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Author Topic:   Nothing Much
Heart--Shaped Cross
Knowflake

Posts: 7178
From: 11/6/78 11:38am Boston, MA
Registered: Aug 2004

posted June 09, 2005 08:12 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Heart--Shaped Cross     Edit/Delete Message
This post will try to express nothing in particular...

This post will fail miserably...

If I'm not part of the solution...

I was sad when I sat down to type...

To share with my fellow Knowflakes the isolation I feel...

(Something ironic in that, I guess)...

Stark moments of self-conscious awareness today...

But something made me laugh; The Simpsons.

Its that easy, I guess.

Guess I'm just shallow.

Yeah, let me share that, this is healthy.

Never know whether to share this negativity or not.

Rather bottle it up, let it explode somewhere deep inside, undetected.

I know I need an outlet.

Said goodbye to drugs.

The girl is out of reach these past few days...

Somehow a journal doesnt cut it,
sick of talking to myself...

But should I take it out on you?

The Buddhists say there's enough suffering, dont add to it.

Am I adding to it?

Or just passing it around...?

Sweeping it under Your rug.

Are we in this together?

Am I here all alone?

Dont reply to this, please,
dont offer any consolation, unless you have it to give freely,
I dont want anyone to give more than they can spare.

Why am I doing this?

Am I just Self-absorbed?

Sometimes a hug feels like a slap,
a slap can feel like a hug.

Do you know what I mean?

Do I, REALLY?

"Psycho Killer, Ques que say?"

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Saturn's Child
Knowflake

Posts: 867
From: Just left of center
Registered: May 2004

posted June 09, 2005 08:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Saturn's Child     Edit/Delete Message
Hey! I got lots to share!!!!!
And, NO, you're not shallow!!!!
And, No, you're not adding to the pain, misery, whatever......besides, I have hardwood floors!!!

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Heart--Shaped Cross
Knowflake

Posts: 7178
From: 11/6/78 11:38am Boston, MA
Registered: Aug 2004

posted June 09, 2005 08:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Heart--Shaped Cross     Edit/Delete Message
hardwood floors?

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virgotaurustaurus
Knowflake

Posts: 2474
From: upstate NY, USA
Registered: Oct 2004

posted June 09, 2005 08:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for virgotaurustaurus     Edit/Delete Message
nowhere to sweep things under Saturn's rug!

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Heart--Shaped Cross
Knowflake

Posts: 7178
From: 11/6/78 11:38am Boston, MA
Registered: Aug 2004

posted June 09, 2005 08:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Heart--Shaped Cross     Edit/Delete Message
thanks

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Heart--Shaped Cross
Knowflake

Posts: 7178
From: 11/6/78 11:38am Boston, MA
Registered: Aug 2004

posted June 09, 2005 08:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Heart--Shaped Cross     Edit/Delete Message
oh, i get it
thanks vtt

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Bluemoon
Knowflake

Posts: 4456
From: Stafford, VA USA
Registered: Feb 2005

posted June 09, 2005 08:22 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Bluemoon     Edit/Delete Message
find your dynamic stillness, your inner chi!

Steve!! you just need something to amuse your self. I am sure you will come up with something.

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Heart--Shaped Cross
Knowflake

Posts: 7178
From: 11/6/78 11:38am Boston, MA
Registered: Aug 2004

posted June 09, 2005 08:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Heart--Shaped Cross     Edit/Delete Message
thanx bluemoon
you're right
I'll find something
thanks

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Philbird
Knowflake

Posts: 3396
From: Here, there and everywhere.
Registered: Jun 2004

posted June 09, 2005 08:55 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Philbird     Edit/Delete Message
OK, you're gonna have to note when you are and are not serious....because I thought that was hilarious!

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maya-v
Knowflake

Posts: 1534
From:
Registered: Dec 2004

posted June 10, 2005 09:54 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for maya-v     Edit/Delete Message
Soliloquy of Hearts (with Simon Thurlow)
by Rose Limongi

From the well of the soul springs forth a feeling

Anchored yet fluid it moves about the churning sea heart

Brought to the fore by the rage of emotional disease

Swirling, spiraling, demanding, to be denied no longer

The enigma that swelled under the might of self-doubt

Metamorphed into something quite unexpected

In chrysalis form it was no more than a child

Now broken free of the animosity that caged it within

From the darkened realms of nightmarish visions

To the sun-kissed vista that swelled with pride

Never-ending journey to a dream held so dear

Determination rife and refusing to be quelled

Exacerbated emotions bubbling to the surface

Tears long since congealed return to life

No longer a symbol of misery and distress

But a talisman of all that was simply meant to be

Bathed in an orgy of long lost yearning

Succumbing to the inevitable without a care

Knowing at last the chains have been severed

Exulting in a warmth simply cradled by love

A smile is now visible as one of contentment

Sense of serenity for the first time in years

Acknowledging that fate has turned a card in favour

Awaiting the next step that one must surely take

Ever mindful of the reality that anchored this feeling

Bound by duty and obligation, yet love soars still

Enduring moments of anguish while daring to dream

Preparing for the day ahead when all becomes as it should

Armoured in love as the life battle arrives on the horizon

Sunrise justice illuminates the path eradicating the darkness

A child no more, this feeling slays foes and removes barriers

Clinging steadfast to the belief that love is a dream

One fulfilled when it meets with the sea heart reality

The sufferance of injustice weeps on the wind

For the souls that flowered in the wrong place and time

Searching for deliverance from the crooked hand of fate

Holding on to the dream of one day being released

Anaemic alibis were quickly rumbled

But merely served to reinforce the feeling that it was always intended

Straightjacket holds tight but its time is passing

Breath no longer laboured for destiny is yet to play her hand

Absentia absolves the feeling of despair

A kiss on the dusk as real as could be

As the world turns slowly bringing two hearts ever closer

For the same wish echoes on a star in twilight hours

Each morning the sun rises as one looks to the East

Each evening it settles as the other looks to the West

Across the void they lock in union

One, not two, in a passionate embrace.

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pixelpixie
Knowflake

Posts: 5301
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted June 10, 2005 10:01 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for pixelpixie     Edit/Delete Message
Yeah.

No sympathy here.

Just empathy.

You and I have a lot of the same placements... c'nest pas?

And you have seen my woes here.
I think I can say with assurance, that I know. Different motivators perhaps, but I DO know.
Your isolation is safely shared here.

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leoelf
Knowflake

Posts: 574
From: In My Head
Registered: May 2005

posted June 10, 2005 11:04 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for leoelf     Edit/Delete Message
I smell an orgy . . .

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maya-v
Knowflake

Posts: 1534
From:
Registered: Dec 2004

posted June 10, 2005 11:06 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for maya-v     Edit/Delete Message
I feel awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwful ... somebody kill me, I made him feel this way ...

This demands much more than a simple punishment of thwackers ...

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pixelpixie
Knowflake

Posts: 5301
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted June 10, 2005 11:11 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for pixelpixie     Edit/Delete Message
Don't take ownness away from a Scorpio. He made himself feel, and will continue to do so forever and ever.
Circumstance, reaction, perspective.
My husband doesn't make me feel 'this way'.. no matter what he can do or not do.
It is a deep well inside that needs to be expressed in the medium one chooses.

No one has that kind of power.
Only within.

So relax.
And let him vent,
and you can vent
and we will listen to you both if you so choose.

Sometimes isolated things feel overwhelmingly connected.

Let it all happen and don't place or take blame.

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maya-v
Knowflake

Posts: 1534
From:
Registered: Dec 2004

posted June 10, 2005 11:20 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for maya-v     Edit/Delete Message
He is AWOL right now - I hav no idea where he is, he didnt take his phone with him and I am worried sick ...

If I knew he was ok, perhaps I wouldnt worry so much.

Thanks pix, as always, you are a rock when it comes to raging uranian thunderstorms in our tumultous story.

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Bluemoon
Knowflake

Posts: 4456
From: Stafford, VA USA
Registered: Feb 2005

posted June 10, 2005 02:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Bluemoon     Edit/Delete Message
Maya, relax! Find you dynamic stillness, your inner chi!!! calm soothing breaths!!! it will be fine. he is fine. No one can make anyone feel something. It is internal. I think he has alot of feeling to deal with right now. As I am sure you do to. THe turmoil will strengthen the realationship. I am really not the one to take realationship advice from, i suppose. But I really feel you will both work through all of the stuff that goes along with starting a relationship with someone.

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Jonathan Gull
Knowflake

Posts: 69
From: the clouds
Registered: May 2005

posted June 11, 2005 05:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jonathan Gull     Edit/Delete Message
Thanks bluemoon, for the wisdom,
maya, for the poem,
and pixie, for being you.

pixie,

I want to say something but I dont know what to say right now. A lot is going on, nothing is going on. Suffice it to say that I'm very touched by your remarks. For whatever reason, you (or the evolving impression I have of you), mean something to me, and your opinion of me has a pronounced influence on my self-image. Though you are considerate enough not to say so, I often imagine that I appear ridiculous (or worse) to you, as I often appear rididulous to myself, and I think, in consideration of the similarities we do share, you must see me much as I see myself at those moments. (for instance, right now, i'm expressing myself ridiculously - but, despite my awareness of it, I am determined not to revise my words, i would rather appear ridiculous, or, perhaps, i fear that no amount of revision would help)

A-n-y-w-a-y...

I thank you.

Though we come from different worlds,
it would appear we are similar in some very honest ways. And some part of me does feel very close to some part of you.

(You know what I mean. Such a dirty mind, pix!)

peace, love, empathy,
hsc

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pixelpixie
Knowflake

Posts: 5301
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted June 11, 2005 11:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for pixelpixie     Edit/Delete Message
Hmmmm.. I can get psychological, and analyse, and say that you feel ridiculous, therefore project that onto me and my perception, the one you imagine I have.
I don't think you are ridiculous.
I have empathy. I feel a lot even when I can't express it. In Fact, the more I understand something, the more silent I will be because words seem insignificant.
So when I try to express this knowing, it comes out garbled.
Maybe I have indicated, due to my own ridiculousness that I find you insignificant?
No... I just don't comment on a lot of things.
Sometimes I find these burgeoning love dramas a tad tiresome.. not their existence, but their uncertainty, and in the passion of feelings, things are misconstrued, and of course it feels lke a woe-is-me fest and I feel obligated to comment.
I mean, I don't mean to sound judgemental, because I do understand, and believe me, I have had and will continue to have my own dramas. Some I share, so I understand the inclination and the safety of this special place.

I just find myself thinking...
RELAX!!!
Let it happen! Stop perceiving this as the end of the world... But from the outside It looks diffrent... mayb it does feel like that. Some relationships are intense, and it sounds like this one is.
With intensity, and anything strong, comes uncertainty on a deeper level.

So once again.. I do not feel you are ridiculous.
Thank you for the nice things you said.
I am in no position to be elevated, I am just me.

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leoelf
Knowflake

Posts: 574
From: In My Head
Registered: May 2005

posted June 11, 2005 10:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for leoelf     Edit/Delete Message
Sorry about the orgy comment.

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Heart--Shaped Cross
Knowflake

Posts: 7178
From: 11/6/78 11:38am Boston, MA
Registered: Aug 2004

posted June 12, 2005 12:07 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Heart--Shaped Cross     Edit/Delete Message
pixie -


leoelf -

No need to apologize, but,
thank you, the gesture is noble and appreciated.

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Bluemoon
Knowflake

Posts: 4456
From: Stafford, VA USA
Registered: Feb 2005

posted June 12, 2005 10:44 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Bluemoon     Edit/Delete Message
I am not sure what is going on the the heavens but so many changes are happening, lot of learning and sprialing. It sure is happening around me. I really bealive we learn so much, or can learn much when we are in pain. Thas it why I am so smart!
Just a thought. Love you guys!!!!

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