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Author Topic:   Heaven
Lialei
Knowflake

Posts: 1895
From: blank canvas
Registered: Jul 2005

posted December 13, 2007 11:42 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lialei     Edit/Delete Message
~


It was a late Easter, and the days were bright, fine, and full of fragrance. I remember he used to cough all night and sleep badly, but in the morning he dressed and tried to sit up in an arm-chair. That's how i remember him sitting, sweet and gentle, smiling, his face bright and joyous, in spite of his illness. A marvellous change passed over him, his spirit seemed transformed. The old nurse would come in and say, "Let me light the lamp before the holy image, my dear." And once he would not have allowed it and would have blown it out.

"Light it, light it, dear, I was a wretch to have prevented you doing it. You are praying when you light the lamp, and I am praying when I rejoice seeing you. So we are praying to the same God."

Those words seemed strange to us, and mother would go to her room and weep, but when she went in to him she wiped her eyes and looked cheerful. "Mother, don't weep, darling," he would say, "I've long to live yet, long to rejoice with you, and life is glad and joyful."

"Ah, dear boy, how can you talk of joy when you lie feverish at night, coughing as though you would tear yourself to pieces."

"Don't cry, mother," he would answer, "life is paradise, and we are all in paradise, but we won't see it, if we would, we should have heaven on earth the next day."

Every one wondered at his words, he spoke so strangely and positively; we were all touched and wept. Friends came to see us. "Dear ones," he would say to them, "what have I done that you should love me so, how can you love any one like me, and how was it I did not know, I did not appreciate it before?"

When the servants came in to him he would say continually, "Dear, kind people, why are you doing so much for me, do I deserve to be waited on? If it were God's will for me to live, I would wait on you, for all men should wait on one another."

Mother shook her head as she listened. "My darling, it's your illness makes you talk like that."

"Mother darling," he would say, "there must be servants and masters, but if so I will be the servant of my servants, the same as they are to me. And another thing, mother, every one of
us has sinned against all men, and I more than any."

Mother positively smiled at that, smiled through her tears, "Why, how could you have sinned against all men, more than all? Robbers and murderers have done that, but what sin have you committed yet, that you hold yourself more guilty than all?"

"Mother, little heart of mine," he said (he had begun using such strange carressing words at that time), "little heart of mine, my joy, believe me, every one is really responsible to all men for all men and for everything, I don't know how to explain it to you, but I feel it is so, painfully even. And how is it we went on then living, getting angry and not knowing?"

So he would get up every day, more and more sweet and joyous and full of love. When the doctor, an old German called Eisenschmidt, came: "Well, doctor, have I another day in this world?" he would ask, joking.

"You'll live many days yet," the doctor would answer, "and months and years too."

"Months and years!" he would exclaim. "Why, reckon the days? One day is enough for a man to know all happiness. My dear ones, why do we quarrel, try to outshine each other and keep grudges against each other? Let's go straight into the garden, walk and play there, love, appreciate, and kiss each other, and glorify life."

"Your son cannot last long," the doctor told my mother, as she accompanied him to the door, "The disease is affecting his brain."

The windows of his room looked out into the garden, and our garden was a shady one, with old trees in it which were coming into bud. The first birds of spring were flitting in the branches, chirruping and singing at the windows, and looking at them and admiring them, he began suddenly begging their forgiveness too, "Birds of heaven, happy birds, forgive me, for I have sinned against you too." None of us could understand that at the time, but he shed tears of joy. "Yes," he said, "there was such a glory of God all about me; birds, trees, meadows, sky only I lived in shame and dishonoured it all and did not notice the beauty and glory."

"You take too many sins on yourself," mother used to say, weeping.

"Mother, darling, it's for joy, not for grief I am crying. Though I can't explain it to you, I like to humble myself before them, for I don't know how to love them enough. If I have sinned against every one, yet all forgive me, too, and that's heaven. Am I not in heaven now?"

And there was a great deal more I don't remember. I remember I went once into his room when there was no one else there. It was a bright evening, the sun was setting, and the whole room was lighted up. He beckoned me, and I went up to him. He put his hands on my shoulders and looked into my face tenderly, lovingly; he said nothing for a minute, only looked at me like that.

"Well," he said, "run and play now, enjoy life for me too."

I went out then and ran to play. And many times in my life afterwards I remembered even with tears how he told me to enjoy life for him too. There were many other marvellous and beautiful sayings of his, though we did not understand them at the time. He died the third week after Easter. He was fully conscious though he could not talk; up to his last hour he did not change. He looked happy, his eyes beamed and sought us, he smiled at us, beckoned us. There was a great deal of talk even in the town about his death. I was impressed by all this at the time, but not too much so, though I cried a great deal at his funeral. I was young then, a child, but a lasting impression, a hidden feeling of it all, remained in my heart, ready to rise up and respond when the time came. So indeed it happened.


~ from The Brothers Karamazov, Fyodor Dostoevsky


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Mirandee
unregistered
posted December 13, 2007 12:06 PM           Edit/Delete Message
"Months and years!" he would exclaim. "Why, reckon the days? One day is enough for a man to know all happiness. My dear ones, why do we quarrel, try to outshine each other and keep grudges against each other? Let's go straight into the garden, walk and play there, love, appreciate, and kiss each other, and glorify life."

Yes, I think that indeed is heaven!!!

Takes sometimes years and years of our lives to realize that we carry heaven within ourselves and it is all around us in others and all of creation.

Live, Love and Laugh!! Love always and laugh often.

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Solane Star
Knowflake

Posts: 5392
From: Ontario, Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted December 13, 2007 12:10 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Solane Star     Edit/Delete Message
Thank-You so very much Soul Sister for that lovely story!!!!

Touched Deeply!!!

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Lialei
Knowflake

Posts: 1895
From: blank canvas
Registered: Jul 2005

posted December 13, 2007 01:16 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lialei     Edit/Delete Message
thanks be to HSC
for sharing something so
special to his heart
with us all ~
http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum17/HTML/001511-6.html


So good to see you guys here.
It's so beautiful and touching,
isn't it?

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26taurus
Knowflake

Posts: 14334
From: *
Registered: Jun 2004

posted December 13, 2007 03:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for 26taurus     Edit/Delete Message
"And how is it we went on then living, getting angry and not knowing?"

"My dear ones, why do we quarrel, try to outshine each other and keep grudges against each other?"

Good questions.

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silverstone
Moderator

Posts: 2846
From:
Registered: Mar 2006

posted December 13, 2007 04:36 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for silverstone     Edit/Delete Message

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BlueTopaz124
Knowflake

Posts: 1406
From: Portland, OR
Registered: Jan 2004

posted December 13, 2007 06:03 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BlueTopaz124     Edit/Delete Message

Thank you!

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Heart--Shaped Cross
Knowflake

Posts: 8163
From: 11/6/78 11:38am Boston, MA
Registered: Aug 2004

posted December 14, 2007 10:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Heart--Shaped Cross     Edit/Delete Message

Ahhh,
Saint Fyodor.

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Lialei
Knowflake

Posts: 1895
From: blank canvas
Registered: Jul 2005

posted February 28, 2008 11:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lialei     Edit/Delete Message

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ListensToTrees
Knowflake

Posts: 4970
From: Infinity
Registered: Jul 2005

posted May 07, 2008 12:15 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ListensToTrees     Edit/Delete Message
That's so beautiful. I'm crying.

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Heart--Shaped Cross
Knowflake

Posts: 8163
From: 11/6/78 11:38am Boston, MA
Registered: Aug 2004

posted May 07, 2008 01:12 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Heart--Shaped Cross     Edit/Delete Message
It's one of my favorite excerpts.

I read it to Lia, then she came here and posted it.

Later I read it to Melody, and she did the same thing.

That whole book is amazing, really.

I've read it three times.

All 900+ pages of it.

Still haven't read all his books
(still have to read "Demons"),
but I come back to "The Brothers Karamazov"
when I want Dostoevsky at his best.

I have felt the most profound affinities with a handful of authors.

I've heard this is common to folks with Sun or Venus in the 9th.

Salinger was my first. Then Tolstoy.

Dostoevsky and Proust came next.

Now I am in orbit around Nietzsche,
enjoying the love affair, before i break off,
like the rogue centaur I am and may always be.

People dont know what they are missing.

There is so much to be discovered and rediscovered in the classics.

I read Dostoevsky and make the faces I imagine the characters making,
I smile broadly at his wit, and he, like no other,
has the power to bring me swiftly to tears.
Deep, cleansing tears.

I could go on and on about each of those writers,
and what they have meant to me, in their turn.

The same is true of the loves of my life.

I remember them all fondly.

Except for Chrissy, lol.


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ListensToTrees
Knowflake

Posts: 4970
From: Infinity
Registered: Jul 2005

posted May 07, 2008 04:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ListensToTrees     Edit/Delete Message
HSC, you sound lofty and "plural".

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Heart--Shaped Cross
Knowflake

Posts: 8163
From: 11/6/78 11:38am Boston, MA
Registered: Aug 2004

posted May 07, 2008 05:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Heart--Shaped Cross     Edit/Delete Message
huh?

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ListensToTrees
Knowflake

Posts: 4970
From: Infinity
Registered: Jul 2005

posted May 08, 2008 08:18 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ListensToTrees     Edit/Delete Message
"Les temps sont durs pour les rÍveurs".

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Heart--Shaped Cross
Knowflake

Posts: 8163
From: 11/6/78 11:38am Boston, MA
Registered: Aug 2004

posted May 08, 2008 11:21 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Heart--Shaped Cross     Edit/Delete Message
I dont speak French.

You're too smart for me.

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ListensToTrees
Knowflake

Posts: 4970
From: Infinity
Registered: Jul 2005

posted May 08, 2008 07:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ListensToTrees     Edit/Delete Message
"Times are hard for dreamers"....

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Heart--Shaped Cross
Knowflake

Posts: 8163
From: 11/6/78 11:38am Boston, MA
Registered: Aug 2004

posted May 08, 2008 08:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Heart--Shaped Cross     Edit/Delete Message
You can say that again.

Oh, right.

You already did.

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Heart--Shaped Cross
Knowflake

Posts: 8163
From: 11/6/78 11:38am Boston, MA
Registered: Aug 2004

posted May 08, 2008 08:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Heart--Shaped Cross     Edit/Delete Message
Has someone been watching 'Waking Life'?

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ListensToTrees
Knowflake

Posts: 4970
From: Infinity
Registered: Jul 2005

posted May 08, 2008 08:09 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ListensToTrees     Edit/Delete Message
Huh?

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Heart--Shaped Cross
Knowflake

Posts: 8163
From: 11/6/78 11:38am Boston, MA
Registered: Aug 2004

posted May 08, 2008 10:07 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Heart--Shaped Cross     Edit/Delete Message
*nods approvingly*

I think the line was in "waking life" (too?).

LOVE amelie

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LEXX
Knowflake

Posts: 875
From: Still out looking for SchrŲdinger's cat.........LEXIGRAMMING... fayte1954@hotmail.com
Registered: Jan 2008

posted May 08, 2008 11:11 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message
quote:
THERE IS NO SPOON

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ListensToTrees
Knowflake

Posts: 4970
From: Infinity
Registered: Jul 2005

posted May 09, 2008 03:33 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ListensToTrees     Edit/Delete Message

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ListensToTrees
Knowflake

Posts: 4970
From: Infinity
Registered: Jul 2005

posted May 09, 2008 03:34 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ListensToTrees     Edit/Delete Message

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ListensToTrees
Knowflake

Posts: 4970
From: Infinity
Registered: Jul 2005

posted May 09, 2008 03:35 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ListensToTrees     Edit/Delete Message
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3S0LNGA2hp8

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Heart--Shaped Cross
Knowflake

Posts: 8163
From: 11/6/78 11:38am Boston, MA
Registered: Aug 2004

posted May 09, 2008 01:12 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Heart--Shaped Cross     Edit/Delete Message

:thumbsup"

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