posted March 13, 2007 07:33 AM         

There are some things that money can't buy. For everything else, my salary isn't sufficient !!

I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.

They can't fire me, slaves have to be sold.

Home is where the television is.

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.

Death is hereditary.

Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

Experience is what a comb gives you after you lose your hair.

Well done is better than well said.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Pessimist: A person that looks both ways when crossing a one way street.

The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an approachingtrain.

Where there's a will there are five hundred relatives.

I have a drinking problem - I can't afford it.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Everyone should have a spouse, because there are anumber of thing that go wrong that one can't blame on the government.

There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right side.

posted March 13, 2007 08:30 AM         

quote:

---

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.

---

posted March 13, 2007 08:42 AM         

hehe just kidding!

and my favourite one is

quote:

---

I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.

---

posted March 13, 2007 09:10 AM         

If the enemy is in range, so are you.

Incoming fire has the right of way.

Don't look conspicuous: it draws fire.

The easy way is always mined.
Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.

Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.

The enemy invariably attacks on one of two occasions:

1. When you're ready for them. 2. When you're not ready for them.

Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.

If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed at you.

If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.

Don't draw fire, it irritates the people around you.

The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.

If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.

When in doubt, empty the magazine.

Never share a fox hole with anyone braver than you.

Anything you do can get you shot. Including doing nothing.

Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.

Mines are equal opportunity weapons.

A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.

Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.

The quartermaster has only two sizes: too large and too small.

posted March 14, 2007 05:13 AM         

here are some more...

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...
~Sir Norman Wisdom

One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.
~Edgar Watson Howe

A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!
~Doug Larson

A harmful truth is always better then...a useful lie!
~Eric Bolton

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
~Erno Philips

I only go to work on days that don’t end in a 'y'.
~Robert Paul

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
~Phyllis Diller

Laughter is the closest distance between two people.
~Victor Borge

Start every day with a smile and get it over with.
~W.C. Fields

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
~Will Rogers

Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.
~Mickey Rooney

Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison.
~Tim Allen

If you never want to see a man again, say, 'I love you, I want to marry you. I want to have children...' – they’ll leave skid marks.
~Rita Rudner

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
~Woody Allen

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.
~Erica Jong

Don't take life too seriously; you'll never get out of it alive.
~Elbert Hubbard

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
~Wendell Johnson

In life, it's not who you know that’s important, its how your wife found out.
~Joey Adams

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
~Henry Youngman

Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?
~Benny Hill

posted March 21, 2007 06:43 AM         

If you love someone,
Set her free...
If she comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, she never was....

THE NEW VERSIONS.....

Pessimist:
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, as expected, she never was

Optimist:
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
Don't worry, she will come back.

Suspicious:
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, ask her why.

Impatient:
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she doesn't come back within some time
forget her.

Patient:
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she doesn't come back, continue to wait
until she comes back ...

Playful:
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
* If she comes back,
and if you love her still,
set her free again, repeat *

C++ Programmer:
if(you-love(m_she))
m_she.free()
if(m_she == NULL)
m_she= new CShe;

Animal-Rights Activist:
If you love someone,
Set her free,
In fact, all living creatures deserve to be free!!

Lawyers:
If you love someone,
Set her free,
Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the Second
Amendment of the Matrimonial Freedom Act
clearly states that...

Bill Gates :
If you love someone,
Set her free,
If she comes back,
I think we can charge her for re-installation fees
but tell her that she's also going to get an upgrade.

Biologist :
If you love someone,
Set her free,
She'll evolve.

Statisticians : (Apte)
If you love someone,
Set her free,
If she loves you,
the probability of her coming back is high
If she doesn't, your relation was improbable anyway.

Schwarzenegger's fans:
If you love someone,
Set her free,
SHE'LL BE BACK!

Over possessive person:
If you love someone
don't set her free.

HR specialist:
If you love someone
set her free by
Offering her VRS and other benefits
Then outsource her.

Psychologist
If you love someone set her free
If she comes back her super ego is dominant
If she doesn't come back her id is supreme
If she doesn't go, she must be crazy.

Somnabulist
If you love someone set her free
If she comes back it's a nightmare
If she doesn't, you must be dreaming.

ERP functional expert
If you love someone set her free
If she comes back, map her into your system
If she doesn't, carry out a gap-fit analysis

Finance expert
If you love someone set her free
If she comes back, its time to look for fresh loans
If she doesn't, write her off as an asset gone bad.

Marketing Specialist
If you love someone set her free
If she comes back she has brand loyalty
If she doesn't, reposition the brand in new market

MBA
If you love someone
set her free instantaneously
and look for others simultaneously