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Author Topic:   Dealing with Rejection
Lucia23
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posted March 25, 2009 10:10 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lucia23     Edit/Delete Message
Guys, how do you deal with the aftermath of rejection? Not when someone you are involved with leaves, but when he never wanted to be with you in the first place?

I'm starting a new thread because it's a bit different from depression and/or a broken heart.

I can't get over it. It's like this guy's rejection tapped into some horrible, deep 7th house Cancer Moon-Saturn conjunction fear I'd been crabbing around with my whole life, through all those lead roles and awards and boys saying I was beautiful, and all that validation. It was like some part of me had really low self-esteem and it was just waiting for someone outside to say, You aren't attractive, sexy, or loveable.

I want to be independent and feel good about myself! In many ways I have healthy self-esteem, but I feel sooo fragile and vulnerable in these 7th house areas, and I feel like this one guy's rejection is having this poisonous effect, like a bad apple rotting the bunch. This is an emotional issue, NOT an intellectual one, so when people say, "You have to love yourself and not give someone else power", it does NOT help!!! It's like, DUH, I know that, intellectually, but my crabby-moon emotional innards need more constructive advice.

I thought I would have unrequited feelings for the guy forever, but I'm pretty much over him. It's only the feeling of rejection that was so long-lasting.

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taurusvirgoleolady1974
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From: tvll for short, if you'd like!
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posted March 25, 2009 10:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for taurusvirgoleolady1974     Edit/Delete Message
i absolutely hate when people say that! UGH! ok the best way to deal with this is to date. so you wont feel so much of the sting of rejection. thats the best remedy for me, anyway. its a good quick fix. can you fill in on what happened? how do you know he did not want to be with you in the first place? i mean, is this concrete or your opinion?

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Lucia23
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posted March 25, 2009 11:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lucia23     Edit/Delete Message
Ugh...it was concrete, after over a year of mixed signals (or I thought they were mixed), I finally confronted him and told him I liked him, and he rejected me via email, and then I had to deal with him afterwards for a while, but now I don't have to see him.

Before that my intuition about that stuff was ALWAYS completely trustable and right.

It's been over a year since the rejection and I'm still in shock and having trouble recovering my sense of self. I am interested in people very rarely and intensely, and never one-sidedly before.

Right now no one is asking me out. I get validation that I am still beautiful from people, but I feel all winded and guarded and my 8th house stellium vibes are all blocked up or something. Once I like a guy, since this happened, it's like I freeze up inside. I've connected with one guy since then who I actually liked/wanted/valued, but that didn't end too well.

I need to feel like I'm a worthwhile and valuable human being EVEN IF men don't ask me out, and even if right now no one is in love with me. And I don't feel that way.

I mean, I'm making it sound more total than it is--I know my work is valuable, etc. It's just that I feel this pain and sense of inadequacy about this issue.

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BlueTopaz124
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From: Portland, OR
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posted March 26, 2009 12:13 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for BlueTopaz124     Edit/Delete Message
Lucia23...I totally get what you're saying about what happened with this guy and where you're at now.

Dating and developing a thicker skin is a way of getting through the whole experience until you meet someone you can settle in with and have a relationship with.

You're wanting this fragile emotional side of you to find a way of healing. Can you look at the rejection from this guy and see where it fits in your relationships in the past? Include even relationships with your parents and see how they have influenced how you feel about yourself and maybe how it connects to what happened with this guy?

I hope you meet a guy who takes your heart and holds it protectively and cherishes who you are inside. Even if this guy isn't long-term, he can help you get past the guys who are just speed bumps like this last one.

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fatinkerbell
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From: Namyang, Gyeonggi Province, South Korea
Registered: Apr 2008

posted March 26, 2009 03:06 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for fatinkerbell     Edit/Delete Message
I reckon you probably have good reason to feel the way you do because when someone rejects us they actually take away a huge chunk of energy from you. It's like a theft in a way. In time your energy will be replenished. Just don't let this keep you from being open to rejection in the future... I mean you have to put yourself out there and the feeling you have now is at least better than if you never took the chance with him, in which case you would have known what would have happened...

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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.

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fatinkerbell
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From: Namyang, Gyeonggi Province, South Korea
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posted March 26, 2009 03:07 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for fatinkerbell     Edit/Delete Message
... oops left out a word ... I meant to say you would NOT have known what would've happened : )

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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.

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Lucia23
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posted March 26, 2009 02:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lucia23     Edit/Delete Message
Wow, thank you guys, these are some wise words.

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GemGemGem
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posted March 27, 2009 01:51 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GemGemGem     Edit/Delete Message
Lucia, most of us have been rejected at some point by a man....in my case, many times actually. haha. But I think you have had the privilege of not having this happen to you before this particular man, so it probably came as a bigger shock.

Not being rejected is good and all, but I think everyone needs a healthy dose of it once in a while to keep our egos in check. Rejection make us re-evaluate what has been driving our self image, and the importance that we've been giving it towards our true identity. This will point out to you where your sense of validation has been coming from. It's perfectly natural for validation from others to contribute to a sense of self, but maybe you were giving it more weight than it should have, so his rejection of you holds more power than it should. The only thing he maybe took is some of your ego...but your true self, and identity are not your ego so in actuality, you have lost nothing.

Ask yourself why it still bothers you so much that he didn't want to be with you? You don't even want him anymore. There is not one woman in this world, that EVERY man would want to be with. Not every man would even want to be with Angelina Jolie, or Gwyneth Paltrow. Everyone has their own tastes and preferences. You are taking it too personally.

Question? Aren't you the same exact person you were before he rejected you, as you were after? You are still exactly you, the same fabulous, beautiful person. Reality, time and space did not change around you making you less desirable to the world, when you found out this one human being didn't want to be with you. Your mind has made you feel less desirable, and changed your "view" of reality.

I'm sorry for what you're going through Lucia, rejection hurts, but I know you will get past this. It's all in your state of mind!

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Lucia23
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posted March 27, 2009 05:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lucia23     Edit/Delete Message
Thanks, everyone.

It's as much doubting my intuition as ego. I mean, I've known hundreds of guys who weren't attracted to me, and it hasn't bugged me at all. I may have even been vaguely attracted to one or two early on, but because I recognized intuitively that they weren't feeling it, I didn't open up in that way and give that energy. It was that I was very attracted to him AND my intuition told me that he was madly in love with me but just too scared or uncertain to act on it.

And my intuition was wrong!!

quote:
I reckon you probably have good reason to feel the way you do because when someone rejects us they actually take away a huge chunk of energy from you. It's like a theft in a way. In time your energy will be replenished.

Yes, this is EXACTLY it. If he was just a guy who wasn't attracted to me, well, that's unflattering, but that's life. There are lots of terrific people who have been into me and I haven't shared their feelings.

The problem was that, with his energetic mixed signals and F-ed up Scorpio Sun stellium/Pisces Moon VIBES, it feels like I lost energy in the encounter/connection between us.

It's interesting to think of this that way. Especially since my recent encounter with a Scorpio Sun stellium/Sag moon--even though it ended not well--was almost exactly the opposite. I feel like it gave both of us an incredible explosion of energy.

I'm going to just let my energy replenish.

It HAS been interesting to see just how much I pin my sense of self on other's approval--I really want to change that. It's only in 7th/8th house areas too (where my planets are clustered.) I am secure and independent in my career, intellect, values, lifestyle, etc etc...everything but sex and romance.

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BlueTopaz124
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From: Portland, OR
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posted March 27, 2009 10:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BlueTopaz124     Edit/Delete Message
I love Scorpio Sun energy...however...they can be very good at hypnotizing a person to be in their spell while they're checking you out to see if you're a good match for them. It's happened to me a couple of times with different Scorp guys.

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Lucia23
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posted March 28, 2009 03:29 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lucia23     Edit/Delete Message
quote:
...they can be very good at hypnotizing a person to be in their spell while they're checking you out to see if you're a good match for them.

It's rude to vibe a girl for a year, stare at her intensely, have icy, jealous meltdowns when she talks to other guys, and generally act weird around her if you NEVER WANT TO TOUCH HER EVER.

Rejection Guy was rude. I have an 8th house Sun-Mars-Merc stellium myself and challenging Moon-Pluto and Mars-Neptune aspects. I may be a Leo, but I know how to send out 8th house vibe rays--and I DON'T DO IT until I've already decided to make a tasty meal of the recipient. I mean, if he didn't want me, why all the vibing?? And I'll never know if he was really vibing me or if TNeptune opposing my Natal Sun was just making me DELUSIONAL.

Part of me still thinks maybe he totally wanted my Leo ass, and he deprived himself of me because his nasty 5th house Leo Saturn square his 7th house Scorpio solar stellium makes him deprive himself of all things fun and romantic, and imbues his entire buggy, fishy love life (and creative career, also) with a self-sabotaging sense of miserable duty and gravity.

The other part worries that my mojo, intuition, and vibing power are broken.

The other Scorpio (the non-rejecting one) isn't rude enough to electrocute someone with a hard-core vibe unless he is attracted to them. I was so stung by Rejection Guy though that I could not believe the new guy (or anyone that beautiful, or anyone) could actually want me, and I assumed he was playing with me in order to hurt me, which he really wasn't. Things didn't end well, but he treated me with respect that way, and when he saw I was afraid of hurt he just sort of sat there, open to me, until I could open up. Ugh thinking about this is making me miss him.

Rejection Guy has never had a relationship with a woman he was in love with, according to him. He is in his thirties.

Anyway, vibing someone you never want to make out with is like saying, "Do you want a cookie?" and then when the person says "Yes," saying, "Well, that's too bad! Haha." RUDE.

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GemGemGem
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posted March 28, 2009 01:09 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GemGemGem     Edit/Delete Message
Lucia, never doubt your intuition. Women KNOW things and even though sometimes we ignore the voice, its there guiding us. This was only one incident and you will never know his true motivations unless you ask him, which i dont think youll do.

If in fact be was just toying with you, he is an unbelievably huge pri* k and it's good it didn't go anywhere. If he did want you but is denying himself then he has major issues that it's better not to be tangled in.

I know what you mean about Neptune though. Those rose colored glasses can be really tricky when you're trying to see a relationship clearly. I guess you just have to learn to trust yourself and intuition again but make sure you ask brother Saturn if all is what it seems, which basically means just double check that concrete actions support the vibe you are getting from that man.

Its hard when you get thrown off balance like that, but you'll be wiser for it.

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Node
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From: Crowded House
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posted April 05, 2009 10:25 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Node     Edit/Delete Message
Fabulous thread Lucia. Your examination of this; internal inspection if you will, says to me, that this person was a guide for you to a more complete existence with yourself.
    I perhaps could have written [though not so well ] what you have. I went through the same thing, although the person never had the fortitude to come right out with a rejection. [your email from him]
I too have been taking it apart ever since. I had never been this attracted to someone on all levels before, and the intensity rocked my world; metaphysically, intellectually, emotionally, sexually...etc, etc.
    Many of our relationships today are based on a lack of individuality and missing sense of existence. We rely almost exclusively on "one special other" as a source of fulfillment.
Partnering up is the goal in our society. I think you hit "it" earlier on when you talked of self esteem. We have a serious self-esteem problem in our society. We are, in short, either taught that we don't exist, taught to hate ourselves, or some combination of the two, if we don't have a partner. Most people you see walking around on the street don't feel worthy of love. And this seems to be a matter of self-love, or the lack thereof.
    We are shown how we are at our most viable when partnered. Only if we have the mirror of a partner to reflect ourselves back do we exist. To me rampant narcissism, unhealthy or projected egos, and skewed values are culprits. To experience someone who touches us so deeply, and not have it returned has also happened to me just that once, and this guy was "it" I have decided to relegate him to a part of the journey, which is indeed narcissistic, it is all about me, how I felt, not what was good for him. His rejection made me aware of my narcissism. He did what was best for him, and I have to accept / respect that.
Again, really enjoyed reading this thread.

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Randall
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posted April 06, 2009 09:53 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message
Great string.

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"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia." Charles Schultz

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Lucia23
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posted April 06, 2009 12:07 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lucia23     Edit/Delete Message
quote:
Your examination of this; internal inspection if you will, says to me, that this person was a guide for you to a more complete existence with yourself.

Thank you, Node! I really hope you're right. With my 7th and 8th house stellia, being truly whole and independent is something I really want to work with in life.

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