posted November 18, 2004 02:40 AM         

How interesting about the word "radio". I was going to try to work that into the original Lexigram I did. But it didnt seem to want to fit in. For some reason, I felt I still had to post that word along with the others that I didnt fit in. I'm glad I decided to do that now. I took a quick peek at that website. Is this something you are thinking about doing - or do now? It sounds fabulous.

Well, I cant wait to hear the rest of your story. And I'm so glad you feel at home here. There are alot of beautiful people here and alot to learn. I think I read that you are a Leo in another post. I Leo's!! And it makes even more sense now, that the word LION came up in the lexi I did.

posted November 18, 2004 01:59 PM         

T26, awww LION is there, huh? LoL!

posted November 19, 2004 03:50 PM         

M AAA R C I B O L N D

I'M IN LIMBO
I ROAM
ON AN OLD ROAD
IN A COMA
IN A COLD CABIN
IN A MIND BIND
BLIND
IN AN IRON CLAD CRIB
IRON BAR(s)
NO BAIL

This refers to my suffering from depression.
I've been seriously depressed literally all
my life. It started with growing up and witnessing my father abusing my mother, then
my mother dying when I was 6 years old, and still to this day not knowing if my dad was in anyway responsible for her death and becoming obese after the death of my mother, through my grandmother(died in 2001) that spoiled me with food instead of finding alternative ways in comfort. I attempted suicide when I was 12,
at 15 dropped out of highschool.Between the ages of 15-18; in a "cold cabin" I always kept my windows and fan open in my room during the winter I craved the cold. In an "iron clad crib" I kept myself locked in my room, away from the world, ashamed, depressed."in a mind bind" in my own head away from the world, "in a coma" drinking alchohol everyother night.

A CON MAN
A MAD MAN
A LIAR, A MANIAC
MORBID AND BAD
AN ABNORMAL DRAMA

A "con man" my uncle Anthony, whom resided in California. He was literally a con artist,
I remember him taking a credit card out in my grandma's name unbeknownst to her. Whenever, he happened to visit NY to see us,
he'd find some excuse (this happened primarily between the ages of 8-12) to beat me up, call me fat and ugly, and tell me I
was never going to be **** .
"A mad man" my granfather, whom became blind
before I was born, was extremely mentally abusive (I lived with my grandparents) used
to yell "Ernest killed Sharon!!" (referring
to my dad killing my mom) whenever he got upset with me, he, too furthermore reminded me that I'd never be **** (he died in 1996.
Sigh . . . "a liar a maniac" My uncle Oliver
and aunt Wanda (Wanda died in 2000) Oliver
was similar to Anthony, except he lived in NY and therefore that meant he was over more
often and he often physically and mentally abused me until one day when I was 14 I cracked and nearly stabbed him with a butcher's knife. He stayed away from me after, he was such a liar, but what and why is a whole other story. My aunt Wanda was a drug addict that suffered from depression. She would love me one minute and hate me the next . . .sigh for nothing, all for f*cking nothing!
"Morbid and Bad" the perfect description for
my family. "An Abnormal Drama" self explanatory.

This mental abuse f'd me up so badly that my
weight problem progressed into bulimia which
I still battle to this day. Not to mention
extreme self esteem issues.

ALARM!!

I RAN
I BAIL
I'M BOLD AND RADICAL

LoL this is when I was 20. My time for redemption. I finally lost all of my weight
and I started to become social and somewhat
promiscuous (sp?). That was the year I got 2 different tattoos and one piercing. I was
"out there" partied hard, drank hard . .etc

*,.+>.,;'*.,+.,*-'+

A CALM RAIN .... -my Grandma dying, no longer suffering, bittersweet,
...
.....

I'M RID-of my family

OM

I'M BORN - IN AMOR

I'M BORN!!!
A BIRD

A BIRD IN AMOR
After my Grandma died, I changed. I had no excuses to deal with my family, so I didn't.
I felt like I was free, but was afraid to get close to anyone in fear of losing them again ("bird in armor") so I prorected myself
by not opening up.

A ROBIN AND A CARDINAL
A LION AND A LAMB
A LIBRA AND A RAM

AN OLD AROMA
A BRIDAL BIND

Lion, Libra, and Ram were 3 pivotal loves in my life. LoL I can say Lamb because I had a
baby with the Ram (but are rams and lambs the same? derr . . LoL)

*,.+>.,;'*.,+.,*-'+

ARCANA - CARD (tarot)

studied tarot for 3 years

CRAB (Cancer/the Moon card?)

I dunno, but my son is a cancer

A COIL
A COBRA
A BOA
(Kundalini?)

I know what this is, but don't know why is here, perhaps this is something I will embark in the future.

RNA
DNA
CABALA
MANDALA
DR(E)AM

A MORAL?

A BOND AND A BIND
A CORD TO THE LORD

CLIMB AND CLAIM
OMNI MIND

This last part is a mistery. The only thing that looks familiar is Cabala, I'm currently
reading a book by one of the Kabbalah leaders
and am actually reviewing it with one of the
Kabbalah by phone.

Whew, okies. You guys know me now, you guys know my heart

Have a grrreeaaaatt weekend all!