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Author Topic:   Ant-stress tips required- desperate housewife/mum
ListensToTrees
Knowflake

Posts: 3844
From: Infinity
Registered: Jul 2005

posted June 21, 2007 04:18 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ListensToTrees     Edit/Delete Message
Please help....I am the mother of two boys, 1 and 3. I am not good at coping with stress whatsoever. In fact, I just do not know how to cope with it. The constant whining and crying I hear all day goes right through me and drains. How do I not get affected by it. HOW can I cope? It is a skill I do not possess but DESPERATELY want to find.....

Please help, if you can

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*MISS*ARIES
Knowflake

Posts: 54
From: EARTH
Registered: May 2007

posted June 21, 2007 04:43 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for *MISS*ARIES     Edit/Delete Message
Im so sorry to hear that you're having a difficult time dealing w/ stressful situations right now. I personally think parenting is one of the most trying areas in life. Are you a stay at home mom? Do you have time to yourself?

I am a single mother of a very energetic 4year old that has his own unique rythem to life and can be very stressful. There are times where I find myself not dealing w/ it in the most positive way and then i get the guilt that goes feeling that i'm not being the type of parent i thought i could be.

Are you finding your main source of stress to be w/ the children or w/ outside elements that cause it and thus making it's focus being on the children? Sorry...lots of questions.

I've found music to be a good outlet for me. Nap time and music can do wonders for the soul. Also a schedule/routine that you and the kids can go by day to day that can be depended on will help them w/ knowing what is expected with them. Just tell yourself when you feel the stress coming on "I can handle anything that comes my way. I am strong and will face this head on and will grow from this trying moment." cheesy? maybe. But say it enough and you'll start to believe it.

sending positive light your way
*Miss*Aries

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BlueRoamer
Knowflake

Posts: 3944
From: Calm Blue Ocean, Calm Blue Ocean
Registered: Jun 2003

posted June 21, 2007 05:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BlueRoamer     Edit/Delete Message
T'ai chi
yoga
meditation
soothing baths
walks in nature, or anywhere
running
valerian
dark/soft colors (blues, greens, greys)
Benzodiazapenes (get these from a doctor)
Prayer/church
Journaling
Talking to someone who cares


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Happy Dragon
Knowflake

Posts: 2886
From:
Registered: Apr 2005

posted June 21, 2007 05:42 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Happy Dragon     Edit/Delete Message
i live next door to a couple of SCREECH-ing young .. er .. ladies ..
4 and 7 i think ..
and the 'other next door' also entertain yelling young 'uns ..
also females ( yep .. they Are the noisiest ) ...
and yes .. i've got incredibly stressed from it ..

by 'next door' i mean adjoining walls ..

so apart from having a good talk to the parents regarding this ..
( and that did help) ..
i've noticed that .. playing classical music .. seems to calm them down somehow

Mozart works really well .. actually that's been proven in the classroom ..
the kids calm down .. and seem to do better at their schoolwork ..
and i've no idea why Mozart ..

so find a classical music radio station .. and leave it playing ..
it might just work ..

was going to suggest re: your other f.f.a. post ..
that you post your data for a birth chart ..

transits could be stressing you and the little ones out a bit ..
include the kids' data ..
it might be useful to know when they get a Mars transit for example ..
however i'm not a parent ..
so maybe the parents here could say if that's a good idea .. or not ..

i'm pretty sure me 'n the kids next door have similar transits at the same time .. :-))
they go nuts .. i get stressed ..
Strauss waltzes work as well .. probably 'cause i turn the volume up ..
come to think of it ..
i once bought a 'new age' type CD for a friend ..
i.e. chill out music ..
i was told later that it really helped calm the kids down ..

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ListensToTrees
Knowflake

Posts: 3844
From: Infinity
Registered: Jul 2005

posted June 21, 2007 05:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ListensToTrees     Edit/Delete Message
Thanks. I appreciate it. I am going to try out a few of these tips.

Birth data:
Tom 20/05/06 3.57pm, Bristol, UK
Johnny 15/10/03 11.11pm, Bristol, UK

Me: 25/05/80 11.35pm, Bristol, UK

Its funny....Johnny was born at 11 minutes past 11...those numbers again.....in room 8, weighing 8 pounds and 8 ounces.....was quite a lengthy and painful labour but Tom's was very quick and relatively easy.....numerology.

Thanks, guys

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miss_muffet
Knowflake

Posts: 832
From:
Registered: Mar 2004

posted June 21, 2007 05:58 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for miss_muffet     Edit/Delete Message
I find that getting out of the house at least once a week to do whatever you WANT to do (as opposed to doing what you NEED to do) very therapeutic. You should try that if you can.

I know this can be very difficult but if you can get someone to watch your kids for 8 hours... and have that 8 hours to do what you want; it will really give you back your energy to enjoy your kids more when you get home.

MM

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InLoveWithLife
Knowflake

Posts: 1530
From: Wonderland
Registered: Aug 2006

posted June 21, 2007 05:59 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for InLoveWithLife     Edit/Delete Message
Do your kids have a lot of fire in their charts?

Finding an activity for them which doesn't involve you too much might help. (atleast for the older one). building blocks, clay etc. i dunno.

my mum's experience was tht i started being very whiny when my sister was born. it was because i felt that i was being ignored. and i can testify to tht. i was always very jealous of my sister. my mom tells me i used to fall sick very often after my sis was born. we have a similar age gap too.

may be that's whts happening with your older kid. especially if he was really pampered before the arrival of the second one. may be reassuring him on a daily basis might help. or trying to get him to bond with the younger one. you cud get him to participate in taking care of the younger one. tht ways he will feel 'included' and 'responsible'. i know i only felt anything towards my sister when i saw tht she followed me and depended on me. tht's when i stopped looking at her as a rival.

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Happy Dragon
Knowflake

Posts: 2886
From:
Registered: Apr 2005

posted June 21, 2007 06:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Happy Dragon     Edit/Delete Message
ok LTT .. i've noted those dates ..
( edit 6/22 )

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ListensToTrees
Knowflake

Posts: 3844
From: Infinity
Registered: Jul 2005

posted June 21, 2007 06:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ListensToTrees     Edit/Delete Message
Why, thank you ever so much, Happy Dragon! It is ever so kind of you!

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naiad
Knowflake

Posts: 1645
From:
Registered: Sep 2006

posted June 21, 2007 06:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for naiad     Edit/Delete Message
dear ListenstoTrees ~

i really believe that flower essences would work wonders for you....and your children.

have you tried them? they have alleviated the worst kinds of stress for me, and they are amazing in kids as well. the material covering this is deep, comprehensive and extensive.

you can look up the bach flower essences online, find one of the many excellent books about them, find a flower essence practitioner who will advise you of the correct combinations....any number of approaches.

i too would be happy to discuss their application with you, if you'd like. JuniperB here is a flower essence master. she makes her own essences in fact.

they really are so effective...please consider this option. i think you might be very pleased with the results.

you can start with rescue remedy today...a Bach combination of 5 of the essences, designed to relieve a myriad of stressful situations. they are available at most natural markets. i'm sure it would help tremendously with any stress you are feeling atm. you can administer it to your babes as well....the homeopathic nature of the essences is extremely gentle and non-harmful. the worst that can happen with the essences is -- nothing.

sending peaceful wishes of soothing love to you.... naiad

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Happy Dragon
Knowflake

Posts: 2886
From:
Registered: Apr 2005

posted June 21, 2007 07:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Happy Dragon     Edit/Delete Message
listen to trees ..

i didn't realise that your in the u.k.
~ http://www.classicfm.co.uk/ ~ .. 100.30 FM ..
well even if your not ( in the uk ) .. they broadcast thru the internet as well ..
it's got quite a wide age range of listeners .. teens to o.a.p's ..
apart from the naff adversting .. the music is pretty good ..

at seven every evening they have chill out type music ..
over night on sundays they ( sometimes) have electronic music ..
again .. chill out type vibes ..

if you like choral music .. they have one CD called ''voices" ..
i've yet to purchase it ..
but what they've played on the air .. well it's very calming to listen to ..

i have it playing all day .. 'n sometimes all night .. :-))

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goatgirl
Knowflake

Posts: 954
From: Anywhere
Registered: Jul 2002

posted June 21, 2007 08:49 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for goatgirl     Edit/Delete Message
LTT,

I had a daughter 23 months apart from twin boys. I remember well those times. It's tough being a parent especially since they are so young, and they really do need all of you. Do you have any support, like family, friends? Do you have other mothers with young children around? Having playdates is a good thing, kids get to play, moms get to bond and cry/moan/b!tch or whatever they need. There were times when I just cried too along with the children. Going through your Saturn Return can make challenges for you as well.

http://www.amazon.com/Path-Parenting-Twelve-Principles-Journey/dp/1577310780

THis book has been such a wonderful gift for me. It helped me become much less stressed and more open.

One thing I remember most, was that when crying/whining started I needed to deeply breathe, otherwise I found myself getting caught up in the stress of the emotion of the child who was usually tired, hungry, etc. When I would do that deep breathing, I was much calmer and could then meet the needs of my children more effectively. Many times the "I can't take the crying anymore" feeling comes from having our own crying as small children unmet, or uncomforted. It pushes emotional buttons we don't remember we have.

Bach Flower essences are fabulous. There were also times when I felt like I couldnt' take another instant of the many demands of small children, I would take the children for a LONG walk. By the time we got back, the mood had passed a majority of the time. Is there a time each day where you can get even 10 minutes alone? That was a wonderful help to me. Knowing I had that time each day, just to be with myself kept me going at times.

Here's an article I found which resonates well with my philosophy:

A Practical, Spiritual Approach to Parenting
By Barbara Sachs, PhD

Parenting from the sex act on is a movement of coming together and parting - ebb and flow. As people, one of the hardest lessons to learn is letting go. Yet as we get older, if we are lucky, we mature to realize that real loving is giving and real giving is letting go. Letting people be who they are, not who we want them to be. It is one of the most difficult tasks as a parent - to raise our children with structure and yet get out of their way. That is the paradox of parenting.

Parenting is a creative act when it becomes a source of inspiration and involvement with the question: What is in the best interest in the growth and development of this child's personality and soul?

Parenting is scary because we really do not know what to do. There are no recipes to follow. I say this is the one profession for which we get no professional training. Most of us keep plugging along hoping all will be okay, usually parenting either the way we were parented or the way we wish we were parented. When we come from either of these options, we can not see our children as separate and distinct human beings with needs and wants that are different than ours.

Parenting is seeing our children as our teachers. In this way, the path of parenting becomes a two-way growing process. We have something to teach them about becoming who they are in this world and they have something to teach us by their very presence in this world. Each time our child says something to us that irritates us, angers us, makes us sad or triggers our sense of justice - that is a precious opportunity for us to grow. These triggers become opportunities for our growth if we use them to learn about ourselves, to understand why we got upset. What was triggered from our past? For example, my daughter came to me and said she was leaving for a birthday party. She had just come in from playing outside and was wearing shorts. She was six. I jumped on her and said she could not go to a birthday party dressed in dirty shorts. I was so upset with her that she questioned me. When I looked at my response, I saw I was responding like my mother and that it had nothing to do with the current situation. My daughter was right. I was acting as though she were an extension of me. What will others think if she comes in shorts instead of a party dress? I was being like my mother. I caught myself and said fine, have fun. By using this situation as a way for me to understand my responses, I grew.

When we first see our babies, we are excited but as time goes on, we have to admit to ourselves someplace deep down, we have no idea what or how to raise our children. We try our best, which is usually based on how we were parented. Getting help by talking to other parents, joining parent groups, working on yourself, and bringing into consciousness what you want for your children (values, what attitudes you want to engender, what fears you have, attitudes and beliefs about parenting, what is the relationship of the child to the parent) is doing something most parents do not take the time to do. Most of us wing it because we don't have the guidance we need.

Parenting is setting limits and boundaries. Many of us are afraid to say "No" and set limits because we think we are being mean when the kids cry. Not so. Children need boundaries to push against to learn about themselves. As they get older and demonstrate they can handle a boundary, then we enlarge the boundary helping the child "grow" into greater responsibility within a "bounded field" that supports their needs to feel secure, be seen, and held. We wait until they show they are capable of handling this new larger boundary and then expand it. It is so very important to have boundaries, limits, I cannot stress it enough. It is also important that the child have freedom within that boundary to make their choices. Whenl my children broke a boundary we had to start over rebuild trust. Iit is always possible to rebuild trust.

Good parenting understands the developmental stages of our children so we do not interpret their growth away from us into the world as personal rejection. We can see it as age appropriate. Good parenting also understands the developmental stages of spiritual growth so we can mirror to them that they are a valued human being with many qualities. We mirror to them there is an inner world and that it is important to know it. We need to reflect back to them not only their intelligence, athletic ability, mental and emotional capabilities, but also their sweetness, determination, sense of justice, lovability, inner strength, and their ability to know, joy, humor, kindness, and compassion to name a few. All children need mirroring. What we mirror or not mirror will affect what they become.

As parents, we need to model the character we want to develop in our children. They learn by our actions, not our words. I think modeling openness and truthfulness makes for open communication. We may not like what we hear, but at least there is communication because you are open to hearing each other. When you really listen to the child and take in what they are saying, then you are teaching them to listen to you and others.

As parent we make mistakes. It is important to admit mistakes and appologize this shows respect for the child as a person. Children need to know their parents as people. Children MUST at some time in their life equalize you in order to come into their own power as a human being. This needs to happen at an age appropriate time.

Rituals are bonding for you and the child. Your legacy will live on in the child through rituals. These can add to the overall self-esteem of the child if the feeling tone was positive for them. Creating rituals that work for your family is important as rituals bond a family together.

These are a few of the lessons I have learned.
http://www.pathofparenting.com/separation.htm

Keep your chin up. It does get less intensive the more they grow. I'll be thinking of you. Take care.

Hugs,
GG

------------------
The deeper we look into nature, the more we recognize that it is full of life, and the more profoundly we know that all life is a secret and that we are united with all life that is in nature. --Albert Schweitzer

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Solane Star
Knowflake

Posts: 5378
From: Ontario, Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted June 21, 2007 09:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Solane Star     Edit/Delete Message
" GOATGIRL " your such a Loving & Caring, Compassionate " MOTHER "!!!

Your a " BEAUTIFUL LADY "!!!!

Star Sister!!!!

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ListensToTrees
Knowflake

Posts: 3844
From: Infinity
Registered: Jul 2005

posted June 22, 2007 04:53 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ListensToTrees     Edit/Delete Message
Thank you, goatgirl

"Parenting from the sex act on is a movement of coming together and parting - ebb and flow. As people, one of the hardest lessons to learn is letting go. Yet as we get older, if we are lucky, we mature to realize that real loving is giving and real giving is letting go. Letting people be who they are, not who we want them to be. It is one of the most difficult tasks as a parent - to raise our children with structure and yet get out of their way. That is the paradox of parenting.

Parenting is a creative act when it becomes a source of inspiration and involvement with the question: What is in the best interest in the growth and development of this child's personality and soul?"


Yes, absolutely.
And because of my inability to cope with stress and trouble focussing on more than one child, I have been seriously considering letting the father take care of the youngest for a while (he only lives around the corner- he is the best father I know as far as interacting with his children goes). Actually, these were my fears when I found out I was pregnant for the second time, because I knew my limitations....it was not a planned pregnancy, but there you have it I thought that I was doing the right thing, in my heart, by going through with it, but it was awfully confusing....I do wonder if the severe stress and depression I went through throughout the entire duration of that pregnancy has made my son a bit more grumpy/ demanding.

I'm so worried about making the right decision. Does anyone have any words of advice?

His big brother is constantly hurting him and getting annoyed with him, so, it's not as if I'm spoiling a romantic picture of 2 brothers. I put so much energy into my first son (he hardly slept for 9 months, then there was his 'dynamic' personality to cope with...but I always loved him like he is my world)......

I just want to do the right thing

I can't help feeling like a failiure.

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Happy Dragon
Knowflake

Posts: 2886
From:
Registered: Apr 2005

posted June 22, 2007 07:20 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Happy Dragon     Edit/Delete Message
~ Listen To Trees ~

just a note ..
i've had quick look at your chart ..
from an astrological point of view you have been dealing with a rather difficult transit ..
.. i.e. difficult from an emotional point ..
the transit is .. t.Chiron squaring natal Chiron ..

( edited to add ) ..
and your natal Chiron sits on your IC ..
i.e. it's 'conjunct' your IC ..
the IC being the opposite to the MC .. Midheaven ..
.. transits to the angles .. Ascendant/Descendant axis
and the MC/IC axis .. are usually felt acutely ..

in fact i will stick my neck out ..
and say that Chiron transits are potentially one of the hardest to deal with
i.e from an emotional point of view ..
( Chiron has a 51 year cycle )

i shall give you the transit time span when i've worked it out ..
i know that Chiron is retrograde at the moment ..
which tells me its been going on for a while ..

i.e a retrograde planet will normaly aspect a natal planet three times ..
once in direct motion .. then again by retrograde motion ..
and once again by direct motion ..
so it basicly extends the transit ..

the other main transit is .. t.Uranus squaring natal Mercury ..

a couple of aspects in your natal chart could cause you to feel quite intense ..
and those are .. Pluto conjunct Moon .. and Pluto trine Mercury ..
and Saturn square to Mercury ...
those are all in very close 'orb' in your chart .. so the effect is likely to be strong ..

there be some info here .. maybe read some of the Chiron links ..
and .. the Saturn in aspect to mercury text ..
~ http://www.happydragon.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/jkbx/audiofls.html ~

(edited 6/22 )

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goatgirl
Knowflake

Posts: 954
From: Anywhere
Registered: Jul 2002

posted June 22, 2007 10:36 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for goatgirl     Edit/Delete Message
LTT,

You are NOT a failure. Nothing you do for children is ever wasted.

Since the father is right around the corner, maybe he could be the "take the little one" for a while each day. It sounds like perhaps your oldest might need some "special time" with just mommy. We did that with ours, even if it was just taking them to the park. Each Saturday one child was given a special day with just mom or just dad. That way we could really focus on the individual child. It helped ease some sibling tensions, and parental tensions.

You could try that with both your boys.
If you want you can ask Randall for my email if you would like it.

Take care.
Hugs,
Amanda

------------------
The deeper we look into nature, the more we recognize that it is full of life, and the more profoundly we know that all life is a secret and that we are united with all life that is in nature. --Albert Schweitzer

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naiad
Knowflake

Posts: 1645
From:
Registered: Sep 2006

posted June 22, 2007 01:02 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for naiad     Edit/Delete Message
oh LTT ~ i love how devoted you are to your children. staying home with your babes is the most demanding job in the world!

i know you just want the best for your babies, you want to make their worlds perfect! i feel you mama.

often, these difficult phases will smooth themselves out, and weathering the storm with dignity and grace, as you do, is all that is required. you will do what is best for your brood and yourself, trust your mothering instincts! love yourself and your babies and you can't go wrong. more than anything, babies need a well loved, well taken care of mama. make sure you do that for you, and then you can give all your abundant love to your children.

i know you are struggling with the big task of taking care of your babes LTT, but please know that, well, i envy you! i do! i would so love to have an extra one or more kitten in my litter.... . i LOVED being pregnant, loved tending a new babe...every moment of it, and i would love to have the privilege of doing it all again.

i wanted so much to be pregnant a second time, even when my son was very new.... ...i loved the idea of having a babe in both arms. now mine is a little older, and quite a handful, i understand how your having two boys would be challenging....of course. boys are so naturally rambunctious!! but i know that my babe would absolutely adore having a brother, or a sister, around to play with.

i often think my job would be easier, albeit more demanding, with 2 of them afoot. i understand the enormous amount of energy you need to tend to your never-ending post of motherhood. please try consuming more of the b-vitamins. this is a very simple remedy that will boost both your mood and energy levels tremendously.

i take a powdered vitamin drink called emergen-c that contains 1000 mgs of vitamin C, as well as large amounts of b-vitamins. i can tell almost immediately the benefits of this. i also understand that my diet is lacking in some of these essential vitamins, as i feel so much better, physically, and emotionally sometimes too, after ingesting these nutrients. your body absorbs them much more rapidly in liquid form than tablet form also.

so, here's some more love and blessings for you and yours, loving mama.....remember, love them and you, you are doing the right thing, as it is your love and concern that is fueling your present desire to take of your babes the best that you can and that they so deserve.

love and light to you.......naiad

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ListensToTrees
Knowflake

Posts: 3844
From: Infinity
Registered: Jul 2005

posted June 22, 2007 03:50 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ListensToTrees     Edit/Delete Message
Thank you goatgirl!

Thank you, naiad! I might just give that supplement a try. I'm still breastfeeding a bit so maybe I need a boost.

Well, today their father has had Tom all day and I have had some one-to-one with my eldest....I think this might be the first time......Today has been so, so RELAXED!!!!! I really enjoyed my one-to-one time with him!!! Wish I'd done it sooner!

I have taken down the details of a Yoga class. If I can learn to just breath and detach myself from situations, all will be fine!!
I have bought a box of Camomile tea. I'll drink gallons of that when I need it.

I'm going to try, try try to make things work this way, and keep life normal for them. I love the age my eldest son is right now. He is a dynamic little boy, but I find him so much easier at the age he is now than he used to be as a toddler; you can do so many things with them, they are gradually gaining independence and you can begin to reason with them, etc. It's not the individual I find a problem. It's the boys TOGETHER. But mainly the baby. It's non-stop with a baby, especially mine I think.

I feel like the Briss in the episode of Seinfeld....'it's that high pitch squeel of a baby that drives you insane'....lol.

But, amidst the peace, I kinda felt like something was missing today....it was great to see Tom again when he came home and Johnny was happy too....Tom had had a long day but was so excited to see us......

Another year, he will be talking and telling me things just like Johnny does.....another couple of years and they'll both be at school....I can make it!!!


Thank you, girls, for all your fantastic advice. I'm going to make sure I have more one-on-one from now on. I'm going to try and calm them with Mozart. I'm going to definetly learn some breathing techniques to learn how exactly to cope with stress!!

If I succeed, I'll be able to help other women in the future in a similar situation.

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lalalinda
Moderator

Posts: 3291
From: nevada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted June 22, 2007 08:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lalalinda     Edit/Delete Message

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