posted January 11, 2008 01:14 AM
. i was greatly inspired by past lives regression books like those of Dr. Weiss and Dr. Newton and had been raring to have a vision but very little , only snippets was available to me.
ihad 3 books from brian weiss, the reincarnation specialist, he has given a meditation technique at the back of his books, that u can taperecord and then listen to the instructions to regress urself.
my family aldready thinks i m weird enough without doing any past life work so i did not tell anyone.
i made a tape. my parents had left town 3 days ago by a morning flight. a few hours later i did a regression as per the tape.
my issues to be looked into were why i had such poor health, also i was a schizoid structure, very poor grounding and zero sense of safety.i was operatiing my whole life on code red.i had very flow of energy in upper 3 chakras, but the emotional, grounding and power chakras were malfunctioning. the smallest issue, word was enough to freak me out.also reality didn't exactly appeal to me. i would try everything to avoid any thing grounded.i was also scared of making close friends, forget close relationships.especially scared of marriage and having babies.
a few months ago a yoga teacher taught me pranayama, that made me realise my breathing was severely constricted, as though of a person whse lungs are full of rocks. even after pranayama i could not get myself top breath deeply without making loud noises, it was as if something was holding my lungs in a tight vice and whenever i cried it would cease for a few minutes, but then start again.
the regression tape that i worked with basically has relaxation techniques at first 10 minutes, so after u r totally relaxed and aware of ur subconscious u start regressing.
irst u decide what issues u want to look into whether in this or a previous life.
then u automatically ask ur subconscious to regress to that period.then u observe ur appearance , clothes, shoes etc. whether it is day or night, what place u are, what year etc and u automatically get the answer from ur subconscious. u then see the major events of that life, then u ask to see if nay people from this life are there in that life. then u ask to see ur death. after that in the end u ask urself to meditate on the lessons to be learnt from that life.
i made myself a tape and incase i didnot remember i also simulataneously taped my sessions on another recorder.
the first time i regressed myself i went went directly back to my prenatal memory. but it was a very bad memory becoz it turns out my mom was not ready to have babies and dad persuaded her not to have an abortion.once i was born however she loved me as well as any mother would.well i thought in my regressed state that explains the lack of safety since she was tense, over emotional and hyper throughout the pregnancy, partly becoz of hormones and partly becoz dad got fired from his low paying job and decided to start his own accounting firm instead of being an employee. my parents have since confirmed this before the regression but i didn't know my mom was so stressed when she was carrying me.i saw myself back in the womb and heard her screaming at dad to get a job, other times crying as to how they r going to manage on such little money so on.. it wasn't very pleasing and i learnt the reason for not feeling very relaxed around my mom so i moved on ot the next memory.
i directly ended up in an adult life.i was wearing an arab dress and a veil. i looked at myself, very beautiful. i was in a large house, doing household work when my husband came from behind and pushed me. it transpired i was the fifth wife of this man, somewhere around Basra. he was a classic S& M character. he would beat me and rape me for no reason just kicks, even though i was his wife. total psycho , but for some reason this beahviour was exclusive to me and not other wives. later it turned out he had bought me from my father, some poor farmer or something like that. the other wives didn't much respect me since they were from well to do families.i was asked to work like a slave , beside the other servants in the house and they all loved to humiliate me as often as they could.one of my chores was to take food and medicines to my ageing father in law. real old man, in his late seventies.okay this is the part where my indian upbringing totally took over my subconscious. i saw myself feeding the old man, then we talked and laughed and then yikes we were kissing and hugging, YUCKYUCKYUCK. the fact that i have ever romanced a man, who is my grandfathers age and was also my father in law, took over the regression and i stopped right there. i went to the end of my life and saw myself dying on the road, like a homeless begger.when the time came to learn my lessons i forgave my mom for being so tensed while she was carrying me and the husband who abused me in that life. also i told myself that i have overcome my victim pattern and it does not have to happen again. i m safe in the present and no one can ever hurt me witjout my conscious permission.that i and my oversoul are in control of my life and so on.
when i woke up i felt lighter, more relaxed and was breathing better but not completely well.
excited i did another regression 6 hours later. here i saw myself as a poor peasant in the praires, perenially suffering from lack of food, and necessities.
the nect day in another regression i was an indian farmer who lost his land to a moneylender and died of tuberculosis, in poverty leaving teenaged children to fend for themselves.food and land are first chakra stuff so i thought there u go , there is the problem.my breathing was less shallow but still there was this feeling of some weight in my chest.
the next day i saw myself as a a fisherman in dakshineshwar , west bengal who hated fishing. i didn't eat what i caught but sold it all and wife would laugh and jeer at me for it. i also drowned in that life.i knew how to swim but by guilt maybe i just didn't try to save myself.
when i was born, my parents had my Indian Vedic horoscope made and were told by the pandit i was never to go near water as i was prone to drowning. also i had 3 near drowning incidents. i took membership of a swimming facility but didnt once show up for classes.
well, i thought that explains it, but still my lungs felt heavy.
the next regression revealed a life spent as a slave to highway robbers somewhere near Afghanistan. they had attacked my village and i asked them to spare my family and take me since iwas a ironsmith.so i went away leaving my wife and kids to serve them. a couple of years i was making weapons for them. then overcome by emotion i ran for it in the darkof the night but they chased me and caught up with me. it was a sport for them to chase and kill me, at the end of it, one of them picked up a rock and flung it on my chest and i died .all in all not good.that did ease me paranoia and constant fear a lot.
i have never been more relaxed since i was born. but that weight in my lungs was not gone and this was odd
the next morning i regressed myself again and this time i determinedly steered my subconscious to find why i feel that.
i ended up right back inthat first life, back with my abusive arabic husband.i directly saw him raping and beating me simultaneously , i was holding my breath and not crying out becoz that excited him further and i wanted it to be over with. basically my way of dealing with that life was to disconnect from my body and the present by keeping myself busy with my work. i also hated my body becoz it was my beauty that was his trigger.again i saw myself with my father - in - law. it turned out we were in love. i had been begging him to take me someplace else.i didnt like anyone but him to touch me. and he felt very guilty about our situation. he loved his son but hated what he was doing to me, and being dependent on him couldn't confont him or ask him to cut it.
then i became pregnant.i was not sure whose baby it was, but wished it was my lovers not husbands.my husband once he found out i was pregnant only slapped me and
verbally abused and bullied me.he also made it clear that he wanted no girls in his family. he aldready had sons, and he hated women . he made it clear that if it was a daughter , she would be killed at birth.i had other worries. for some reason i was convinced that the baby was not his.i didnt want to raise my child with him. i wanted to run away with my lover and raise our child together.i constantly emotionally bullied him, asking him if he wanted his child to be raised by someone else. i even accused him of not loving me and using me sexually even though i knew he did not . but he explained to me, if we did run away, he would live only for a few more years, with no means of income and how was i as a widow to survive in arabic society.i would probably end up with another man like my husband or the clergy would find me and sentence me and the child to death. i cried thrroughout my pregnancy and was dying to run away.. my husband a trader was away on business in my eighth month when i delivered early.
for the past one year i have been having visions of an infant in sleep as well as while meditating. i now know who she is. i cant get her face out of eyes. so beautiful. she had light grey eyes and reddish hair. my husband had black eyes and dark hair. but his father had grey eyes.after i delivered one of the othwer wives volunteered to spend the night by my bed in case i needed anything. i said i m fine. as soon as she was gone , i picked up the baby and went to my father in law. when he saw her he started crying, we were both very happy and moved. he kissed me and said he loved me and her more than anything else in the world. but then i told him that his son has promised to kill his daughter.he vowed to save her. i asked him again to run away this time for the life of our daughter. he promised me he would convince his son to keep her alive. i was terrified out of my wits. i loved her so much . my little angel. i can still see her face clearly. i dont think i will ever forget her.
when my husband came back he was as expected livid and announced that my daughter would die. i started crying hysterically and ran to summon my father- in - law.what ididnt know was that in my absence one of his wives told him that the night my baby was born she had seen me secretly take her to my father - in- law.also that the baby looked like him and that i used to volunteer to take food and suff to him and spend more time taking care of him, also after i came back my mood would improve and i would look happy.when i came back with my father in law, he asked my husband to spare the baby. but he on the other hand, went to my room, us running after him. he took one look at the baby , spat at both of us and said he knew everything. his other wife joined in.scared as i was i started begging for mercy , which only proved him right. he started beating his father. i tried to stop him but then he pushed me and took the baby and ran to his room. i ran after him crying out my baby's name. . its either sunaa, suhaana or sona.
i ran in his bedroom just in time to see him running a dagger thru my baby. again and again screaming abuses. i fell to the ground and started crying.he asked his other wives and servants to thow me out of the house . idont know what happened to his father.i didn't stop crying at all. i kept wailing and crying lying on my own in the dirt on the road, in the day. people gathered around me, but didn't do anything. i died crying, my heart exploding with grief at the death of my baby.THAT is the weight i feel in my lungs. i died mourning for my baby. i woke up in the middle of the regression wailing uncontrollably and spent the next few days crying.i felt i could never get over the grief of losing my child. i dont have children but the pain of losing a child is something i know only those who are parents can imagine since u do. I sincerely pray to god that no parent should have to lose his child. i know it was in the past but i was alone at home. .my parents being out of town didnt help that there was no one to hold me while i was crying.
a few days after the regression i did release work with my oversoul, to get over that life.
but it was too much for me and in the middle of forgiving i started crying and begging for my sunaa, then suddenly my mom's face flashed in front of my eyes.and i heard the words " u aldready have her "
so i sat to analyse our horoscopes. i have never analysed my synastry with her but here r the aspects.
her draco Val opp my Draco Val
my moon conj her ASC
her venus conj my ASC
her saturn conj my node
her karma conj my Draco ASC
her Draco ASCconj my south Node
her draco sun n moon conj my natal saturn
my ceres conj her neptune
her ceres conj my draco venus n chiron
in retrospect i also see my Karma in a clear light.throughout my pregnancy i was scared of giving birth to her.
the same was repeated to ME when she was carrying me in this life so i could know how unsafe she felt when it happened to her.
her fear and reluctance to have me also came from the subconscious knowledge that i had failed to protect her as a mother.
aslo if the members on this forum recollect i had posted a thread on Sufi poems.
following the regression i had waking flashbacks of my lovestory with my lover aka my father in law.
he was a sufi writer, philosopher who told me he loved me in a beautiful verse . he shared a lot of his sufi poems , and those writen by others .
as much as my values and conditioning found that relationship disgusting , he was my Twin- Self.
i recollect every moment spent with him.
Basra where we lived was the headquarters of Sufi movement.
since i was a kid i have had an interest in their sufi ideology, music, literature, and even started a thread on this board.
now i know where all that came from.
also since the regression i know that i had low self worth, victim mentality, for so many lives but know i m free of it.
i have cured all my psychological problems , and issues around intimacy.
there is a lot on Karma that i have to post from my regressions but that comes later.