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Author Topic:   wondering...confronting trust issues in a relationship...help! (LONG)
Virgo-AriesArtist
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Posts: 1350
From: USA
Registered: Nov 2001

posted March 06, 2006 04:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Virgo-AriesArtist     Edit/Delete Message
I haven't usually brought my relationship ponderings here...but I could use someone else's take on this...
Ok, so I'm sorta seeing this really awesome guy, whose name is Brian. We met while working for WDW on an internship, and we were friends for almost 6 months before I found out he liked me, or 'had a thing for me', as the mutual friend who hooked us up put it.
The two weeks we were seeing each other before the internship ended were amazing, and I learned alot about trusting. (and no, I didn't sleep with him, but did make out). I'd never kissed anyone before him, and he was totally cool with that. We both shared alot about ourselves, a bit more than I had known before and I could tell he trusted me too.
Anyway, it was incredibly hard to leave him when the internship ended, and we both had to go back to our separate places (me to Michigan and him to Puerto Rico). He called me constantly during the two day train ride back and told me how much he missed me.
We've been talking almost every day since, and we've exchanged e-mail cards, short letters, and been supportive through each other's challenges in daily lives. Then, I went down to Puerto Rico this past week to visit him on my spring break. Once he found out I was coming, he was so excited and anxious. While I was down there, we had an awesome time...I met his family (and had his mother tell me I was a 'very nice girl', I blended in just like family, and that next time I should bring my family down with me when I come), met a lot of his friends (a few already were saying things like 'next time you come down here, let me know ahead of time and we can go see...'), saw a whole bunch of gorgeous places on the island, and of course had some nice time just being around Brian...he was contantly holding my hand.
I got really emotional the last evening I was there, I just suddenly felt really insecure and vulnerable. I basically said I was really going to miss him, and every time I love something too much, it goes away, which has been very true in my life. We had lots of foster kids come through our home when I was younger, and every time I would get attached, they would be taken away or moved. I've had friends I've cared about alot and they go away too. He said, "Kathleen, you know I love you, and asked "Are you afraid that after this trip you won't see me again?", and I said, as I sobbed, "I don't know". I was a total mess that night after he left, and it was a struggle to keep from crying the next morning when he drove me to the airport, and sometimes tears just rolled down my cheeks slowly as I tried to hold them back and hide them. He could tell I was upset (he's got a Cancer rising), and he was really quiet, more so than usual. As we parted before I went into the airport, he gave me a hug and a kiss, said 'I love you', which I said back. I sorta, lightly as I could muster, asked "come visit me?"...and he said "maybe". I kept my composure until I got into the airport, and half-sobbed, half-slept the whole plane ride. He left me a voicemail, 30 minutes after he'd dropped me off, but which I didn't get til the plane landed, which said he had a fantastic time, and he might, might plan a trip up to visit me if he could get another job (he just lost his a couple of weeks ago) and save up some money.
I'm trying so hard not to be so insecure, cause he hasn't given me any indication that he would hurt me, but I have trouble believing it sometimes...it's just me, I know, being myself, and learning that not everyone is out to let me down. I trust him more than I have trusted anyone else, guy-wise, and it's so scary. I love talking to him, and I find myself being more open and upfront because he can handle it, which makes me content. My family loves how he takes care of me, I mean, like opens doors, checks up on me when I am traveling, generally is such a gentleman. I guess I have trouble not knowing how serious he takes this all...I take my love very seriously and don't say "I love you" to just anybody who is not family or a super close friend. He's someone I could see myself marrying and raising kids with and that freaks me out a little. It feels incredibly real. I don't want to push him, and I'm all for taking this slow, but it's hard not knowing the future..especially for a Virgo, hehe.
I was wondering if anyone might be able to take a look at our charts and give me their perspective on this relationship...I'd just like to see what astrology says cause I can't be properly objective doing the charts myself, LOL.
You have my eternal gratitude, and of course, love and lite
Oh, and feel free to ask any additonal questions...
Here's the info
Brian
05/25/1984
81w42, 41n30
8:11 AM

Me
09/12/1985
82w55, 42n23
8:23 PM

------------------
-K
"...poetry is the subtle alchemy of a sensitive soul

like hell it is

poetry is what squeezes out of you
when you've been squashed by Life, like a bug" ~Gooberz

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pixelpixie
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Posts: 3202
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted March 07, 2006 01:04 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for pixelpixie     Edit/Delete Message
awwwww.. hon, to love is to be vulnerable.... it can't be helped, it is equal mixture of joy and insecurity.... hopefully the joy is seen more. MIxed more...
I am glad you are experiencing such love.
Don't worry, it'll all work out.
It's okay to be vulnerable..... he is too.
It's okay to feel such pain in love as well.. it is natural, you miss him and need assurances.
Just trust your instincts and try to rationalize where you so understand the roots of the feeling.. If you understand, you can communicate better.
Be real, expect real.

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sthenri
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Posts: 4071
From: Generic New England City
Registered: May 2003

posted March 07, 2006 04:58 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sthenri     Edit/Delete Message
Virgoartist, now is a time to be a fighter, have strength and stay in touch with him. Don't give up because then it will be giving up on yourself-but be patient with the situation-

Love yourself,

Take care,
Natasha

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Virgo-AriesArtist
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Posts: 1350
From: USA
Registered: Nov 2001

posted March 07, 2006 03:44 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Virgo-AriesArtist     Edit/Delete Message
Good point, pix...the vulnerablity is something I'm working on being more OK with...it's a hard uphill battle...I am glad to have this love. The 'don't worry' part is like telling a Virgo not to breathe, but I need to hear it all the same...I guess it's not easy to remember how vulneralble he is too, I mean, I sense it, but he's so closed sometimes, a guy thing I suppose. I have trouble being honest with him about how vulnerable I feel, it's hard to broach it, I barely was able to when I was face-to-face with him, and even then, it was like tearing that confession out of me, even if he was able to sense a hesitancy about me during the whole trip.
I feel like I want to do a total image makeover on myself, create a new image of me that doesn't show her vulnerability as easily, so I can stop crying in my head. The image makeover might make me feel stronger about being me, almost like I don't have to be that girl that was getting all unglued, something drasric just to say to me and the world, look, no one can make me stay the same, I can cut my hair and dye it if I feel like it (not that I would, but a thought), sorta thumb my nose at what others think the 'me' they know is. This girl wouldn't need reassurances about others loving her, she would be self-sufficient and self-contained. Polished, and together, with only time in her day for those who made themselves known and sought out her attention, sent her cards, bought her pretty things, wrote her letters spontaneously. I know I'm sounding childish, Aries/Leo and self-centered, I just miss him terribly, and I'm afraid to appear clingy and weak, so scared to tell him that I need to hear from him every day, cause it keeps me believing in love, our love. Thank you for the warm words of wisdom, pix.

Natasha, I feel alone when he doesn't call...it ****** me off. I want so much to fight for this, and yet the lack of cummunication during this blasted Merc retrograde is terrifying. I'm trying with all my heart to be patient. I have the urge to rub it in his face that I am busy, I have a active life and he'll have to make time in my day, which is sorta true, but it's more a response to that I feel like I'm being kept dangling. Thank you for the encouragement, dear Taurus.

to you both!

------------------
-K
"...poetry is the subtle alchemy of a sensitive soul

like hell it is

poetry is what squeezes out of you
when you've been squashed by Life, like a bug" ~Gooberz

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Virgo-AriesArtist
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Posts: 1350
From: USA
Registered: Nov 2001

posted March 08, 2006 10:18 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Virgo-AriesArtist     Edit/Delete Message
::bump:: for an astrology chart perspective...? s'il vous plait?

------------------
-K
"...poetry is the subtle alchemy of a sensitive soul

like hell it is

poetry is what squeezes out of you
when you've been squashed by Life, like a bug" ~Gooberz

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purple_scorp
Knowflake

Posts: 359
From: Australia
Registered: Sep 2004

posted March 09, 2006 04:56 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for purple_scorp     Edit/Delete Message
Hey Virgo-AriesArtist,

sorry, I have no chart interpretation but I just wanted to send you a hug (((((Virgo-AriesArtist))))).

It sounds as though you have fallen quite deeply for this man and, love at any level is such a beautiful thing.

But, it's also a risk. Especially when it gets to the "I love you" stage. I mean, what if one of you says it and the other one doesn't say it back? Or, how can you tell if the other person isn't just saying it to pacify you?

Sometimes our mind can imagine the worst things to the point where they actually manifest. I wouldn't stress too much when he doesn't contact you. There could be good reasons.

I am very honest in my communication, so if it was me, I would probably tell him how much I love to hear from him every day. (Kind of twist it around to be a win-win situation, rather than it seeming like a nag....not that I'm saying that's what it might appear......but....well, I think you know what I'm getting at.)

Though it's not much consolation at this point, you just have to have faith and pass your worries over to the Universe for resolution.

Good luck.

with love
purple_scorp

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Virgo-AriesArtist
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Posts: 1350
From: USA
Registered: Nov 2001

posted March 09, 2006 09:58 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Virgo-AriesArtist     Edit/Delete Message
Hi purple_scorp...aww...don't worry about not having a chart imterpretation, it's just nice to have some support. I love hugs, so thank you very much for your warm hug . Yes, I have fallen in love with him, and just plain love him from the bottom of my heart. Funny thing is, he's already said 'I love you', I mean, back when we had been seeing each other only a week, the day after Christmas (26th)...but I've known him so long and trust so much, it felt perfectly natural to hear it and I lovingly returned the sentiment. It's OK for me to care for him this intensely and profoundly...that's the lesson I am learning right now. Yes, stuff has been going on in his life that had nothing to do with me, this I find out this morning, crazy stuff that's making him seriously reconsider moving out of his parents' house. I sent him a warm and encouraging e-card, so perhaps there will be a better time to mention I like daily contact, but it's not an issue right now, cause there's drama going on in his life and he generally calls more often needing reassurace (which I am finally learning he is more than willing to give me too, he said so, that I should call him if I am upset and he is more than wiling to listen).

I have faith, for it is the strongest thing I can tangibly hold onto...that and my love for him.
Appreciate your warm words, friend.

------------------
-K
"...poetry is the subtle alchemy of a sensitive soul

like hell it is

poetry is what squeezes out of you
when you've been squashed by Life, like a bug" ~Gooberz

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