posted October 14, 2006 01:56 AM
Hi there all!!
It has been awhile since I have been to Linda Land, but I recently had an experience that brought me right back here to share and learn.
All those things that older people tell you about love...like "love will find you" or "love happens when you least expect it". Those sayings used to irritate me, but they are true. I still don't know if I believe in love at first sight, but I think I got as close to it as I ever will again.
And I just wanted to share my story here in Linda Land where others might relate, might not judge or put down my mushy love story. And maybe you can give me some insight.
So my heart still hurts today and if I new at the time that it would hurt this much I never would have written my number on that bar napkin and given it to my girlfriend to give to him as we left the bar. Looking back, it was not a conscious effort...it was more mechanical, it did not seem like I was given the option to leave without making contact with him. Now I am not trying to imply that there was anything to do with fate, but I am just telling what happened.
It was girls night out as are most nights when I go out. There were about 5 of us and we were having a great time. It was my girlfriends birthday...she was 99.5% plastered by this time, and we were all busy in conversation and it seemed as though we had taken over the bar with a crowd around us.
And He walked by and I remember just saying to my girlfriend who was next to me, "oh my god did you see that guy?"
It's true he is/was gorgeous...so it probably makes for a pretty simple attraction, right?
And I did not see him look at me once. I didn't think that he even noticed me. So, honestly I did not think too much about him after that until we were leaving the bar. And Without even thinking, I handed my number to my girlfriend and asked her to do the delivery. I did not think he would call. Not at all!
The next day he texted me and asked if I wanted to hang out, but I was busy, and for the next 2 weeks we continued texting one another trying to find time.
Finally he texted me "last night in the city" and asked if I wanted to come hang out with him and friends... I did not know what he meant. I texted him back..."Are you leaving forever?" but he never responded.
I was so tired that night, but I made an effort to go meet this beautiful person who had yet to speak one word to me.
We met at an underground party. It turns out that he is Swiss and returning home the following day.
"No big deal" I thought I might as well hang out and get a few free drinks. But as the night went on I felt very comfortable with him, and never felt any type of negative energy from him. My friends left early, and I ended up going to his friends house with him.
I will just tell you that it was a long night, and we all had a great time!!!
and I woke in the late late morning laying in his arms. (we had not had sex at that point) I remember trying to get up but he was holding me so tightly that I could not move and I did not try...just went back to sleep.
That day he called the airlines and extended his trip for 2 more days at which point his Visa would expire.
For the next 2 days We were inseparable, I called in sick to work, and we just spent time together...laying in bed and just hanging out around town. He even went with me to my dental appointment.
It was so easy, and so comfortable. It was sweet, we both acted as if we had been together for years. We sat on the same side of the table in restaurants.
We bought wine and frozen pizza and ate in bed. We took showers together. We both just naturally paid attention to one another's needs...
if he needed a napkin or a fork I would jump up and get it...if I needed a doggy bag he would jump up and get it.
However on the night before I would drive him to the airport, we were forced to be apart for a few hours, and after, on my way to meet him I felt so anxious, I could not drive fast enough to see him. I was in such a hurry. I thought my heart was going to explode.
He was with his friends drinking at a local bar. When I got there he was outside waiting for me. He hugged me a long, long hug and said "it seems like it's been so long". which is weird cause I had felt the same
He said so many things to me which made it so easy for me to open up my heart to him in those 2 days.
I have never met a man like him.
On the first day when he was supposed to leave he gave me these 2 beads held together by a peice of string...
really looked like something you'd find on the floor and probably just sweep it up into the trash can.
He just handed it to me and said,"here something to remember my by" I just thought it was kinda funny/goofy at that point.
The next day we were walking in the store and he asked me if I still had it. I acted like it didn't matter, but he wanted me to know what it meant. He said that one bead is smaller than the other and the bigger bead is there to protect the smaller bead he said"it's just like me and you, I am bigger than you".
he would just surprise me with these sweet things.
I asked him why we met, what was the point since he was just leaving anyway.I told him I believed in coincidence
And he told me that he believed there was a reason for everything. He believed in fate.
He asked me not to forget him and not to get married before he came back.
And we said goodbye in the airport terminal he said neither of us new the ending to our story yet.
After he left I felt like a part of me had died. I went to work that day and cried the entire day. I could not stop crying for the next week I cried.
I called my aunt on the phone every day and she was so nice cause she would just listen to me cry. I just needed someone to tell me I was not crazy. I have never missed anyone like this...
I have been in long term relationships in the past, one for 7 years with someone who I loved very much, but I have never been this attached to anyone so quickly.
He really disrupted my life. I was actually quite happy before I met him, and I was happy being single. And sure I wanted to meet someone, but I was content alone.
After he left I felt like there was something missing from my life. I felt like there was a death in my life.
It is still pretty recent since he left, but I can tell the story with only a few tears now.
And once he returned we exchanged a few emails, and I, in an attempt to push him away, I made up a reason to be angry with him, thinking that it would be easier if we did not have any more communication. I wrote him a crazy email knowing that any man would not respond thinking I was just a crazy psycho woman.
Aww, but not him. He responded and told me how hurt he was that I would request not to have contact with him and how he would like to remember us sweetly until we meet again.
Of course he would respond.
One thing I learned about him is what a special person he is, how he never ever said a mean thing about anyone. How he would look at me sometimes with such innocent eyes. How he came here traveling alone and left knowing so many people who appeared to be loyal devoted friends to him.
But I have decided that I don't want to experience saying goodbye like this again
I like to think that it's just infatuation nothing more... that he did not mean any of what he said...that he is just a typical male and "it was just sex". Cause I know that I can never go through saying good bye to him again. So I just quit returning his emails... and eventually we will both forget.
And yes I can always go to switzerland to see him, and he will come back here someday.
but that is niether here nor there...
Anyway, that is my story...I am sorry I made it so long and I sincerely hope that I do not seem pathetic to you all. But I thank you for letting me share my thoughts...it really helps to get it out. Especially when it's about love...there is nothing wrong with love, right?