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Author Topic:   ARE YOU A LEXOPHILE?
Bluemoon
unregistered
posted March 24, 2005 06:49 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
FOR ALL YOU LEXOPHILES (LOVERS
OF WORDS)

1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired.
2. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.)
3. Time flies like an arrow -- Fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backward poet writes inverse.
5. In a democracy, it's your vote that counts; In feudalism,
it's your count that votes.
6. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
7. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll
show you A-flat minor.
10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
11. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is
fully recovered.
12. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would
result in Linoleum Blownapart.
13. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
14. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
15. He often broke into song because he couldn't find
the key.
16. Every calendar's days are numbered.
17. A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and 'taint mine.
18. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
19. He had a photographic memory that was never
developed.
20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
21. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison
was a small medium at large.
22. Those who get too big for their britches will be
exposed in the end.
23. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen
a mall.
24. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
25. When an actress saw her first strands of gray
hair she thought she'd dye.
26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
27. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
28. Acupuncture is a jab well done.
29. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the
agony of defeat.

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SunChild
unregistered
posted March 24, 2005 07:02 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
7. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

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Everlong
unregistered
posted March 24, 2005 07:18 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I love those!

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Bluemoon
unregistered
posted March 24, 2005 08:35 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
palindromes

Sex at noon taxes.
Sex at my gym taxes.
Sex often: I met foxes.
Sex-aware era waxes.
Six ate nine taxis.
Sex Alert: "Ella, my mallet relaxes!"
See referees
See, we prefer pewees
Sela Ward did draw ales
Selma, I am Les
Seen knees
Sh! Tom sees moths.
Sis, ask Costner to not rent socks "as is"!
Snug all L.A. guns!
Slap my gym pals.
Sleep on no peels.
So, camera solos are MacOS?
Solo gigolos.
Solos
"Some deer fees!" I say as I see free demos.
Son, I sack casinos!
Spay dogs as God yaps.
So, Mama, I won--now I am Amos!
So I dare to Ned, "Denote radios!"
Stack cats
Star comedy by Democrats
Star sees rats
Sue, yes, God's dogs eye us
Stella won no wallets.
Step on no pets.
Swap for a pair of paws?
Swap paws.
Swen nixes sex in news.
Straw warts

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neptune's mermaid
unregistered
posted March 24, 2005 08:37 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

Those are great Bluemoon
"Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll
show you A-flat minor."

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Bluemoon
unregistered
posted March 24, 2005 09:57 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yes, I love things like that! You sound cheerier, NepMaid!!! Happy to see it!!

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26taurus
unregistered
posted March 24, 2005 10:29 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Those were a riot! Thanks bluemoon.

The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison
was a small medium at large.

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neptune's mermaid
unregistered
posted March 25, 2005 06:26 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi Bluemoon
Yes, I’m feeling much better. I’m getting over my blues. NepMaid, I really like that thanks honey

Hi 26

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Yang
unregistered
posted March 25, 2005 10:20 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Ahh brilliant, brilliant (claps hands)

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laglady
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posted March 25, 2005 10:47 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
lol

i totally copy pasted that and emailed to everyone. awesome stuff

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Philbird
Newflake

Posts: 1
From: Douglas AZ. USA
Registered: Jun 2011

posted March 25, 2005 12:11 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Philbird     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks for the laugh BM! I liked #6!

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Sheaa Olein
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posted July 20, 2005 10:16 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
*bumped* Brilliant, needed the laugh!

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Saturn's Child
unregistered
posted July 20, 2005 12:24 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Oh, thank you for bumping! I had totally missed this! How funny!

quote:
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would
result in Linoleum Blownapart.


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yourfriendinspirit
unregistered
posted March 03, 2008 07:23 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
An oldie but a goodie
Bumpin'

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Kal_El
Knowflake

Posts: 26
From: Rainy City
Registered: Nov 2009

posted March 03, 2008 09:25 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Kal_El     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
haha. some of these had me laughing out loud. thank you.
especially this one:

7. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

------------------
Scio me nihil scire
tanslation- I know that I know Nothing

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HRH-FishAreFish
Knowflake

Posts: 1258
From: Neptune next to Mike & Pluto
Registered: May 2013

posted July 29, 2014 01:58 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for HRH-FishAreFish     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think "Weird Al" Yankovic just might be a lexophile.

A prime example is his song "Bob", which consists of rhyming palindromes parodying Bob Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues".

Here's a link to the video on YouTube... "Weird Al" Yankovic - Bob

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Ellynlvx
Knowflake

Posts: 10490
From: the Point of Light within the Mind of God
Registered: Aug 2013

posted July 29, 2014 02:57 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ellynlvx     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Palindromes are Ionic Capitals.

In Verse.

Are they all esses up there?

And I do wish you would please quit teasing me.

I Love Weird Al.

Only wish I could watch *cries copious tears*

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Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 156777
From: I hold a Juris Doctorate (J.D.) and a Legum Magister (LL.M.)!
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 30, 2014 10:35 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

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HRH-FishAreFish
Knowflake

Posts: 1258
From: Neptune next to Mike & Pluto
Registered: May 2013

posted July 30, 2014 09:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for HRH-FishAreFish     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Ellynlvx:

I Love Weird Al.

Only wish I could watch *cries copious tears*


Here's a couple stills from the video for you... *windows leaking with laughter*


(Lisa Bonet legally changed her name to Lilakoi Moon, but I think she still goes by Lisa Bonet professionally.)

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Ellynlvx
Knowflake

Posts: 10490
From: the Point of Light within the Mind of God
Registered: Aug 2013

posted July 30, 2014 09:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ellynlvx     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Cool!

That was so kind of you.

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Randall
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Posts: 156777
From: I hold a Juris Doctorate (J.D.) and a Legum Magister (LL.M.)!
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 31, 2014 02:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Interesting.

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Randall
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From: I hold a Juris Doctorate (J.D.) and a Legum Magister (LL.M.)!
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posted August 30, 2014 01:09 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

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Ellynlvx
Knowflake

Posts: 10490
From: the Point of Light within the Mind of God
Registered: Aug 2013

posted September 01, 2014 05:39 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ellynlvx     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Maybe he'll do this one.

Bet RA would have a field day with it.

quote:

"Bob Dylan's 115th Dream"

I was riding on the Mayflower
When I thought I spied some land
I yelled for Captain Arab
I have yuh understand
Who came running to the deck
Said, “Boys, forget the whale
Look on over yonder
Cut the engines
Change the sail
Haul on the bowline”
We sang that melody
Like all tough sailors do
When they are far away at sea

“I think I’ll call it America”
I said as we hit land
I took a deep breath
I fell down, I could not stand
Captain Arab he started
Writing up some deeds
He said, “Let’s set up a fort
And start buying the place with beads”
Just then this cop comes down the street
Crazy as a loon
He throw us all in jail
For carryin’ harpoons

Ah me I busted out
Don’t even ask me how
I went to get some help
I walked by a Guernsey cow
Who directed me down
To the Bowery slums
Where people carried signs around
Saying, “Ban the bums”
I jumped right into line
Sayin’, “I hope that I’m not late”
When I realized I hadn’t eaten
For five days straight

I went into a restaurant
Lookin’ for the cook
I told them I was the editor
Of a famous etiquette book
The waitress he was handsome
He wore a powder blue cape
I ordered some suzette, I said
“Could you please make that crepe”
Just then the whole kitchen exploded
From boilin’ fat
Food was flying everywhere
And I left without my hat

Now, I didn’t mean to be nosy
But I went into a bank
To get some bail for Arab
And all the boys back in the tank
They asked me for some collateral
And I pulled down my pants
They threw me in the alley
When up comes this girl from France
Who invited me to her house
I went, but she had a friend
Who knocked me out
And robbed my boots
And I was on the street again

Well, I rapped upon a house
With the U.S. flag upon display
I said, “Could you help me out
I got some friends down the way”
The man says, “Get out of here
I’ll tear you limb from limb”
I said, “You know they refused Jesus, too”
He said, “You’re not Him
Get out of here before I break your bones
I ain’t your pop”
I decided to have him arrested
And I went looking for a cop

I ran right outside
And I hopped inside a cab
I went out the other door
This Englishman said, “Fab”
As he saw me leap a hot dog stand
And a chariot that stood
Parked across from a building
Advertising brotherhood
I ran right through the front door
Like a hobo sailor does
But it was just a funeral parlor
And the man asked me who I was

I repeated that my friends
Were all in jail, with a sigh
He gave me his card
He said, “Call me if they die”
I shook his hand and said goodbye
Ran out to the street
When a bowling ball came down the road
And knocked me off my feet
A pay phone was ringing
It just about blew my mind
When I picked it up and said hello
This foot came through the line

Well, by this time I was fed up
At tryin’ to make a stab
At bringin’ back any help
For my friends and Captain Arab
I decided to flip a coin
Like either heads or tails
Would let me know if I should go
Back to ship or back to jail
So I hocked my sailor suit
And I got a coin to flip
It came up tails
It rhymed with sails
So I made it back to the ship

Well, I got back and took
The parkin’ ticket off the mast
I was ripping it to shreds
When this coastguard boat went past
They asked me my name
And I said, “Captain Kidd”
They believed me but
They wanted to know
What exactly that I did
I said for the Pope of Eruke
I was employed
They let me go right away
They were very paranoid

Well, the last I heard of Arab
He was stuck on a whale
That was married to the deputy
Sheriff of the jail
But the funniest thing was
When I was leavin’ the bay
I saw three ships a-sailin’
They were all heading my way
I asked the captain what his name was
And how come he didn’t drive a truck
He said his name was Columbus
I just said, “Good luck”

Copyright © 1965 by Warner Bros. Inc.; renewed 1993 by Special Rider Music


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Randall
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From: I hold a Juris Doctorate (J.D.) and a Legum Magister (LL.M.)!
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posted September 20, 2014 01:16 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

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Ellynlvx
Knowflake

Posts: 10490
From: the Point of Light within the Mind of God
Registered: Aug 2013

posted September 20, 2014 05:10 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ellynlvx     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Randall:

It's Pretty Funny.

Even Dylan cracks up...

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