Lindaland
  Lindaland Central
  Somebody help me......

Post New Topic  Post A Reply
profile | register | preferences | faq

UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone! next newest topic | next oldest topic
Author Topic:   Somebody help me......
destinygal
Knowflake

Posts: 4
From: Australia
Registered: Oct 2004

posted October 16, 2004 04:45 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for destinygal     Edit/Delete Message
I am dating a aquarius guy,I have been depressed for sometime due to trying to work him out,one minute he loves me the next he is very cold.I kept on feeling he was using me,he broke lots of promises to me.he says he cant cope with my depression and now he wants to be friends again,he confuses me all the time..I told him do you want me out of your life for good and he says no...im so confused when he does that to me...He was badly hurt bye a girl before and tells me he is scared of being hurt again...so we brake off and then he keeps comming back to me to start as friends and see what happens slowely...ITS DRIVING ME AROUND THE BEND...Im a sag.


Destinygal

IP: Logged

Gia
Knowflake

Posts: 1154
From: California
Registered: May 2004

posted October 16, 2004 08:50 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Gia     Edit/Delete Message
I would try and stay friends if you can do that without fretting. It seems he's not sure what he wants. He may be scared and it may take awhile for him to work through that.

It's important you give yourself room not to get too upset if he pulls away now and then. Also if you get too clingy, he may pull back more often and feel pressured.

My hubby always told me every single opportunity he got, that he would never marry me. I didn't really care about the marriage thing too much, but he told me so often, that I began to think that perhaps I had something badly wrong with me. I started to think it might be nice to be asked at least.

I'm a Sag and so independent it's untrue. I just told him that it was not an issue and not something that I would spend my time worrying about and that basically I didn't want to marry him anyway!

Two years later he finally popped the question over dinner. I wondered if he'd consumed too much wine. We've been married now 20+ years. He tells me it was just absolute fear and nothing else. I rib him about it every anniversary. Give both of you more time. Be friends and enjoy each other without pressure.

Good luck hon.

Gia

IP: Logged

destinygal
Knowflake

Posts: 4
From: Australia
Registered: Oct 2004

posted October 16, 2004 09:07 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for destinygal     Edit/Delete Message
Thank you for the reply Gia,I miss him so much,Its really hard as he lives right across the street from me.Its really strange why he wont let me leave his life,he keeps me around for something...ill keep u posted as to how things go

Cheers
Destinygal

IP: Logged

trillian
Knowflake

Posts: 4050
From: The Boundless
Registered: Mar 2003

posted October 16, 2004 11:14 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for trillian     Edit/Delete Message
A little tough love for you, destinygal.
He's not keeping you around.
You're keeping yourself around.
He is not good for your health or state of mind, and deep inside, you know it.

Someone who cares for you wouldn't treat you that way. Someone who cares would respect you and treat you gently. Gia's husband was honest, and she always had the choice to say I accept that you want to be single, or I don't accept it and I'll move on.

Let's all get a copy of the book He's Just Not That Into You.

Be strong. We're all guilty of believing we can change the object of our affection, but we can't. We can only change ourselves. So Just say NO. Remind yourself of your own self-worth. If you want to be respected, stop allowing him to disrespect you.

IP: Logged

Philbird
Knowflake

Posts: 3396
From: Here, there and everywhere.
Registered: Jun 2004

posted October 16, 2004 12:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Philbird     Edit/Delete Message
Trillian,
I agree with you and Gia.
I didn't hear he was treating her badly. He sounds confused.
Maybe he wants to be friends until you work out the depression issues. There are a lot of comments on this site stating you are responsible for your own feelings. He is not depressing you, you are intrepting his actions as depressive. If you don't like those feelings, you can walk away, before both of you get hurt. I would be hesitant to date someone who was depressed. It can be very emotionally demasnding on the partner. He seems like a reasonable guy, keeping in touch, and also keeping himself safe emotionally. I also wanted to point out your comments about being "confused." Hun, you need to work out who you are and what you want, and not let your depression or anyone else, dictate who and what you are day to day. He may be the one, he may not, but I'm betting he would appreciate an emotionally secure person. So he knows what to expect day to day.
Best of luck to you.

IP: Logged

destinygal
Knowflake

Posts: 4
From: Australia
Registered: Oct 2004

posted October 16, 2004 10:31 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for destinygal     Edit/Delete Message
Thankyou for your kind replys.Ill tell you a bit about my life.I was married to a animal for 13 teen years,i have 5 beautiful children to my ex husband,he used to beat us all daily.I thought my life was over till i met Michael the aquarius guy,ive been with him for a year now.My depression seeped into this relationship,ive had lots of ups and downs with Michael.My ex husband makes my life a living hell.Four days ago i took a overdose of tablets which i now know was not the solution to my problems.Michael went to pieces as to my actions and said i was selfish for what i did to him and my kids.He said he has now lost feeling for me because of what i did.I know he is scared now because he could of lost me.So i suppose by withdrawing from me now he can heal.I asked him yesterday is it over and he said no...I asked him did he want me out of his life and he said no.....He needs time to heal as i broke his heart.I think now he wants me to feel the pain he did because of the overdose

CHEERS
Destinygal xxx

IP: Logged

DeepIYM
Knowflake

Posts: 355
From: Colorful Colorado
Registered: Aug 2003

posted October 17, 2004 02:38 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for DeepIYM     Edit/Delete Message
Trillian, heir heir!
You are truly a wise soul (good thing, for you are a monitor).
Someone who cares actually shows an action of caring... Just because he says he cares, doesn't mean that he really does. So many people fall into disillusionment because of talk or promises.
Stop to think... Analyze... Be objective.
Does he really Care??? Really Really Care?
You may find yourself finding answers faster then waiting for his. Solutions, not problems.
With True Love, Randall.

IP: Logged

Gia
Knowflake

Posts: 1154
From: California
Registered: May 2004

posted October 17, 2004 08:43 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Gia     Edit/Delete Message
I disagree. My partner was so scared of another relationship, that at times he was not only cold but darn right freezing! It was fear. It was a kind of unconscious test of our friendship.

We remained friends and dated on and off until he could trust that I was me. I'm not saying it's the same in all cases, but he was so hurt in his past relationship, that in his case it was a kind of self sabotage.

A case of let me see if you'll still be around if? It did help that I was able to continue with my life regardless though. He is the most loving and supportive man. Has been my best friend for over 20 years. He always cared, but his fear of failure was strong and all he needed to know was that I was stronger.

Gia

IP: Logged

DeepIYM
Knowflake

Posts: 355
From: Colorful Colorado
Registered: Aug 2003

posted October 17, 2004 05:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for DeepIYM     Edit/Delete Message
But Gia,
it seems to me, that after you had questioned and put forth faith, that it had paid off. You wondered, did you not? Your mate truly did care and now you are a couple of 20+ years! On the other hand, destinygal is Depressed, and as a someone who can empathize with that state of mind, I know that that can curtail judgment...
"he broke lots of promises to me. he says he cant cope with my depression and now he wants to be friends again, he confuses me all the time.." These are the words written by her hand. To me this would seem a good indicator of some one who doesn't care, not someone who is in fear.

Randall III

IP: Logged

trillian
Knowflake

Posts: 4050
From: The Boundless
Registered: Mar 2003

posted October 17, 2004 07:42 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for trillian     Edit/Delete Message
The thing we should pay the most attention to in this thread is the admission that destinygal took an overdose of pills four days ago.

destinygal, you need some professional help. You are not emotionally strong enough to be in a relationship at this time, and it seems the Aquarius knows this. If a boyfriend of mine tried to overdose based on what he perceived was my behavior towards him, I would be deeply alarmed and concerned. I would gently support him while extracting myself from any serious side to the relationship. He is scared, and I would be too.

We cannot rely on another for our well being. You need to work on yourself before you can work on a relationship.

I wish you well, and I wish you healing.

IP: Logged

All times are Eastern Standard Time

next newest topic | next oldest topic

Administrative Options: Close Topic | Archive/Move | Delete Topic
Post New Topic  Post A Reply
Hop to:

Contact Us | Linda-Goodman.com

Copyright 2007

Powered by Infopop www.infopop.com © 2000
Ultimate Bulletin Board 5.46a