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Author Topic:   commitment phobes....
and
Newflake

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Registered: Apr 2011

posted September 02, 2006 02:27 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for and     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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Isis
Newflake

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From: Brisbane, Australia
Registered: May 2009

posted September 02, 2006 02:42 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Isis     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think it depends on the individual and their situation. Personally my first thoughts would be that they have some emotional issues/commitment issues/self-esteem issues, although that's not necessarily true.

I have two friends, one late 30s, the other early 40s. One has never had a relationship at all, serious or otherwise, and the other has only had one semi serious relationship.

The guy who has never had a relationship has some serious self-esteem issues and confidance issues, and he has a fear of being in a relationship because of the pressures and strife that he's seen occur in other people's relationships - he views it as potentially more trouble than it's worth. He's a Pisces/Gemini Moon/Virgo Rising.

The other friend has had a couple short-term, semi serious relationships. He doesn't have commitment issues, he's just your super quiet techie type who isn't often in a position to meet women, and he's become very self contained and self sufficient so he doesn't seem to be actively looking. To be honest, I've never really been able to figure out what his deal is. He's Scorp/Aries Moon/Sag Rising.

My step father also didn't really ever have a serious relationship before he met my mom when he was in his mid-late 40s. What is interesting in his situation is that he's pretty outgoing and chatty - usually not typical for the other guys I know who were single that long. A good deal of his younger years were spent focused on his business and traveling, and he never wanted kids really. He's Cappy (I don't know what his other aspects are).

I would blame the phenomenon more on self esteem issues and lack of confidance than than on an unwillingess to commit. I've known commitment-phobes, those guys usually were "playas", who just couldn't/wouldn't commit to only one woman.

edit: Interestingly, I've never met a woman who has never had any kind of serious/semi serious relationship. I've known some Virgo women who had a serious relationship or two and afterwards just kinda quit dating altogether for decades, but never even heard of a woman in her 40's who has never had a serious relationship (except maybe nuns?). /shrug

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Scorpionic Web
Knowflake

Posts: 67
From: Philadelphia
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 02, 2006 07:15 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Scorpionic Web     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
As I'm sure with most people, I don't commit unless I'm moved deeply enough emotionally.

I know "deeply enough" is a relative term, but as happy as I may be with a woman, if I don't see her as THE ONE for me, then I feel I shouldn't waste her time or mine with constraints of commitment.

I don't have a fear of commitment, I fear the day that I realize I'm stuck with the wrong person. Then what?

Conversely, this same fear pervades my view of myself being burned. I would hope for the sake of my own heart, that a woman wouldn't be able to commit to me unless I was the only man for her. I would hate to feel the comforting bliss of committed love, only to have her rip herself away from me.

Commitment is a risk that I feel should be saved for only the best, even if I never find her.

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and
Newflake

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posted September 02, 2006 07:37 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for and     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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AcousticGod
Knowflake

Posts: 5366
From: Pleasanton, CA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 03, 2006 02:04 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for AcousticGod     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I agree with Scorpionic Web. I think many of those same things.

I think I also have the additional burden of not wanting to lose my independence even if it may be good for me. I really enjoy doing my own thing without the burden of maintaining someone else's emotions. I have a serious amount of Gemini and Sag in my chart, and it's just difficult to bear the weight of someone's desire for me to essentially not be mutable, or to feel more passionately in a particular way that they expect. I realize it when it happens, too. I know when a certain reaction is desired, but I'm unable to give it because I see alternate sides. I wish I could be of a more 'fixed' mindset at those times, but I'm not. I almost always think that anything's possible, so why commit to an answer that may lead to regret later? I have my Sag stellium in the 7th house. Romantically, it's a very confusing set of placements.

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AcousticGod
Knowflake

Posts: 5366
From: Pleasanton, CA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 03, 2006 02:16 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for AcousticGod     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Oh, he's an Aqua. That should be it right there, right?

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and
Newflake

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From:
Registered: Apr 2011

posted September 03, 2006 03:09 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for and     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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