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T O P I C R E V I E WBliss1Hi, I don't know what to do about my boyfriend? We been going out for about a year and a half. At christmas he met up with his ex-girlfriend. He rang me while he was out with her, to say they were meeting to catch up, so they were obviously in contact, but he didn't mention it. I met him afterwards and he was fairly drunk and in great form. He never introduced us as we ended up having to go somewhere later that night. (but i don't think he planned it anyway.But all of that was fine with me, but he started talking aboout going over to her for a holiday, with me going too. I didn't really respond, hoping that he would just think about it but never happen. But he has mentioned it a couple of times.But today he rang me up at work and mentioned it again. I really don't want to be unreasonable but I really don't want to. None of my friend's boyfriends suggest visiting their ex's. I never met her, but he did tell me that they used to play mind gaomes with each other.., And she broke up with him. I haven't said anything yet, but if he brings it up again, what should I say? Am I being Unreasonable, but I guess I just don't want to!Sorry for the long post, but i would really appreciate your advice. ThankscajunpeanutsHi Bliss1, and welcome!!!In my opinion, you are not being unreasonable at all. If there's no reason for someone breaking up, then they would be together. There's a reason he is insisting on this and I suspect that it's to play mind games with you! Maybe he's trying to get together with her again and he thinks he can intimidate her into whatever it is with your presence. Or, he may be doing the same thing with you. Or, he may think that he's going to start a threesome. Anyway, it seems to me that this is a very unnatural situation, and you are perfectly right in believing that something's wrong.Bliss1Hiya, Thanks for replying.I really don't want to be petty or jealous, but it makes me feel uneasy... so i won't agree to it. Has anyone been in this situation before and what did ye do?Gemini NymphI was in a situation where I was dating a guy who told me he had broken up with his ex 6 weeks before. We were quite romantically and sexually involved, but it didn't take me long to find out that he had never really broke up with his ex, but just had been fighting with her. As soon as I found out, I ditched him after mercilessly embarrassing him in public and in front of his "ex" who was clueless that he and I had been dating. But that's me. I'm not a nice person. And I think you need a not-nice person's take on this...I think there's something weaselly going on with your situation - you dated him for this long, yet now he's giving you lttle clues here and there that he's been in contact with this other person. And he doesn't seem to be that forthcoming as to what's really going on. It's like he's testing to see how much he can get away with before you get mad. But definitely there's something he's hiding, or trying to avoid, like you figuring out what he's really up to. I would be concerned that after dating you for this long while keeping this hidden from you, that now he feels he has you figured out so he can get away with this nonsense in broad daylight. I don't think you're being petty or jealous - it's not really about the other woman. It's his very questionable behavior that raises the red flags, and after dating a guy for over a year, you deserve more honesty and respect from him. Good men don't play games, but weasels do. If he's a weasel...and there seems little evidence that he's *not*...then he needs to go. Don't argue with him, don't listen to his excuses, don't give him a second chance. Just give him the boot and go get yourself a decent man who'll respect you. It's not you're fault, remember that. It's not about you being unreasonable. It's simply that you don't deserved to be jerked around by any guy, but *especially* after giving him your time, energy and companionship for the past 18 months of your life. pixelpixieYeah, right on!wildflwrsA psychologist told me one time that if a person really cares for you you can tell him/her what you need and they should respect that. I would let him know that you are very uncomfortable with him trying to get the three of you together...even if he just has a friendly gathering in mind. And I would tell him that you would really appreciate it if he'd just end his tie with her if he wants to be involved with you. I wouldn't flinch an inch. Good luck to ya!astro junkie RandallWelcome! ------------------"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clarkastro junkieBliss1 -Do you have a Sun in an Air sign and a Moon in a Water? Or the other way around?(Uhhh ... matters such as these are never easy)lalalindaSo typically male (sorry guys)Its not like they don't think about sex 90% of the time anyway.Tell him you pass but go ahead and go anyway and have a good time.Then find another boyfriend who doesn't need to catch up with his ex.Bliss1Hi Astro Junkie, I am a Taurean girl, I think my moon sign is in aries?And my boyfriend is a Gemini (help!) and I think his moon is in Cancer.What do you think?Thanks.astro junkieBliss1 -It's better if you find out what your Moon Sign is FOR SURE ... Did you find out yet?Bliss1Hi Astro junkie, Thanks for getting back to me. I don't know our birth times, and I thought your moon sign was depended on that..But, I'm pretty sure that they are correct:Taurean girl; moon in ariesGemini male; moon in cancerThanks again xxastro junkieHey Bliss1 -Hope things have been going OK.You are extremely straight forward, unless you have one of the quieter, subtle Mercury's or Mars. And if one of those is Retrograde in your Natal, you may have a little more challenge getting your point across. It's not like you don't already know what's wrong or right. But you just can't get the inside of you in synch with the outside world. Or else - why the hesitation no matter what you decide?You got some really great opinions here. I agree with everything said, and it's interesting that lalalinda even goes out on the limb, suggesting to go and have a good time.It's really difficult to know for sure how any of us would react in this situation, but just from what I gather so far - if this were to happen to me - I'd think one of two things as well (as cajunpeanuts was saying, I think) - either she's somehow managed to keep her grungy puppeteer hands on him, or they are thinking of a threesome.The answer here would be, are you the "threesome" type?But like I said, you are the more direct one of the two of you, as a Gemini with Cancer Moon (in my opinion) is one of the most difficult mix of energies to juggle. And I mean that for the Gemini themself as well. It takes them a few decades of trial and error before they really start to get anything right in the "romance" department.(If there are any Gemini's Cancer Mooner's out there, male or female - HOLLA!)miss_applesI dont think you're being unreasonable at all. But I just want to say that just because a guy is still in contact or friends with his ex doesnt mean that he wants to sleep with her. My fiance is still friends with one of his ex's and the godfather of her daughter. And personally, the fact that he wants you to come with to see her tells me that he either is not sleeping w/her (or else he would be trying to hide her from you) or that he wants a threeway. And you know some of us have to be in contact with our ex's because we have children with them. I know this isnt your case....but Im just saying.Bliss1Hi Astro Junkie, Thanks for getting back to me...I think now my boyfriend has forgotten about the idea (typical gemini!), but when he brings it up again I've decided to be cool about it, but I am not going to go... I think it will be easier.Thanks to everyone for your thoughts.xxGemStarOK...I wanted to throw in my two-cents due to the fact that I am a Gem-Sun with a Can-Moon. (Albeit a female) Here it is: If I am no longer with someone, there is a reason. If I really liked my ex and we had a great friendship, I wouldn't hide it from whoever I was currently involved with. And actually, I probably would suggest getting together as well! (And no, not for a threesome-hee,hee). Only for the mere fact of integrating two people I care about. Totally innocent and meaning nothing more.My question to you is this-How strong is your relationship with him? Maybe seeing the two of them and how they inter-act will be helpful in dissecting your feelings. Maybe there really isn't anything up at all...just introducing the two of you gals. Sometimes I feel that people are too untrusting...why does there have to be a negative outlook?? Instead, feel good about who you are and your relationship...if you do, then there should not be major issues. Don't make it one if there isn't really one in the first place.Be a little more mature and evolved than the average person. (And no, I am not saying the other's replies were off target either-I am just trying to give a different perspective for all to consider). It is so hard to ask a general question and get a true answer because we do not know the dynamics of you and your boyfriend. He is social and caring and I truly feel that he is not intentionally suggesting this to hurt you or hide anything from you. It isn't meant to be taken that way. Certainly communicate your feelings...we Cancer Moons lovvvve that! Then we can be empathetic and understand where your mind is...All this being said...as a Gem Sun and Cancer Moon...no worries if your relationship is on solid ground. Only you can truly answer that from inside your heart!Hugs- GemStarPS-For some reason, my intutition regarding your situation tells me that you have nothing to fear...he is just being social!wildflwrsHey Bliss! How's it going with this guy? I'm sure everybody following this thread is curious. I know I am. We care! sthenriI'm a Taurus with Gemini/7th house mercury and Cancer Moon, but this sounds a bit like me. I have tested my partner before by mentioning my ex. It's not as if the tone is heavy, it's more as if I am testing the waters of interest, and with your Moon in Aries it's pretty passionate.Maybe your b/f is trying to drum up the passion, as if he doesn't know what you are capable of? sometimes an air sign likes to manage the emotion, turn it off and on.You wouldn't understand because you don't test. I would go with him, to show support, or else he may feel secretly that you don't love him enough and start to doubt. Geminis and Cancer moons both doubt a lot and need reassurance. If you let him go once he's going to want to go all the time and then later it's hard to join in.That's what I would do, and sometimes people have two sides, one is open and easygoing and the other is secretly insecure and intense.That's my advice, as veteran of gemini b/f's.NatashaTaurusastro junkieI wouldn't go as far as doing a 180 on the "doubt & reassurance" because I believe that's an essential part of their intuition.
I don't know what to do about my boyfriend? We been going out for about a year and a half. At christmas he met up with his ex-girlfriend. He rang me while he was out with her, to say they were meeting to catch up, so they were obviously in contact, but he didn't mention it. I met him afterwards and he was fairly drunk and in great form. He never introduced us as we ended up having to go somewhere later that night. (but i don't think he planned it anyway.
But all of that was fine with me, but he started talking aboout going over to her for a holiday, with me going too. I didn't really respond, hoping that he would just think about it but never happen. But he has mentioned it a couple of times.
But today he rang me up at work and mentioned it again. I really don't want to be unreasonable but I really don't want to. None of my friend's boyfriends suggest visiting their ex's. I never met her, but he did tell me that they used to play mind gaomes with each other.., And she broke up with him.
I haven't said anything yet, but if he brings it up again, what should I say? Am I being Unreasonable, but I guess I just don't want to!
Sorry for the long post, but i would really appreciate your advice. Thanks
In my opinion, you are not being unreasonable at all. If there's no reason for someone breaking up, then they would be together. There's a reason he is insisting on this and I suspect that it's to play mind games with you! Maybe he's trying to get together with her again and he thinks he can intimidate her into whatever it is with your presence. Or, he may be doing the same thing with you. Or, he may think that he's going to start a threesome.
Anyway, it seems to me that this is a very unnatural situation, and you are perfectly right in believing that something's wrong.
Thanks for replying.I really don't want to be petty or jealous, but it makes me feel uneasy... so i won't agree to it. Has anyone been in this situation before and what did ye do?
I think there's something weaselly going on with your situation - you dated him for this long, yet now he's giving you lttle clues here and there that he's been in contact with this other person. And he doesn't seem to be that forthcoming as to what's really going on. It's like he's testing to see how much he can get away with before you get mad. But definitely there's something he's hiding, or trying to avoid, like you figuring out what he's really up to. I would be concerned that after dating you for this long while keeping this hidden from you, that now he feels he has you figured out so he can get away with this nonsense in broad daylight.
I don't think you're being petty or jealous - it's not really about the other woman. It's his very questionable behavior that raises the red flags, and after dating a guy for over a year, you deserve more honesty and respect from him. Good men don't play games, but weasels do. If he's a weasel...and there seems little evidence that he's *not*...then he needs to go. Don't argue with him, don't listen to his excuses, don't give him a second chance. Just give him the boot and go get yourself a decent man who'll respect you.
It's not you're fault, remember that. It's not about you being unreasonable. It's simply that you don't deserved to be jerked around by any guy, but *especially* after giving him your time, energy and companionship for the past 18 months of your life.
------------------"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark
Do you have a Sun in an Air sign and a Moon in a Water? Or the other way around?
(Uhhh ... matters such as these are never easy)
Tell him you pass but go ahead and go anyway and have a good time.Then find another boyfriend who doesn't need to catch up with his ex.
I am a Taurean girl, I think my moon sign is in aries?
And my boyfriend is a Gemini (help!) and I think his moon is in Cancer.
What do you think?Thanks.
It's better if you find out what your Moon Sign is FOR SURE ... Did you find out yet?
I don't know our birth times, and I thought your moon sign was depended on that..
But, I'm pretty sure that they are correct:Taurean girl; moon in ariesGemini male; moon in cancer
Thanks again xx
Hope things have been going OK.
You are extremely straight forward, unless you have one of the quieter, subtle Mercury's or Mars. And if one of those is Retrograde in your Natal, you may have a little more challenge getting your point across. It's not like you don't already know what's wrong or right. But you just can't get the inside of you in synch with the outside world.
Or else - why the hesitation no matter what you decide?
You got some really great opinions here. I agree with everything said, and it's interesting that lalalinda even goes out on the limb, suggesting to go and have a good time.
It's really difficult to know for sure how any of us would react in this situation, but just from what I gather so far - if this were to happen to me - I'd think one of two things as well (as cajunpeanuts was saying, I think) - either she's somehow managed to keep her grungy puppeteer hands on him, or they are thinking of a threesome.
The answer here would be, are you the "threesome" type?
But like I said, you are the more direct one of the two of you, as a Gemini with Cancer Moon (in my opinion) is one of the most difficult mix of energies to juggle. And I mean that for the Gemini themself as well. It takes them a few decades of trial and error before they really start to get anything right in the "romance" department.
(If there are any Gemini's Cancer Mooner's out there, male or female - HOLLA!)
But I just want to say that just because a guy is still in contact or friends with his ex doesnt mean that he wants to sleep with her. My fiance is still friends with one of his ex's and the godfather of her daughter. And personally, the fact that he wants you to come with to see her tells me that he either is not sleeping w/her (or else he would be trying to hide her from you) or that he wants a threeway.
And you know some of us have to be in contact with our ex's because we have children with them. I know this isnt your case....but Im just saying.
Thanks for getting back to me...I think now my boyfriend has forgotten about the idea (typical gemini!), but when he brings it up again I've decided to be cool about it, but I am not going to go... I think it will be easier.Thanks to everyone for your thoughts.xx
Here it is: If I am no longer with someone, there is a reason. If I really liked my ex and we had a great friendship, I wouldn't hide it from whoever I was currently involved with. And actually, I probably would suggest getting together as well! (And no, not for a threesome-hee,hee). Only for the mere fact of integrating two people I care about. Totally innocent and meaning nothing more.
My question to you is this-How strong is your relationship with him? Maybe seeing the two of them and how they inter-act will be helpful in dissecting your feelings. Maybe there really isn't anything up at all...just introducing the two of you gals. Sometimes I feel that people are too untrusting...why does there have to be a negative outlook??
Instead, feel good about who you are and your relationship...if you do, then there should not be major issues. Don't make it one if there isn't really one in the first place.
Be a little more mature and evolved than the average person. (And no, I am not saying the other's replies were off target either-I am just trying to give a different perspective for all to consider). It is so hard to ask a general question and get a true answer because we do not know the dynamics of you and your boyfriend. He is social and caring and I truly feel that he is not intentionally suggesting this to hurt you or hide anything from you. It isn't meant to be taken that way. Certainly communicate your feelings...we Cancer Moons lovvvve that! Then we can be empathetic and understand where your mind is...
All this being said...as a Gem Sun and Cancer Moon...no worries if your relationship is on solid ground. Only you can truly answer that from inside your heart!
Hugs-
GemStar
PS-For some reason, my intutition regarding your situation tells me that you have nothing to fear...he is just being social!
Maybe your b/f is trying to drum up the passion, as if he doesn't know what you are capable of? sometimes an air sign likes to manage the emotion, turn it off and on.
You wouldn't understand because you don't test. I would go with him, to show support, or else he may feel secretly that you don't love him enough and start to doubt. Geminis and Cancer moons both doubt a lot and need reassurance. If you let him go once he's going to want to go all the time and then later it's hard to join in.
That's what I would do, and sometimes people have two sides, one is open and easygoing and the other is secretly insecure and intense.
That's my advice, as veteran of gemini b/f's.
NatashaTaurus
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