.

I wish you well & keep us posted on your progress yeah?

I would like to know how this journey turns out for you.

posted February 21, 2009 06:32 AM         

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this whole "dating" culture seems so strange to me! people don't introduce guys to me, nor do i to them, it just sorta happen.

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posted February 21, 2009 04:02 PM         

If you looking at "dating" as some formal thing, then of course it's tedious. If you look at it as something that occurs naturally during the course of...

quote:

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normally i just meet someone, and i guess skip this whole "dating" thing... then the next thing i know i'm in a "relationship" with the person whether it lasts or not, whether serious or casual.

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...then it's that bit where you're going out and doing stuff with that person, because it's the natural thing to do.

posted February 21, 2009 04:28 PM         

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this whole "dating" culture seems so strange to me! people don't introduce guys to me, nor do i to them, it just sorta happen.

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posted February 21, 2009 09:59 PM         

I don't 'date' someone unless I am liking them and want to get to know them better (and have been around them publicly a few times first).

That's the only time courtship begins for me.

posted February 22, 2009 01:10 AM         

yea i agree with everyone pretty much. "dating" sounds too formal... it's usually that i hang out with my friends and eventually one emerges somehow and end up as my buddy or boyfriend... you kinda feel it out and go with the flow. there's no formality. and yea as AcousticGod says it sounds real tedious...

i'm in Japan currently, and people in this country have a very peculiar dating habit. most commonly, they organize a small dinner (with the same number boys and girls ranging from 3-6 or something?). girls collect their girl friends and boys their guy friends. so if they find anyone who they click with during the dinner, they personally make contacts, AND at one point in the next few weeks to months, they must go through this huge deal called the "confession time". the person who "confesses" call the other person out to a quiet romantic location and tell him/her "i like you". and if the other person says "yes" they initiate a "relationship"...

i don't mean to make fun of their custom at all, but it sure sounds super formal! i don't think i can get into the dating circle in this country. this is an extreme example of "dating".

posted February 22, 2009 03:15 AM         

....and sue me, but I like the formality of courtship (formality meaning I get to dress up for dinner ). I like the ritual of getting to know someone the old-fashioned way (um, not too slowly though LOL). I think there's a terrible shortage of being wined and dined!
But I don't know, I actually haven't found good luck dating through friends. People get all catty in that setting. It's either too casual or too formal. It's frustrating!!!
I want a happy middle ground!!

posted February 22, 2009 04:45 AM         

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Why would anyone let someone they don't know or like take them out? Is that considered dating?

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posted February 22, 2009 04:49 AM         

Dinner at a really swanky place with excellent wine, then later going to a local drag queen dive for a beer. Later, having an early breakfast in a disheveled diner with excellent omelets

Great conversation, great food and wine, unique experience, and fun. I'd do this by myself or with friends, but it was made all the better on a date with someone who sort of knew me. This was 15 years ago. We never became romantically involved, but became good friends.

posted February 22, 2009 09:29 AM         

i think certain ritualistic elements keep thing exciting. but too much of it i'm just like, "why!?!?"

i've never had so-called "dates", but i do like nice night out to good restaurants etc. this especially sounds sweet and cute because it's not something i do often generally. it's something that's "cute" if i can do it with someone who's already close to me, not someone i don't even know yet whether i like him or not...! i can't relax like that.

posted February 22, 2009 09:43 AM         

Strolling the Medieval Fairs in full costume, or dancing at a costumed masked ball.
And carpet picnics with various food themes, Greek, Italian, and so forth, even ancient Rome complete with togas!
Christmas time dates, making snow angels and snowmen together, then sitting on a park bench or snowdrift covered in a blanket, sipping hot cappuccinos or Irish creame spiked coca with gloved hands warming from them, and talking and laughing....and feeding the birds too with a huge bag of popcorn. (Oh yeah, doing that by the lake in any season is fun, the seagulls are a trip!)
Such dates are fun and light hearted, and bring a childlike element to a date and makes conversation much easier!
Or really simple things like an old fashioned picnic in the middle of a wheat field, with a pastoral view of rolling hills and fields and trees, below and a sky filled with those picture perfect clouds!
Or a picnic sitting on a pier in a lake in a forest at dawn as the nature is waking to the new day, and the mists rise up from the water, and mourning doves coo far off....and then the sun bursts forth in a dazzling display of sunbeams, as we sat close and talked or even sat smiling at it all and each other in silence...no words required.
OK...I could go on and on but there you have it!

posted February 22, 2009 10:17 AM         

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I think, as Lexx brilliantly says, if you click, you click. Simple formula, but it's spot on.

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posted February 23, 2009 07:36 AM         

my ideal "date" would be something like this.

my new date doesn't show up on time and 30 minutes later i get kidnapped into a helicopter by men with black glasses and taken to some mysterious hideout at an exotic location. then i break out of the prison and run into the date who came to beat up the bad guys. and then we find the buried treasure of the ancients and steal back the bad guys' helicopter and fly back home and fall in love.

posted February 23, 2009 12:42 PM         

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either people want to spend time together or they don't. Why overthink it?

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