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Author Topic:   Male And Female Input Desired...
Randall
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Posts: 25287
From: Columbus, GA USA
Registered: Nov 2000

posted July 26, 2003 05:47 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message
Top 10: Traits Of A Great Girlfriend
by Jonathan Carlson

I must admit that playing the field is a whole lot of fun, but so is being in a serious relationship -- provided that it's with the right woman. But how do you know if she really is the right woman for you? If she possesses the following 10 traits, you better hold on to her for dear life or, before you know it, a guy who already knows where it's at will get his hands on your "goods."

Number 10

She's independent
No one wants a girlfriend they have to baby-sit. Once in a while, like if she's had a rough day at work, it's great to be her shoulder to cry on, but if she can't seem to function without you and is constantly after you, she will eventually make you feel like you're suffocating, which is a surefire way to get you running out the nearest exit.

On the other hand, if she has her very own personality and opinions, can stand on her own two feet, both financially and emotionally, and is able to enjoy time away from you -- while still missing you, of course -- then she must be a great girlfriend.


Number 9

She's intelligent
I hate to be the one to tell you this, but the bimbo routine gets real old, real fast. A woman who can meet you at an intellectual level is a total turn-on. Instead of being the one in total control, you'll find yourself trying to figure out what she's really thinking behind those glazed eyes of hers -- or if she's actually thinking at all.

An intelligent woman will constantly surprise you and keep you on your toes. She won't let you get bored of her. Besides, it's nice to have something to talk about between all that chandelier-hanging sex.


Number 8

She's sexual
While we're on the topic, a great girlfriend has to be sexually compatible with you. For instance, if you're into S&M and she's more the "fluffy lingerie" type, that's a problem. The two of you have to be on the same page -- or, at least, she has to be willing to wear leather and use a whip from time to time.

Of course, this doesn't imply that she has to know all the right moves straight away; it simply means that you and she have an undeniable attraction towards each other, and are able to communicate your desires verbally (or with physical cues). It is important that you please each other in the bedroom, or on top of the dryer -- whatever the case may be.


Number 7

She's beautiful
I know, this one is kind of obvious, but important nonetheless. A great girlfriend will not only want to look good for you, but also for herself. She should always look her best and be well put together -- matching lingerie is a definite plus.

You have to be proud to have her on your arm and enjoy the sight of her in any light. And this doesn't mean that she has to be a Heidi Klum clone. Remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so if you think her full bottom or uncontrollable curls are beautiful, you're allowed.


Number 6

She respects you
This is a biggie. Your woman must respect you. This means that she listens to you, even if she doesn't necessarily agree with what you're saying. And, of course, she never tries to demean or belittle you in any way, shape, or form.

A great girlfriend won't ever cause scenes in public or in front of your friends and family, and will always wait to discuss matters with you in private. If she respects you, chances are that she will behave in a tactful and diplomatic manner in most situations, which is definitely a good thing.

Does your woman bring you and the guys beer on poker night?

Number 5

She lets you be a man
Do not -- I repeat -- do not get involved with a woman who tries to get you to eat cottage cheese and fruit for breakfast and insists that you give up poker night with the guys. You will end up resenting her more than you can imagine. A good girlfriend lets you be a guy in all your glory, poker night and all. If she's a great girlfriend, she'll even bring you and your buddies a couple of beers and make you some of her famous sandwiches.

She has to understand that men and women are different and should allow you to be yourself. Just like you wouldn't deprive her of going shopping with her best girlfriend, she shouldn't expect you to give up the guys for her.


Number 4

She's nagless
There is nothing worse than a nag! A great girlfriend knows this and chooses her battles wisely. She knows when to speak-up and when to let it slide. You don't want a girlfriend who will give you the heights of hell for leaving a couple of dishes in the sink occasionally.

However, if you live together and you stay out all night without calling her, and she lets you have it, then you're setting yourself up for disaster. This is a situation that nobody would let slide -- not even a great girlfriend.


Number 3

She gets along with friends & family
A great girlfriend will not only help your mom in the kitchen, listen to your dad's stories, and hang out with your friends, she will enjoy it. She'll make a real effort to get to know and love the most important people in your life. And she won't try to get you to ditch your best buds.

She'll actually empathize with your brother's getting dumped and suggest that you guys take him out to cheer him up. Not only that, but your friends won't roll their eyes and moan when you mention that she'll be joining you guys when she gets off work (yes, women like this do exist).


Number 2

She loves you
If you have found a woman who loves you for who you really are and not who you pretend or try to be sometimes, you should definitely hang on to her. A woman who doesn't try to change you is hard to find. Of course, everyone has their slightly annoying habits that their mate has to contend with, but if she really loves you, she will be able to cope with these.

Another way to know if she really loves you is by observing the way she looks at you and treats you on an everyday basis. If the sight of you doesn't seem to faze her either way, and she doesn't really seem to care about what you have to say, she's either playing very hard to get, or sees you as just some guy. But if a surprise visit or phone call from you makes her light up, there's no denying that she loves you.


Number 1

She makes you want to be a better man
Stop making that face... Any man who has a great girlfriend or wife will tell you that she makes him want to be a better man. She doesn't have to say or do anything; it just is that way. If you suddenly feel bad about how you treated your sister or find yourself trying to get your finances in order, you might want to think about your motivation for doing so. It could be love.

do you already have her?

So, if this list seems to describe your current flame, you, my friend, are styling. In fact, you are probably the envy of all of your friends, even if they tease you for losing your status as "king player."

However, if the woman you are dating is more like the polar opposite, then I don't think that getting serious with her would be in your best interest -- but you knew that already, didn't you?

------------------
"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark

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Aphrodite
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Registered: Feb 2002

posted July 26, 2003 09:27 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aphrodite     Edit/Delete Message
Hi Randall,

I learned new things from your posting today, 6 am Saturday morning. Lovely!

If you suddenly feel bad about how you treated your sister or find yourself trying to get your finances in order, you might want to think about your motivation for doing so. It could be love.

Is this from a man's perspective? If so, this is new to me . . . and I am pleased.

Aphrodite

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lioneye68
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Posts: 6062
From: Canada
Registered: Apr 2003

posted July 26, 2003 06:38 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lioneye68     Edit/Delete Message
Randall, I liked this list so much I copied and emailed it to my B/F, (not that he doesn't already know that he's hit it).

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cat71
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From: Neverland...
Registered: May 2002

posted July 26, 2003 08:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for cat71     Edit/Delete Message
In short, I'm thinking this girl is either non-existent or single!
Is it just me or does the explanation for #6 sound more like subservience then respect?

I'm thinking I could get deep with this one, but will leave it at that for now

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anafaery
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Posts: 864
From: west coast, yummy rain forest, canada
Registered: Jun 2003

posted July 26, 2003 08:47 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for anafaery     Edit/Delete Message
hiya cat i have to wonder as you do... cause it could very well be a bit too subservient for my taste. course it depends (as all of these do) if its reciprocal. theres nothing wrong with bringing your fella a drink for a little treat for him, just cause you are up and wanted to do a nice thing. that statement bugged me though, cause it was worded as though it was expected. puh to that i say. bring ME a drink once in awhile, and heck ill be backatcha for sure. i am certainly no ones slave though. i wont be taken for granted either. i am much like all of these things but only if we are both cooperative. once that breaks down, then i stop cause i aint doing all the work in a relationship. my husband and me actually had this problem once. he got depressed i guess, cause he didnt have permission to work in canada and i was supporting us BOTH on my meager disability pension thingy. well he started just being kinda selfish, and would hog the pooter all night, and never clean up his messes, much less take initiative and do things that needed to be done here. so, after awhile, and after talking to him about it and telling him 'hey hon, weve both got to keep it clean here' i just stopped doing anything myself. i thought fine, if he wants to live in a pig sty, then so be it. im not cleaning up after myself AND him when hes not doing anything but stay up all night playing pc games.

hes learned now. he knows (especially because of my back which has gotten really bad) that hes gotta contribute too. i certainly wont nag either, its not in my nature. that doesnt mean that he can sit there and do nothing.

i think you get what you give in a relationship, and if the balance is uneven, than you arent gonna be happy and you might well be better served looking elsewhere for what you need.

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ally
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Posts: 269
From: U.S.
Registered: Jun 2003

posted July 26, 2003 09:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ally     Edit/Delete Message
I have a few problems with that list.


Number one : I don't think so. If a woman is your motivation for "being a better man",then what type of person were you to begin with? And what kind of woman do you think you'll attract beforehand? Not the perfect girlfriend,that's for sure.

Number 5: Whatever. Respecting your boyfriend has NOTHING to do with bringing him and his "buddies" a beer and if she does that,it determines nothing. If a woman makes you want to be a better man,then you shouldn't be drinking beer,now should you?

Number 7: She's beautiful. Yes,this one is obvious. But only because we all (man or woman) are mostly visual creatures. However,this attribute is totally irrelevent because there's no such thing as generally beautiful,so there's no way to determine whether your girlfriend is beautiful or not,except how you feel when you look at her.


I completely agree with the other numbers,though.

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lioneye68
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Posts: 6062
From: Canada
Registered: Apr 2003

posted July 26, 2003 10:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lioneye68     Edit/Delete Message
RE: Bringing him and his buds a round of beer,etc...
I didn't take it that way. I took it as meaning just being an all around good sport about him hanging with his buds, and even sitting in now and then and joining in on the banter. Not acting all pissy pants about him having his buds over and ignoring you.
Just being hospitable about it, and maybe whipping up some snacks for them, like you would for your family or your own freinds, just cuz girls are better at that sort of thing.
I'm no door mat, but I AM just a really good sport. Believe me, I'm not afraid to impose on my man when it serves my purpose too. It has to go both ways

P.S. Then again, I AM a Leo afterall. We LOVE to entertain, and we're notoriously good hosts. (hostesses)

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ally
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Registered: Jun 2003

posted July 26, 2003 11:07 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ally     Edit/Delete Message
That's true. But being a good sport has nothing to do with respect.

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lioneye68
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Posts: 6062
From: Canada
Registered: Apr 2003

posted July 26, 2003 11:31 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lioneye68     Edit/Delete Message
That's true. That line doesn't do anything but take away from his valid point about her having respect for him as a person.

It just didn't belong with that point. His point was well made already. Maybe it was a copy/paste error? It looks like it belongs with point #5.

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silverbells
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Posts: 1506
From: The second star to the right (which shines in the night for'eer)
Registered: Apr 2003

posted July 27, 2003 02:40 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for silverbells     Edit/Delete Message
I actually appreciate number six because that's a given, any guy who doesn't let me talk, I don't even bother to say anything of importance to and it just fizzles out. Why should I waste my time talking to someone who is not even listening just because they don't agree? Obviously they don't respect me or care about me at all. I also agree with the second part of number six because who wants to be around someone who will make you feel bad for your opinions and feelings in any way or talks about private things in public (what is private does vary from person to person) that is such a major turn-off Really major.

I think that number one is the best one because it's when you really love someone that you see how you could be better because you realize your potential and because to quote the movie "Karma Sutra": "Love...is a call to ripen" so wanting to be better for the person doesn't mean that you had some sort of major problem before it just means that loving that person and them loving you has turmed you on to a whole new scene.

------------------
Just find a soulmate and then let go of your resistance; you'll live happy-ever-after from the start-Michael Franks

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lioneye68
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From: Canada
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posted July 27, 2003 01:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lioneye68     Edit/Delete Message
It means you just want to be darn sure that you're worthy of the love they feel for you. You don't want to disappoint them.
Heck we all have room for improvement. Who dares to say they don't??? WHO?
Love makes you look closely at yourself and ask, "What do I need to clean up?". You don't want to jeopardize anything by being a loser in any way.

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N_wEvil
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posted July 27, 2003 01:16 PM           Edit/Delete Message
I hear ya lioneye - but that whole improvement thing can really be pushed too far sometimes.

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Carlo
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From: Second America
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posted July 27, 2003 01:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Carlo     Edit/Delete Message
trait #11:

a girl who doesn't mind if this is your Halloween costume...

and who every few minutes of walking around the party will turn and stuff her chest into it for extra laughs...

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ally
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From: U.S.
Registered: Jun 2003

posted July 27, 2003 03:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ally     Edit/Delete Message
That's not even funny. It's stupid. I guess number 11 only applies to boys in junior high.

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N_wEvil
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posted July 27, 2003 03:45 PM           Edit/Delete Message
well...it could be.

It *IS* possible to be serious and also be able to have a bit of fun at the same time, y'know

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silverbells
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From: The second star to the right (which shines in the night for'eer)
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posted July 27, 2003 07:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for silverbells     Edit/Delete Message
Oh for Goodness sakes Carlo where did you get that picture?! Is that you? I would actually be more than a bit disgusted if my boyfriend had that as a Halloween costume because I would think that he still thinks that he is single. I would however be insanely amused if I saw some other guy wearing that costume.

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Lunargirl
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posted July 27, 2003 11:51 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lunargirl     Edit/Delete Message
I like this list!

No writer can possibly hit the perfect tone and points that we all want to hear, or hold dear, but this Jonathan Carlson's done a great job!

And bless you, Carlo, for your wonderful whacked reminder that a lustful sense of humour also goes a lonnnnng way in a relationship!

I'm still chuckling over

quote:
or on top of the dryer --

Lunargirl

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lioneye68
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From: Canada
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posted July 28, 2003 03:49 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lioneye68     Edit/Delete Message
Too FUNNY, Carlo....I got this pic in an email, and tried to convince my sweetie to steel this idea for a costume, but he's a bashfull Virgo, even w/Leo rising.

I don't think I'd like other girls taking him up on the offer, mind you. That would be grounds for a fur-flyin CAT fight!

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cat71
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From: Neverland...
Registered: May 2002

posted July 28, 2003 07:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for cat71     Edit/Delete Message
Ana - I hear ya babe, I think I've maybe seen too many relationships where there's all drinks serving for the guys and lots of friction over girly nights out!
Ally - Also agree with you, beauty is so subjective, who's to say what's beautiful, remember the movie Shallow Hal???
Let's face it nobody falls in love because of so many ticks on a checklist
'Be a better man'? Hmmm, I liked 'You complete me', better!
How about a perfect boyfriend list? Now that would be interesting!!
Number 1 - Does his own laundry???

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Lost Leo
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From: CA
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posted July 28, 2003 07:45 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lost Leo     Edit/Delete Message
You WOMEN are WAY to OVER-SENSITIVE on the subservient thing... still holding on to some resentment from a past relationship? I think so...
Lighten up!

I read this article on MSN.com last week and it is perfect... very wise and very true, to the T...

I kinda wish they had an equivalent for the perfect boyfriend so we could compare and put some of this "subservient" over-sensitivity to rest...

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Lost Leo
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posted July 28, 2003 07:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lost Leo     Edit/Delete Message
BTW - Ally, you're WAY to sensitive...

I sense this reaction is caused by something/someone you hold bitterness to in your life...

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ally
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posted July 28, 2003 08:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ally     Edit/Delete Message
No. It just didn't seem funny to me.

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Aphrodite
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posted July 29, 2003 11:22 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aphrodite     Edit/Delete Message
I deleted the fluffy details, and kept the headlines. Not too bad, Randall It's a far cry from June Cleaver on the television show Leave It To Beaver, or Carol Brady from The Brady Bunch.

She's independent
She's intelligent
She's sexual
She's beautiful
She respects you
She lets you be a man
She's nagless
She gets along with friends & family
She loves you
She makes you want to be a better man

This also works both ways. Delete all the S's at the beginning of the sentences , and replace man with woman, and beautiful with handsome . . . and there we go! (If a woman is heterosexual. If she is lesbian, keep it the same. If she is bisexual, then either way would be fine with her).

I think men with Aquarius in their charts are truthfully better correlated to the above listed sentiments. They are great partners to have if a woman chooses to pursue a career, and the men are even better parents this way because they realize the additional responsibility upon them to be fathers. These are the men who will be excited for you to go back to school, pursue new career opportunities, support you when others criticize you for "wearing pants" in the world. And, they are the least, if not, jealous if a woman makes more money than him.

One must also consider that not all men desire these listed qualities. Every man is different, granted. There are some out there who want to financially and emotionally support women, some who chase after women who do not respect them, men who get caught in relationships with physically and psychologically abusive women, and women who constantly put down men and make them think they are small people. There are also men who remain in relationships with women who do not care about sexual health. Sometimes there are hormonal issues (such as those that cause disinterest in sex) or inhibitions women have that are not dealt with. There are women with these qualities, and there are men who become involved with them. This is life as we know it for many, and these things do happen.

Just thoughts.

Aphrodite

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Carlo
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From: Second America
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posted July 29, 2003 01:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Carlo     Edit/Delete Message
no that's not me...it's Lucas, he and I were hanging out at this party, see, and...OWWW!

{{{the sound of ally punching carlo}}}

sry, that was so clearly junior high, please forgive me

lol

ally, kisskiss

Love,
Carlo

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cat71
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From: Neverland...
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posted July 29, 2003 04:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for cat71     Edit/Delete Message
Lost Leo - I'm sorry if you think me over-sensitive, not hanging on to old baggage, just observant in what's going on in the world today - probably the only place I have seen/heard of sensitive, non-sexist men is hear in Lindaland, but it does give me hope!
Carlos I did think that was funny, but yeah, don't know if I could handle a partner of mine wearing it, someone might take him up on the offer, though I suppose it would be okay if I could wear the counterpart 'Put it here and Cough' outfit!!

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