posted March 05, 2009 12:11 PM         

The last 3 weeks have being the most stressful time for me.. One of my best friends was raped a year ago and the case has just been organize and the court day is next month.. I am a wittness as I was with her before and after.. now I have to go to court and that is a little scary for me I am 21 and I just find the whole idea of sitting there a little intimidating.. because I know both people.

I just came back from a holiday and have not being able to find a job or get a source of incame so I am a little financially low.. and that is really stressful.. because I have try to make whatever I have last as much as possible.

I am studying psychology and I seriously not concentrating enough.. I dont have the motivation or concentration to study at the moment and is driving me crazy.. coz I dont want to let myself down, This has being my dream for a long time now. I am scared of not being able to do the best that I can.. I know it sounds crazy but that is just how I feel.

I found out that the guys who I was dating at the time was dating someone else who I know.. and even though me and her confronted him.. they talked about things and kind of just put the blame of me because apparently I knew they had something.. I know they had something before I just didnt know they were still together coz he told me they had broken up!!

A week ago I saw one of my friends who I had known for the last 5 years we have a strange friendship because we talk alot for a period of time and then we dont and then we do again, but saying that we have a close friendship.. he actually gave a nickname "cookie" and we call each other "cookie". He loves making me angry and annoying me about little things, like he will twist my words around just to annoy me or he would start a conversation and know that I dont want to say something but he will take it out of me, When I get ****** off he says that I am sexy when I get angry. I was meant to meet him the day before but I couldnt and he complain about it 3 times. Any way Me and a few of his friends and my friends went out and my friends were asking what was happening between me and him and I said nothing coz I didnt think about it that way.. even though I have liked him ever since we met I just never though he would be interested in me. We had a great night and me and him danced all of it, we were dancing rather close and personal.
At the end of the night when we were in the taxi on our way home, my friend asked him in front of me if he likes me and he said yes I like her alot and he asked me what I thought about it.. and I just couldnt deal with it and told him, he asked me again.. and I said not now I cant.. and when he get out of the car he hugs me and holds me and I told him to let go.. when I asked him about the next day he said well I obviously like you but like you said we are just friends and even though if there is more to it you just got out of a really bad relationship and what about 6 months? (He wants me and has challenged me for the last 5 years to say single for months and I accepted his challenge) I said I wanted to know and he just told me that if it wouldnt make a difference then why should it matter.
After that a few days later I told him I liked him over the over.. he asked me 100 question.. and one in particular 3 time : What do you want to happen?
I was honest with him and told him I wanted to spend more time with him and wait the 6 months which he challenged me to and get together.. he said he loved my honest but he was confused because I said to him I like him for a while now but I had just broken up with my bf. I explain to him that I didnt have the guts to tell him before and that I didnt know how to either and that I didnt want to ruin out friendship.
He said he wants to talk about this in person and we will arrange a time.
We have talked normally after that.. he even spoke to my mother on the phone the other as it was his request.

Now I have no idea what to think or what to expect and it has been playing in my mind really bad..

Any way thanks for taking the time to read this and for letting me take all this out of my mind, if you guys have any advice on anything or have anything to say at all please.. you are more than welcome.

posted March 05, 2009 01:29 PM         

But maybe all this uncertainty is giving you something to worry about that isn't the impending court case. It would make sense ~ but you're the psychology student, you tell me!

Now why not take your mind off all of it by burying yourself in a good book, preferably one related to your studies. I can tell you, it works for me.

posted March 05, 2009 04:02 PM           

I don't have time to leave a reply just yet ( It will be a long one ) I will get back to you in about 2 hours ok, I have to do mummy duty unfortunately but will be with you soon.

posted March 05, 2009 08:50 PM           

You wouldn't believe how many times I have tried to send my response to you.....at least 10 times & it will not go through. At first I thought it was the site playing up but no, I can post elsewhere so I believe that my message isn't the one you need to hear.

posted March 06, 2009 02:27 AM         

You are being witness to your friend's court case and also struggling financially. You are studying, but are distracted by all the stressful things going on around you. You're 21 and I think "Gee, are you doing all of this on your own???" For a start I think young adulthood is tough. You are expected to just get on with life with an expectation that you'll be okay. At your age, not many people have financial strength. If you are a student, then your money situation will be tough.

No wonder you're feeling stressed!!!!

I think about guys who tease and have two minds about why they do this. The first idea is that it's their way to show they like you, want to get close and by getting bites and stirring you up, is instigating an interaction of some sort. An interaction is better than no reaction. In my opinion, there is a lack of social skill that comes with this type of teasing. But he may mature and learn how to reach out using kinder and more thoughtful ways.

My other thought, is that this is a warning of abusive behaviour. That is, he won't change and grow with maturity, but will wear you down until your self-esteem has diminished.

That's all I have time for, but I'll come back. I have a family dinner to go to.

posted March 06, 2009 07:06 AM         

Why do you think you can't focus on your long time dream of studying psychology? What's distracting you from it? Is is being short of cash? Not knowing about the certainty of a new relationship with that guy you've known for 5 years?

You said you were scared of not being able to do the best you can. Is this fear immobilising you from moving ahead with your studies? Are you fearing failure? Or are you just too tired with everything and know that you can't work to your full potential?

What do you need to do in order to adopt the right mindframe for succesful study? Take a break from it? Prepare a study schedule? Talk to your study centre's Guidance Officer? Will having a part-time job take a bulk of the stress out for you?

Also, I'm hoping you don't feel alone with your friend and her bad experience. You are there to support, but also remember there has to be a boundary where you look after yourself and not let your life be effected. One man damaged a woman's life, let it not be two women.

I know there are a lot of questions there, but what is the first thing you would like to sort out to get yourself onto the path of your long time dream?

**Study?
**Relationship?
**Friend's court case?
**Part-time job?

posted March 06, 2009 07:13 AM         

Good to see people have chipped in with replies of more emotional depth, but there you go, that was my honest first thought on that one.

Now let's see if that goes through....

.... there you go. It did.

posted March 06, 2009 07:34 AM         

I think you have the strength inside yourself to say no to the things that you don't really want to do. And to focus purely on those things that do hold your heart.

Support your friend, but do not take on her troubles. All those things outside yourself will soon pass. The things that you are learning now, will carry your work in the future. The work that you do on yourself (inside yourself) will show you how you can relate to others in the deepest way - where you can see into them and help them in ways that they need to be helped. You are highly emphatic and take on the troubles of others, when they are not yours. You can only give what you can give. When you give too much of yourself, you deplete your own energies and then having nothing left, to be of any use to anyone, yourself included.

Just remember that you have choices. And in saying yes to someone when you want to say no, you end up disliking yourself for not having the courage to stand by your own convictions. But when you say no to someone else, and it is your truth and what you really want, and at the risk of them being angry with you or even dislking you or ending the relationship/friendship, you will feel better about who you are because you can like yourself for standing up for yourself and standing by your own desires. When you really love and desire someone - there is no tomorrow - your heart yearns for now - you wouldn't be able to wait 6 months or any amount of time. I think what blue moon has said to you makes enormous sense.

Take some time to yourself. Get away from everyone and that distance will help you regain some clarity. Find what it is that you're feeling and desiring. And then return refreshed and dedicated - to yourself and your own dreams and vision. And focus on you and your needs, above anyone elses right now.

posted March 06, 2009 08:10 AM         

Wow when I came online and saw all the replies I felt really good.. I just wanted to let it all out.. I didnt really expect the support I go.

At the moment I am so confused but I will get back to you and answer some of the questions some of you asked me.

I just wanted you guys to know that I am okay.. I am just trying to study at the moment I will get back later!!

posted March 08, 2009 08:36 AM         

I will start getting my gov. payments as a student in about 3 weeks times,that will help but for now I am struggling.

I still dont know what to do with the feelings about what happen with my ex. I stil feel numb about the whole situation.

About my friend.. well I talked to him.. and he pretty much gave me the understanding that he just doesnt want to be the rebound guy and that he is just feeling insecure and afraid of the situation, so that we should stay as friends. Right now I am just plain angry with him and I just dont know what to think really.. I am confused.

I feel really alone actually.. I just want someone to hug me and comfort me right now.. I feel that everything is just too much for me to deal with at the moment, but it will soon pass, I hope.

-Koiflower
I am doing all this on my own...
I cant focus because of being short of cash and because of everything else that is going.

A part time job will add too much stress and I already have enough stress.. I tried it last semester and didnt quiet work.. I will actually try to get a study schedule and organize myself better.

I am scared of failure and I am also extremely tired at the moment actually.. my whole body is aching today.

When I was younger a man who is meant to be my cousin also damage my life.. that is why the court case seems to be a lot more stressful, I have the case itself to deal with and my own history.

The 1st thing I want to sort out is my studies.. I just wish I could get my word done.. like right now, I was reading some school stuff like blue moon suggested but I finish and I did not get anything.. nothing sunk in.. I dont want to take a break because.. I feel that I might no came back to it.

-PeaceAngel,
Some of the things you said really hit home.. one of my closest friends actually was going off at me becuase he believes that I do too much for other people and I forget to do things for myself.. that I should start doing what I want and the things I want for myself.

-Spunknini
May be it was not the right time yet..

-Writesomething
I loved that song it said so manythings.. I am trying to work on letting go.

Thanks for the support!!
CSG

posted March 11, 2009 07:02 AM         

Bluemoon made a comment that I had only been thinking about that day.....

quote:

---

When life has been at it's hardest I have just gone and laid down somewhere and done nothing

---

This is exactly what I have done in the past when I was going through my toughest times.

One psalm that got me through was "Be still and know that I am God". By resting and looking after my health and leaving it up to the Universe, the hardest bits melted away. Life has an uncanny way of working out. Nothing ever stays the same.

I just wanted to share that thought with you. I hope things are looking up and you got that cuddle you really needed.

posted June 02, 2009 01:44 AM         

I need help.. so bad.. things dont get better then just seems to move around. Hard to explain really.
I have this great deep void.. emptiness.. black whole inside of me.. like something is deeply missing.. and I dont know what it is.. I am not depressed.
Sometimes I feel like there's a hole inside of me, an emptiness that at times seems to burn.. and I feel that I so strong because I feel that if any one could see and feel what I feel they would have gone crazy.. I feel that my pain is enough to end the world. Iam happy and I am doing a lot of things but I can feel the void present.
I feel that there is a big purpous and Im missing it.. I am lettin it go by but I really dont know what it is.