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Author Topic:   Men are such Funny Creatures
Nephthys
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posted August 16, 2010 11:56 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Nephthys     Edit/Delete Message
I am slowly coming to the conclusion that it is impossible to be just plutonic friends with a male without him end up liking me at some point.

I can't be my friendly, happy go lucky self without it being taken as flirting, or they think I am interested in them?

I love to have intelligent conversation and/or speak/converse about things of common interest.........and then they end up thinking I am INTERESTED in them........or they get INTERESTED in me........when I just want to be friends..........

Do men have no desire to be just friends with a woman?

The receptionist at my work who is in her 70's said "All men are dogs.......they will hump any chance they get"......... and I replied, "Yeah, well, most of them......but there are a few who believe in making love".....

And then I told her that is an insult to dogs, considering we are both dog/animal lovers.

What do you guys think, can male/female ever be just friends without one end up having romantic interest in the other?

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Peri
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posted August 16, 2010 12:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Peri     Edit/Delete Message
Do you mean 'plutonic' or platonic friends? Dr. Freud would me amused methinks!

well, it is quite rare but in my opinion, yes, it is possible to have a male/female friendship without any romantic or sexual interest.

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Yin
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posted August 16, 2010 12:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Yin     Edit/Delete Message
My answer will have to be "maybe". Usually some effort is required to maintain a strictly platonic friendship. I believe it is easier for women than men to do this. Feelings always develop, it's whether you act on them or not.

See this thread: http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum10/HTML/003456.html

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Nephthys
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posted August 16, 2010 12:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Nephthys     Edit/Delete Message
hee hee I meant Platonic......but there you go.......Pluto.......

Yin, I do remember that thread, and the same issue was there........they were just friends but she had a romantic interest in him...........

quote:
Feelings always develop, it's whether you act on them or not
So then your answer would be no, men and women can't be just friends without one having a romantic interest in the other.

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Yin
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posted August 16, 2010 12:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Yin     Edit/Delete Message
Yes, but feelings develop and also disappear over time especially if the two people make a decision to work it out as friends and have the strength to do so. So, I said "no" in AG's thread, but now I'm not so sure, hence the "maybe".

I don't see developing feelings as a problem. It happens, we can't control our humanity THAT much. The question is: What do you do after admitting your human frailty to yourself and others? Do you spiral into impulsive behavior or do you take the higher road? The first step is to recognize that it is human nature to fall in love/ develop feelings/ be attracted to someone. And that's OK. We can CHOOSE whether to act on it out or not.

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BlueTopaz124
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posted August 16, 2010 11:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BlueTopaz124     Edit/Delete Message
Nephthys, the same with me. I'm naturally friendly to everyone and guys especially think I'm interested. It's just conversation!! My natural Sag sunny self just doing what's natural for me. Frustratng because their ego turns it into something you never intended and it ruins things.

The hard part is when they continue to think/act like you're interested and they end up playing a cat and mouse chase game when you were never interested in the first place. There is a guy I work with who has been doing this the past six months. I think all he wants an ego boost.

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Virgo-AriesArtist
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posted August 17, 2010 08:02 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Virgo-AriesArtist     Edit/Delete Message
Blue Topaz,

What exactly do you mean by "playing a cat and mouse game"? What does the guy get out of doing so when there's no chance you'll get together with him? Is it really all ego?

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Nephthys
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posted August 17, 2010 11:23 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Nephthys     Edit/Delete Message
I understand what you mean, Blue........ *sigh*

Like I say.......men are such funny creatures!!! LOL

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hippichick
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posted August 19, 2010 08:47 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for hippichick     Edit/Delete Message
Neph

I have always had more male friends than female, since my teenage years.

And sometimes I prefer the company of a male friend to a female, depends on what is going on in my life.

So my answer is yes, however, it takes a man who is very centered and in touch with himself and it takes age and maturity.

Men are hunters by nature and testosterone never goes away, and a mautre man would respect a lady's decision to be friends and nothing else, even if he wanted something more.

I still have many male friends, we flirt, and I know some of them would, ah...well you know do what, in a heartbeat, but they respect me enough to leave it at kindly flirting.

t~~~

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katatonic
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posted August 19, 2010 10:33 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for katatonic     Edit/Delete Message
plenty of people have this problem. i have had it myself...but it is possible to be friends with the opposite sex without getting your sexual nature entangled. i know plenty of men whose minds and characters i enjoy who don't attract me physically in the slightest. and if they do find me attractive they mostly have kept it to themselves...

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Nephthys
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posted August 19, 2010 11:33 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Nephthys     Edit/Delete Message
Hippi to everything you said.
quote:
And sometimes I prefer the company of a male friend to a female, depends on what is going on in my life
Me too, it doesn't depend on the sex, I enjoy talking to different people about a myriad of different subjects, so whether they are male/female I really enjoy having a male friend if that is what he happens to be.......

Kat:

quote:
i know plenty of men whose minds and characters i enjoy who don't attract me physically in the slightest
Exactly!

I've talked to a few people about this in the past few days and one friend told me she feels it is only possible for male/female to be friends without the male ever having intentions for the female in 1 circumstance: if he is gay. Otherwise, she said men will always entertain the idea of the possibility of more than friends.

I asked a male friend (who happens to be a famous jeans designer, artist, and filmmaker) and he said it depends on how attractive the 2 people are. If people are attractive it is hard not to be attracted to one another.

However, there are people who some people find very attractive and they do nothing for me.......hence I wouldn't want to be with them romantically.

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GypseeWind
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posted August 22, 2010 01:36 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for GypseeWind     Edit/Delete Message
I replied to that other thread with a yes.

And while it's true that my deceased best friend and I never had any kind of romance, I am thinking that probably the initial draw on the first meeting could of been a physical attraction.
We are just humans after all.. But, once we really got to know one another, it was totally obvious that there was nothing there but a deep abiding love and friendship.

I knew for sure that this was so one time when I was about.. oh, I guess 21 or 22, and I had drank way too much.. upset over some guy as I recall, anyway, I threw up all over myself and my friends car, and he brought me to my mom's house, carried me inside, took off my clothes and gave me a bath.
Nothing happened.
When I woke up in the morning, my clothes had been hand washed and were hanging in the shower.
My friend was asleep on the floor next to my bed.

So, see it's possible. Maybe not probable, but at least possible, and I'm so fortunate for the 25 years I had on this Earth with him.

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Lioness
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posted August 23, 2010 03:44 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lioness     Edit/Delete Message
I personally have had alot of platonic male friends.. I actually have more male friends than female friends..

Yes sometimes there is an attraction, yet that line is not crossed.

I also have ex's that have become very dear friends...

I have one ex from 20 years ago, that we are still friends to this day.. I even go to his family parties and what not..

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Nephthys
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posted August 23, 2010 03:58 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Nephthys     Edit/Delete Message
I think some of you are missing my point.
quote:
What do you guys think, can male/female ever be just friends without one end up having romantic interest in the other?

I'm not talking about the "decision" to be "only friends", I'm talking about both sides having only plutonic interest in the other, meaning the male and the female both have NO interest EVER of being romantically involved with the other.

Example: Female A is only friends with Male B.......has no physical or romantic attraction to Male B. Male B is only friends with Female A and has no physical or romantic attraction to Female A.

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Nephthys
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posted August 23, 2010 07:06 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Nephthys     Edit/Delete Message
I just realized my last post probably sounds very scientific but I can't help it as I have a Biology degree and this is how we write about studies.

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GypseeWind
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posted August 23, 2010 08:03 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GypseeWind     Edit/Delete Message
I caught it. I was saying that I had no physical attraction/romantic interest in him, ever, but possibly (I'm not sure, I can only speculate since he's passed away) that he at one time, for a very short time, could of felt something akin to attraction towards me.

If that seems ambiguous, I don't intend to..
hmm..
OK, I think it's in our nature to seek out a mate, whether consciously or not, so perhaps male/female friendships do have to be a decision, not an immediate thingy.

If that is clear as mud, just excuse me, I've been having some neptune issues lately. I feel like I'm speaking 'Fish'. heh.

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Nephthys
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From: California
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posted August 24, 2010 12:55 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Nephthys     Edit/Delete Message
I meant platonic

quote:
OK, I think it's in our nature to seek out a mate, whether consciously or not, so perhaps male/female friendships do have to be a decision

Gypsee, this was clear to me!!!

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