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Author Topic:   how to say no?
Lavlee
Newflake

Posts: 2
From: Yes
Registered: Jun 2009

posted January 16, 2009 09:02 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lavlee     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
.

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Azalaksh
Knowflake

Posts: 997
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted January 16, 2009 09:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Azalaksh     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Just tell him you're not able to have a "house guest" at this time and leave it at that. If he presses you, just say "No" -- just like that. Practice

Why does he want to sponge off you for two weeks?? Did he volunteer to help you with any expenses, food, utilities?? How can you be sure he will LEAVE after the two weeks is up??

Why would you want to have someone you're not seriously involved with, and haven't developed a deep level of trust with, living there with your child??

You say there's "something about him that makes you uncomfortable" -- why would you want to invite that feeling into your home, a place where you let down your hair and recharge your batteries to meet the responsibilities in your life??

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Lavlee
Newflake

Posts: 2
From: Yes
Registered: Jun 2009

posted January 16, 2009 09:52 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lavlee     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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Azalaksh
Knowflake

Posts: 997
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted January 16, 2009 10:02 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Azalaksh     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
I was actually a little annoyed he asked me that. like Im not a true caring friend if not.
That smacks of emotional manipulation -- no wonder you were turned off.....

Just be mindful that you don't *have* to explain your decision to *anyone* -- it's *your* home and *you* decide who you want to invite in.....

Zala

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Lavlee
Newflake

Posts: 2
From: Yes
Registered: Jun 2009

posted January 16, 2009 10:22 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lavlee     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

...........

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FistOfLegend
unregistered
posted January 16, 2009 10:46 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
"I'm sorry________, but it won't work out." By explaining your work, your kids, your animals, whatever, he should be able to understand.

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Lavlee
Newflake

Posts: 2
From: Yes
Registered: Jun 2009

posted January 16, 2009 10:58 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lavlee     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

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Lavlee
Newflake

Posts: 2
From: Yes
Registered: Jun 2009

posted January 16, 2009 11:22 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lavlee     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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PeaceAngel
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Posts: 4313
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Registered: Apr 2009

posted January 17, 2009 07:16 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for PeaceAngel     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Lavlee

Just say "no". You don't have to offer any explanation. You don't need his approval. He'll find somewhere else. It's not your problem. Your duty is to yourself and your loved ones. By saying yes, you'll have him like you, but you won't like yourself because (again) you haven't had the strength to say no.

From a "psychic" perspective. Once he gets into your home, you'll find it hard to get rid of him. He'll continually find reasons not to go. And something about him feels really really off. Seriously. If it were me, I wouldn't let him near my children.

Everything inside of you is screaming say no. Listen to it.

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Lavlee
Newflake

Posts: 2
From: Yes
Registered: Jun 2009

posted January 17, 2009 10:56 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lavlee     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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Lavlee
Newflake

Posts: 2
From: Yes
Registered: Jun 2009

posted January 17, 2009 01:13 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lavlee     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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Lara
Newflake

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posted January 18, 2009 01:20 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lara     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Just say NO and add that it's nothing personal.

Zala has the right idea here

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Lara
Newflake

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Registered: Dec 2011

posted January 18, 2009 01:23 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lara     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
And something about him feels really really off. Seriously. If it were me, I wouldn't let him near my children.

you see this is where l think "psychically" gets a little hysterical.
One you can't possibly see that DEFINITELY about the man and two, you can't imply such things - at least not in my egotistical opinion


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PeaceAngel
Knowflake

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From:
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posted January 18, 2009 01:31 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for PeaceAngel     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Lara

If you have something to say to me, you can say it directly instead of adding smilies, etc, in someone elses thread.

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Lara
Newflake

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posted January 18, 2009 01:37 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lara     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
huh?

I just said it! I believe you are wrong to give psychic counsel when
1. it's not asked for
2. it's unethical
3. it's implication only as you haven't actually MET the person or spoken on phone and one's psychic abilities are limited when you haven't any vibe with the person.

The only reason l mention it is because a psychic friend of mine recently did the exact same thing and went to court for it and it ruined her career.

That's all. If you feel that i'm having a dig at you then it's in your head PA... so just let it go!

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PeaceAngel
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posted January 18, 2009 01:38 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for PeaceAngel     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Lara

Thank you.

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Lavlee
Newflake

Posts: 2
From: Yes
Registered: Jun 2009

posted January 18, 2009 02:46 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lavlee     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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PeaceAngel
Knowflake

Posts: 4313
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posted January 18, 2009 03:54 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for PeaceAngel     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Lavlee

You know what's right for you. However it comes or came out from me or anyone else, I think everyone just wants you to do what's right for you. And I know what it's like to be lonely and want someone - geez, I think you'd be hard pressed to find anyone who doesn't know that feeling. You can ask the Universe to send you someone who is right for you. Even make a list of the qualiites you desire and then put it away and let it unfold naturally. I get you about your children. I'm the same. Understood, appreciated and respected. Wishing you well, and much love.

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Azalaksh
Knowflake

Posts: 997
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted January 18, 2009 12:39 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Azalaksh     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Lara, since you are an expert and speak so emphatically and authoritatively on the subject, I thought I would ask.....

3. it's implication only as you haven't actually MET the person or spoken on phone and one's psychic abilities are limited when you haven't any vibe with the person.

Then how do Sylvia Browne and John Edwards and the rest manage it -- not during consultations, but when they pick up solid impressions??

And I can't help but be curious if you are channeling lotusheartone.....

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Lavlee
Newflake

Posts: 2
From: Yes
Registered: Jun 2009

posted January 18, 2009 01:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lavlee     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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Lavlee
Newflake

Posts: 2
From: Yes
Registered: Jun 2009

posted January 18, 2009 01:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lavlee     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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Azalaksh
Knowflake

Posts: 997
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted January 18, 2009 01:51 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Azalaksh     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yes Lavlee, we're interested in how things work out -- please keep us posted
I, for one, am interested in seeing how you phrase your No -- I'm a people-pleaser and learning how to say No was one of the most difficult lessons of this lifetime.....

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MysticMelody
Moderator

Posts: 1066
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted January 18, 2009 03:37 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MysticMelody     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
"Any wise ones out there good at saying no without being a jerk?"

Well, I would probably be a jerk... I would decide ahead of time what would bother me about him being there... like, after 2 days it wouldn't be like having company over to eat my food and use my things, it would be like having a roommate that doesn't help out... so I would decide what portion of rent/utilities/food/clean-up/housework I felt he would be responsible for (I might even be wrong, but this is thinking ahead to what you will feel in a week) and tell him (insert proper amount where I put $100): "I think it would be fun to have you as a temporary roommate but if you are staying for more than two days, you wouldn't really be a guest so I've decided you can stay two weeks for $100 rent/expenses as long as you give it to me before you move in... and if this sounds good to you, you can take garbage out each night and take the can to curb on Tuesday, and be in charge of washing the toilet and cleaning the bathroom and vacuuming the living room each Monday. If you pay me another $100 after two weeks you can stay two more." Then hand him the agreement in writing and tell him he can sign it if and when he agrees. lol If he says yes, you can give a try for the two weeks. He will probably just get uncomfortable because he wasn't planning on contributing an actual fair amount. Then he will probably decide to find other arrangements on his own, but if he does agree to the monetary amount and the division of work then you won't have anything to argue about and might actually have a good time together without feeling resentful etc of one another.

Hopefully that gives you some seed for thought, even if it isn't the "wisest" advice!

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Lara
Newflake

Posts: 0
From:
Registered: Dec 2011

posted January 18, 2009 04:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lara     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Zala,
you can look at the person asking because they have your permission but Lavlee hasn't given permission so PA can't access her.

I'm surprised you need to resort to being a "smartass" Zala.

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Azalaksh
Knowflake

Posts: 997
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted January 18, 2009 04:40 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Azalaksh     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well Lara, I guess *I'm* surprised that you need to resort to suggesting to people what they may or mayn't do here at LL (yes of course, it was just your opinion of what is a wrong and/or unethical course to take).....

We're all adults here, we all have consciences and values about what is ethical or not, and we all do what we think is right.....

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