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Author Topic:   Is it male insecurity? Not sure what to do..
Dy-na-mi-tee
Knowflake

Posts: 701
From: Cloud 22, Jupiter Ave, Lalaland
Registered: Jun 2010

posted August 31, 2010 09:12 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dy-na-mi-tee     Edit/Delete Message
I'd really like to hear your advice on this situation.

I am not sure how to handle a particular 'kind' of behaviour in men. I have been through this before.. the exact same behaviour - and this ex bf has a very similar birth chart to the man who is in my life now.

The only difference is that this second man (Call him "T") has a pretty big say in my career so my Cappy planets are working over time trying to find a solution and somehow work with him in a peaceful-amicable environment.

I'm afraid that this will be impossible and that things will go down hill, as they did in the past with my ex.

I'll just tell you what's going on --- Basically, T has some Plutonian issues.. He has Venus opp Pluto in his chart (like myself). But he also has Uranus conjunct his Pluto, joining in on that opposition which I don't have. Perhaps that makes it more difficult?

His behaviour towards me is a constant 'give a little'/'take a little'.. He seems to be playing games out of insecurity. I have always been nice to him and respectful. I've done certain things for him professionally which he seemed to appreciate at the time (but he forgets it as soon as it happens and reverts to his normal bratty behaviour).

One day he'll be nice to me and talk to me - and act perfectly normal.
The next day he tries to completely ignore me and to intentionally make me jealous.

For instance - he will walk up to me and one of my friends and purposely ask her 5 questions and literally not even say 'hi' to me. I mean it is *weird* behaviour - when just the other day we were talking normally and we were on good terms.

I know this kind of behaviour off by heart. I know what he is doing. I think I understand why.
I simply don't know how to fix it.

I mean what else can I give this person to quench his insecurity?

I will never be romantically or sexually interested in him but I do care about him and I really respect him for everything he has done.

I wish there was a way to stop this.
I simply want to be friends and be on good terms and know that I can count on him professionally.

In the past I reacted to my ex's behaviour by getting him back - by ignoring him back - making him jealous back and so forth. What can I say? I was young and stupid.
This only made things *worse* - much *worse*. My ex had Mars opposite Pluto - He had his own brand of Plutonian issues. He definitely could not take what he 'dished' and my behaviour aggravated the situation - so he became even more of a jerk.

OBVIOUSLY I will not repeat this with the current guy.

I'm just not sure what to do.
I cannot ignore him because I'm always around him. I have to work with him. His behaviour annoys me because I find it rude (I've always been nice to him - so wtf?), and I can't simply turn a blind eye.

I cannot talk to him about this because I am sure he will simply get embarrassed and things will become even weirder or more awkward between us.

To begin with - it was worse. He was sure I was some kind of cold-hearted preachy feminist bit*ch and he was likening me to Sarah Palin :|

After a few situation where he saw my homey/girly side - he started liking me - and it got worse.
It's almost like before he "knew" me on a more personal level -- he was attracted physically, but in his mind he could say "oh - she's good looking BUT who cares? I bet she is a bit*ch".

But now because he found out I'm not a "bi*tch" - He is even more insecure and he wants to be with me even more so.

Just like my ex - he seems to think the way to ensure my being there is by hurting me. It's the good ol' "treat'em mean - keep'em keen".

I don't want to judge him. I really do not have anything against him. I just want this to stop and I want to have a normal relationship with him. My instinctive reaction to this kind of behaviour is to completely shut the person out of my heart. I don't want to do this - because *again* - I have done this with my ex.. so he felt ignored and became more of a jerk to get my attention -- so I withdrew even more so.. and he cranked it up a notch and so forth.
It never friggin ends *sigh*

These guys - (It might be their feminine planets in Aries) - They expect a positive reaction to seriously BAD behaviour with women.
I guess "T" expects that his crap will kindle my attraction for him, and then I'll do what exactly??? I'm not even sure what comes next. Maybe he thinks I will chase him down and "rape" him - next lol

In any case - They are very misguided because my reaction is not even slightly positive. This kind of behaviour is a wet blanket for me. It kills all sexual responsiveness in me and it makes me want to gag. I am honestly not sure how I could "explain" this? I don't think he would believe me anyway.
These Aries influenced men - with the "treat'em mean - keep'em keen attitude" - are very convinced that this works well. So I guess it is pointless to explain that all it does is hurt me and kill any chance of me having feelings for them.

Sorry to have gone on and on - does anyone have any ideas on how to deal with this?

At the end of the day - I am pretty patient.
I do not want to hurt him. I feel like whatever issues he has have developed over the course of many years - and I don't want to make his insecurities worse.

It's just that - much like in my situation with my ex - This is a time in my life when I really just needed this person to be something else - to be someone else - someone who I can rely on to be on my side.
And also - just like my ex - he can muster niceness, caring and friendliness WITH others... but there is none left for me.
As though I have to be "punished" for whatever psychological issues they both have/had.

Thank you for reading this!

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cpn_edgar_winner
Knowflake

Posts: 2921
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 31, 2010 09:31 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for cpn_edgar_winner     Edit/Delete Message
sounds like you have him pegged girl.
i look at it like this, i work to make money, not friends, if i make friends cool, if i don't thats cool too. He sounds like a bit of a jerk. you know the kind who thinks he is your friend and then starts to act like he owns you? yeah, that kind. glad you are on to his games. i would be freindly but nothing more and when he ignores you just keep doing your thing and don't even pay it a bit of attention. whatever you do, don't get drunk at the company christmas party and make out with him. seriously, the married guy with the lampshade on his head would be a better pick in the long run.

only half kidding.

**As though I have to be "punished" for whatever psychological issues they both have/had**

i can smell that game a mile away.
puh-lease. havent we all been through rotten stuff and decied to treat people with manners and respect anyway?

the kind of guy that thinks cutting women down and then watching them chase after them is funny and fun, is the kind of guy i think is an as$hole, and would avoid everyday because i don't like as$holes.
pardon me, but he kinda sounds like an as$hole to me.

or if MVM was here, she would use the word douchebagge...oh yes she would.

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Peri
Knowflake

Posts: 1350
From: 49N35 34E34
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 31, 2010 09:48 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Peri     Edit/Delete Message
In my opinion, you need to protect yourself, so if he is being a douchebag, ignore him (let him know this will not make you like him more) and when he is nice, be nice to him too. There are things you cannot control or change no matter how hard you try, the only thing you can control is your own behaviour.

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MysticMelody
Moderator

Posts: 848
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 31, 2010 11:16 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MysticMelody     Edit/Delete Message
You said his behavior is mean/"weird" and he has Pluto conjunct Uranus. This is the first thing that stood out to me. I was worried because I thought you had a crush, then you said you didn't or wouldn't with his current behavior for sure.

What came to mind is Uranus/Aqua/Friendship. Combined with deep, intense, non-surface, non-shallow Scorpion/Plutonic relating. So I'm thinking that if you can relay to him that you want to have this friendship with him... this non-surface, non-shallow, true friendship that you sense the two of you could have...
maybe that would back him off the coming on so strong in his mind and in reality, because the part of him that wants a real relationship with this attractive woman would know he has to begin with friendship to reach his Aries/Goal. That will buy you some breathing room and less drama and will give him time to discover that you are, after-all, NOT the girl for him... or if fate has it that you both hear magic bells etc at a later date then hey, so be it. At least he will quit causing drama and you might at least get a friend out of it and learn some of the energy lessons you started with your ex only in a less intense relationship. And your friendship should soothe the work issue then as well.
Or you could feed him Exlax cookies every time you see him for aversion therapy...

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Nephthys
Moderator

Posts: 719
From: California
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 01, 2010 04:15 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Nephthys     Edit/Delete Message
quote:
will never be romantically or sexually interested in him
Then why do you see him differently than any other friend or co-worker? Why don't you just let him play his games, let him be his weird self? What are you expecting from him? Just go about your business at work..... go about your life...........why would you want to be friends with someone who plays games anyways?

The only thing I can think is that maybe deep down you do have feelings for him, otherwise you wouldn't place so much importance on the way he is treating you?

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